I haven't posted here in a while, but here goes. As the title suggests, this is about sex, so it might be triggering, although I will only discuss it in vague terms, I have no plans to get into the graphic details. I am a 28 year old man, lifelong loner due to crippling social anxiety, unpredictable abusive parents, etc.
Within the past year or so, my anxiety level has gone way down, I am no longer scared of social interaction, or emotional or physical intimacy. I've become a lot more outgoing and sociable, met a young lady, became close to her.
Initially I was cautious and unsure, but that went away fairly quickly then there was a period where we would have fairly intense sex, not like SnM or anything just sex where we were both very aroused and into it, as well as feeling close to each other and enjoying that connection. I think this was because since I had gone my whole life without really being sexually active, I had a lot of pent up sexual frustration that was coming out.
After a couple months, that seemed to subside though, and now, I just can't get into it. I'm not scared. It just feels gross. I have plenty of sexual desire, I get aroused, initiate things with her, then just don't feel like continuing.
I think this is perhaps less about ptsd and perhaps more about the fact that most of my life I have released my sexual energy by watching pornography and masturbating, which has made me far too comfortable with that, and made me forget that real women have hair, smells, make a mess when they get aroused, etc etc etc.
This is perhaps similar to what people with a pornography addiction expeirience, but I'm posting here because I don't think I've ever been addicted to porn, I just resorted to it because my ptsd kept me from being with women.
Anyone dealt with this? I'm especially interested in the feedback of other men, but open and grateful for any imput at all. I feel bad. I like this girl a lot, and while we enjoy cuddling or simply spending time together, its pretty obvious she wishes I would be up for getting frisky a bit more often. She is very sweet and tolerant of me and my issues, doesn't get mad when I initiate things with her only to stop shortly thereafter, and I have talked to her about some of this, but I wish I could get over this.
Incidentally, I have pretty much stopped masturbating and watching porn, I still get horny sometimes, but its not unbearable and I feel like maybe if I just resist the urge to resort to that perhaps in time the things that seem gross to me about sex will not seem as noticeable as they do now.
Within the past year or so, my anxiety level has gone way down, I am no longer scared of social interaction, or emotional or physical intimacy. I've become a lot more outgoing and sociable, met a young lady, became close to her.
Initially I was cautious and unsure, but that went away fairly quickly then there was a period where we would have fairly intense sex, not like SnM or anything just sex where we were both very aroused and into it, as well as feeling close to each other and enjoying that connection. I think this was because since I had gone my whole life without really being sexually active, I had a lot of pent up sexual frustration that was coming out.
After a couple months, that seemed to subside though, and now, I just can't get into it. I'm not scared. It just feels gross. I have plenty of sexual desire, I get aroused, initiate things with her, then just don't feel like continuing.
I think this is perhaps less about ptsd and perhaps more about the fact that most of my life I have released my sexual energy by watching pornography and masturbating, which has made me far too comfortable with that, and made me forget that real women have hair, smells, make a mess when they get aroused, etc etc etc.
This is perhaps similar to what people with a pornography addiction expeirience, but I'm posting here because I don't think I've ever been addicted to porn, I just resorted to it because my ptsd kept me from being with women.
Anyone dealt with this? I'm especially interested in the feedback of other men, but open and grateful for any imput at all. I feel bad. I like this girl a lot, and while we enjoy cuddling or simply spending time together, its pretty obvious she wishes I would be up for getting frisky a bit more often. She is very sweet and tolerant of me and my issues, doesn't get mad when I initiate things with her only to stop shortly thereafter, and I have talked to her about some of this, but I wish I could get over this.
Incidentally, I have pretty much stopped masturbating and watching porn, I still get horny sometimes, but its not unbearable and I feel like maybe if I just resist the urge to resort to that perhaps in time the things that seem gross to me about sex will not seem as noticeable as they do now.
