Sensory Flashbacks From Physical & Sexual Abuse

[SweetPeaandSunBird]

I have visual and auditory flashbacks of physical abuse that are upsetting, but I am able to ground myself easier with those. The sensory flashbacks with very little visual component are the most difficult. I have clips of images but not the whole visual memory. I am not usually able to control these as well.

This difference in the type of flashbacks and their degree of difficulty that you mentioned I find to be so true for me, too. (Your history for why you have them, too, is in line with my experiences.)

One thing that helps me ground myself even in those most rattling flashbacks (though it takes more time for the "grounding" to finally work) is to say something to myself that reminds me that I'm not in the 1970s but rather in the year 2012.

For example, when I was little, our dog was NEVER allowed in the house. But, as an adult now, I have my dog Sadie in the house. So, when I'm in that little-girl space of fear trapped in my childhood home, I try to repeat to myself: Dog in the house. MY dog is in MY HOUSE. My dog is ALWAYS allowed in MY HOUSE.

I don't know if something like this might help for you, but, while still exhausting to have a flashback that requires such a mantra, eventually it brings me back to current time/space.

Thanks for bringing this issue up.

 

[Violet03]

That's a great idea. I was never allowed to have my dog in the house either! Today I have my baby girl Roxie by my side every day. Next time one of those happen I will try to remember your technique to bring myself back. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Maggiemay]

Again guys, thankyou so much for all ur advice & support, cant believe how many other people have to go thro this hell - Like the grounding ideas, I find them so so hard with body memories, esp when end up in floods of tears & screaming to go away. Within my memories I only remember touch, nothing further, but my flashbacks suggest otherwise. So hard not knowing. I had amnesia for a good 10 yrs & forgot it ever happened - oh to be in that place again! :( xxx

 

[maddog]

I also find that concentrating on objects, thoughts or any aspect of reality that is very different from the time of the trauma is really helpful in trying to ground my way out of flashbacks and sensory memories. It can be as simple as focusing on the presence and feel of an object that I did not own and which had no presence in my life during the trauma, such as my computer or mobile phone.

I always sleep with my phone attached to me and my house keys in my pocket, which, while not necessarily a very healthy sleep behaviour, is very useful when grounding. Sometimes just touching these objects and saying to myself "I have a mobile phone now, and there are numbers of safe people in it... these are my house keys. I own a house now. I didn't own a house when I was a child..." etc can help.

I too am so sorry that so many of us know and need to rely on such strategies, but it offers a little comfort to know there are things that do work and help to keep us in the present when the sensory memories become so distressing.

Maddog

 

[Maggiemay]

Thankyou so much for the heads up :) My phone is always with me so that idea is perfect for me :) Last night, thanx to my good friend diazepam = no fighting & thrashing about, no body memories as went to sleep & woke up in bed - not trying to hide somewhere :D but along with upping up dose of quetiapine = very fuzzy head. Not great for last therapy session :s xxx

 

[Maggiemay]

Managed to convince Dr on Mon to give me more diazepam, he was amazing and equally as concerned as me so nice to feel listened to. Really really struggling this week tho :( feel absolutely awful since Sun. Think I pushed myself too far last week & what with withdrawal coming of my anti - d (lofepramine) after Dr finally listened to cardiologists advice that making tachycardia worse 3 months after it started!! Ugh!!

Body memories still pretty bad, u guys explain them in such a better way than me, esp the pain - it feels unbearable. :( Gotta ask for neurologist referral when see Dr on Mon, T worried all my physical manifestations of ptsd may have neurological link, especially when on notes if says I'm epileptic. I thought when it was all checked out 5 years ago it was found to be localised but notes, and how my body is now reacting says otherwise, sigh. :( Would make a lot of sense and then hopefully meds to control it would help a lot :)

Xxx

 

[Shellbell]

I'm glad your doctor listened to you and is so willing to help. It makes a huge difference.

I really hope the referral to the neurologist goes well too and you the right medication prescribed to manage that as quickly as possible.

I'm sorry you are struggling so much this week and I understand that coming off the AD meds. I hope your week starts to improve.

Hugs ((((Maggiemay)))).

 

[Maggiemay]

Ahh thankyou :)

My drs normally pretty good, although fought with him for ages not to be on mitazipine after taking myself off it as it turned me into an elephant & now psych & T both said am not clinically depressed as moods continually swinging so actually an anti-d won't ever be the solution. My biggest difficulty is anxiety which he's now accepted :)

Will be interesting to see drs take on neurology referral - want to know what neurologists discharge letter said before - he made a point of telling me it wasn't my fault or within my control & was localised, but never saw discharge letter.

Feeling better today than I have since Sun. My body is just ultra sensitive to any changes at the moment - all very annoying but I guess it's due to constant hyper vigilance :(

Hoping it'll all settle down soon - I dont want to lie to Dr but everything's in place to go back to work in 3 weeks and I don't want anything to stop me - desperately need some normality now! Plus a phrased return so won't have full responsibility for my class til Easter time! :) headteacher has Ben great, despite initially being very upset by his decision to get someone else in to teach my class - I couldn't have taught well and done all this reliving this term - flashbacks/blackouts/dissociation is bad enough for me to deal with alone, let alone when in room full of 9/10/11 year olds who expect things from u.

Xxx

 

[Shellbell]

I'm on Mirtazapine and I've put on a few kilo's. I need an AD though as I had severe depression before I went on it, although this week I'm almost back to feeling as bad. Seeing my doc tomorrow about it.

I'm glad you're feeling better today.

I understand totally how hard the hypervigilance is - it's draining. And the flashbacks from sexual and physical abuse - I have those too - it's really distressing.

I'm glad the head teacher is being supportive and phased return sounds good, not too much all in one go. I understand that need for normality and I think it's a good amount of time to sort through things before you get back to full time teaching at Easter.

 

[Maggiemay]

Thankyou :)

Suffered depression a lot in past, way before ptsd diagnosis, but at the mo it's controlled thro work I've done in therapy, I just hope now I've come off anti-d it doesn't go downhill again as last thing I need on top of everything else is a recurrent low mood.

You're def right about flashbacks - I hate them!! But visual & auditory ones getting better on quetiapine.

Am very lucky with my head, have worked there for 5 yrs now & was always open about stuff :)

Xxx