Sensitivity, Mind-control, And Dissociation

[Red Feather]

After spending a few days with my ex and abuser, I am understanding something. I am really sensitive. I was sensitive as a child already. I am just wondering how much does sensitivity make some susceptible to mind control, and therefore susceptible towards becoming a victim.

The two are clearly linked as well, to dissociation. Obviously one must be dissociated to be under mind-control right?

I am noticing that my ex does things and says things, that cause me to automatically dissociate, maybe not in a noticeable way, but it is clear that things are not so important to me and I am numb. This makes me physically weaker, also I am less concentrated, more scattered brained, and more inactive. Not only inactive, but also passive. So I am giving in.

This in turns compounds the abuse and sensitivity. Does anybody get what I am saying here?

It is my impression that my ex's manipulative and controlling character traits, which are often seen as "charismatic," and "well organized" are directly threatening and oppositely challenging my sensitivity, willingness to give in, and weakness of will.

I become so weak and overpowered. And the way I see it, that is because I was already dissociated, probably due to childhood abuse. He has got so much power over me. He has got my children and my brain is not strong enough to fight.

There is a missing link that makes it hard for me to describe what is happening, and to be fully aware of it. It just makes me freeze and I can not talk. I think the fact that I am sensitive to his emotions and thoughts, and he is practically telapathic, it just wipes me out and I am powerless. He is very afraid, but also wants to dominate. I am trying to understand this mechanism better.

 

[Spiderallis]

I think you've described it quite well, I know exactly what you mean. What I don't see is how that's weakness of will. It's a dissociative reaction, you're doing what you can to protect yourself in that moment. That's not weak at all, that's a way you've learned to survive.

Seems like "charismatic" is just a nice word for someone who can find the right way to coerce almost anyone into agreement. If he's got a lot of fear, that might be driving his desire to dominate and have control. He probably noticed how you shut down in certain situations and uses that to get his way. I know my abuser did. I numbed out and stopped arguing just to make things easier in the short-term.

 

[Red Feather]

Thanks, I agree with you that it is a protection. But the fact that I am weaker due to this is so obvious. I need a social worker to help me for example. I have to file for bankruptcy. All because I have not registered my limits. Because things are not important to me. And the things that are important to him, make him stronger and much more stronger in comparison to me. He has the upper hand in so many aspects of life.

And obviously this compounds the issue and makes me more depressed.

He is very fearful, so therefore very controlling. Like I needed to find an ATM on the island, and I asked him about this and just wondering if he knew where one is, because I needed to find one to pay for the rented bicycle... And when I told him, he suddenly tensed up. And looked at me as if it was most difficult and frightening idea ever.

Having to find an ATM is not something that puts me on edge or stresses me out, you know? It is quite matter of fact.

And so after analysing this, I know that he is this way with A LOT of issues, and I guess in order to avoid this fear, he becomes very strict and controlling, but he takes on the responsibility of avoiding failure.

So all these measurements of control, just superimpose themselves on me those eight years. So much so that I just freeze up and can not talk to him, out of fear of being manipulated with anything I might say. This is really obvious in how he deals with the children and how he had dissaproved my way of raising them, while I was still living with them. And his accusation of not taking care of them well, when he kicked me out.

I just raise them differently with a lot more freedom and focus on creativity and self respect. I am glad actually to get to spend time with them without him around. So I am hoping it balances out.

It did help to yell at him on the last day on my trip last week. I was so angry and furious. It was scary because he hit me the last time I was so angry at him.