Seriously Need Advice About Work

[maddog]

Sending huge, heartfelt courage and support to you for Monday. I know all too well how daunting such events can seem, and your doctor's concerns are well founded. Is your doc able to make representation on your behalf at the hearing, by way of appearing in person or providing a statement? I think it is critical that the context of your condition, together with the negative impact that work stressors have on the condition, is explained by someone competent and qualified to speak to it, for the very reason you outline, that is, so that people don't just think you've had a tantrum about things at work... not that that's not bad enough of course.

So glad you feel some confidence in your union rep. Don't be afraid to let others advocate for you wherever they can, and to take some comfort and release of pressure from knowing you have people in your corner.

Above all, take care of you. You come first, 2nd, 3rd and every other place that matters right now, and whatever the outcome, you are a decent and worthwhile human being who will prevail and keep moving forward. It's not a cliche, they're not empty words, it's the truth, and right now is when you need to hang onto it most tightly.

We all have your back. Let us know how you're doing ok?

Maddog

 

[Hashi]

I'm glad you'll have your union rep with you in the meeting and that the Director genuinely wants to sort this out. I can imagine you're really not looking forward to it (and Monday morning? ugh!) and it's a lot of people, but as Maddog says, we're supporting you.

I hope this process, difficult as it is, brings you to a better situation. Sending you strong, calm, good wishes for Monday.

Hashi

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Thought I'd post an update. Got through the meeting without losing it, calling my manager a lying c*w or shouting at my director :)

Director found all the allegations to be proven, I have a 12 month written warning. He said that he does see a positive future for me in social work, personally am struggling to see that. Particularly as my team manager said she has lost trust in me. He was clear that his expectation is that I build a working relationship with her again.

I mentioned to my union rep that management had got away scott free as usual. She replied that she didn't think this is the case at all. That the 'action plan' will be as much to do with ensuring my manager is doing her job properly and that I am getting the support I need as a list of tasks for me to complete. She said that any disciplinary of staff reflects badly on managers, and that the director wasn't impressed with her. I guess time will tell.

My union rep offered me the opportunity to meet with her to discuss my health and how much I need / should be sharing with my employer.

Real cleft stick - she doesn't trust me and I don't trust her but technically she should know if there's anything that is / may affect my work. Additionally they need to know in order to build the support package that I'm going to need to get back to work. If I don't tell them then I'll crash and burn again, at which point that'll be that.

I also, somehow, need to accept that writing about stuff is as important as physically doing it. If I can't get to a point where I honestly believe that then I'm very likely to disregard it in the future and wind up in serious trouble.

Thanks everyone for your posts and support. Much appreciated.

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Wanted to say a big thank you to everyone's help and advice previously and to ask for some more advice.

Shortly after the disciplinary I emailed my team manager and asked to see her to talk about my health issues, she ignored this for a week (despite a prompting email) and in the end I emailed her what was going on. After another week I emailed her to ask if she got it, she confirmed she had and was waiting to speak to her manger about it. I thought this was weird - I mean, if someone emailed me with personal important stuff I would at least acknowledge it even if I couldn't give a detailed reply.

The only outcome was a further request to Occupational Health.

I have been signed off work since mid June (I think, real life all got a bit hazy). About 4 weeks ago I went into work to pick up some books from my office and spoke to my team manager while I was there. She was absolutely fine and seemed her normal self. It made me feel a bit safer and more confident about what was going on / likely to happen.

I have had my OH appointment and the report from this explains I am working through a personal trauma which cannot be rushed and that there are triggers in my work, so this needs to be completely addressed before any return to work. She was really good and supportive. She also said that the additional issues (ie from the disciplinary) should not be dealt with until I am fit to work.

I have recently been signed off for another month. I emailed by team manager this and asked if she had the OH report. I said I was comfortable to come in and talk to her about it and what I'm doing to get better. My meaning for this was that she is going to have to manage me (I mean in a taking care of way) when I go back to work, so she needs to understand and know stuff that others (OH / HR) don't need to know.

After a few days she has emailed me back saying the next step is a meeting with HR, me and my union rep. I don't understand? What's this about? Why can't I just go and talk to her about how I'm doing and what needs to happen before I go back to work?

This is the second time she's not only declined to see me but completely ignored my request to see her. I don't get it.

I'm really worried now. I don't want to be sharing stuff with other people, I don't know what's going on or what's likely to happen.

 

[Hashi]

Hi L&D,

I agree that your team manager could have acknowledged receipt of your email and communicated better (ie actually communicated) about when she expected to be able to respond. I'm not sure that this is the same as ignoring your request or declining to see you though - it sounds like she was trying to find out what to do, and is now following through on what she's been told.

The meeting with HR and your union rep makes sense to me. To be honest, it sounds like a proper procedure has kicked in, but it just isn't being communicated well. I can understand your reluctance to go through details with them that you'd prefer to keep between you and as few people as possible, but it sounds like they want to do things on the record and make sure they're covering everything they should be covering.

If things have already gone to a disciplinary, and especially if there are unfinished aspects, I can understand their approach. The bad news is that you're unlikely to get an informal, unwitnessed or unrecorded chat with someone about this now. The good news is that a proper procedure should be followed, you have representation and they're taking this seriously.

I'm going through a formal procedure with something myself at work, and the refusal by management to have a meeting without a witness is creating some situations that are beyond awkward. But it's for my protection as well as theirs. It's horrible, but it's just the way it is.

Obviously, I have very limited knowledge of your situation, so please talk to your union rep if you think their approach is inappropriate. Otherwise, my suggestion would be to focus on how you can communicate and request what you need to, in a way that's least difficult for you, given the situation. For example, you might be able to make a request about ways of working but give only a general reason for the request (eg anxiety), not a specific one.

With regard to what's going on and what's likely to happen, I would ask about this. Your team manager sounds like a poor communicator, and I'd suggest you ask HR to clarify the bigger picture around this proposed meeting, what the purpose is, confidentiality, what preparation you should do, what the possible outcomes might be, what the next steps are likely to be and so on. I'd suggest you ask at the beginning of any meeting for it to be recorded that nothing you say can be shared outside the meeting without your written permission.

I expect this will be very small comfort, because i understand not wanting to talk in detail to other people, but I think you're safer with your union and HR involved than you would be having a quiet talk with a team manager, whoever they are, but especially since your particular team manager seems to be a bit lost and lacking in confidence and skill over how to approach things.