Sex With Wife Triggered Me

[cupfish]

Congratulations!! You handled this so well! Allow yourself the satisfaction of identifying and responding to a trigger. Congratulate you and your wife for your resiliency, celebrate an excellent job. Re: building trust forever. I try and think about only one day at a time....long horizons are pretty daunting.

 

[InvisibleSun]

You definitely need to speak with your wife about this! It is unfair to you and to her if you keep this a secret. I went through this with an ex lover of mine for many months..deeply traumatizing myself and lying to him every time we had sex and I pretended to enjoy it. Sex is supposed to be a beautiful act of love and self expression..something we all deserve! Identifying a trigger is the first step..working through this with your wife will allow the two of you to grow together and the healing process to begin.

 

[somerandomguy]

Don't worry! This will be fine.

This is minimization. It may well NOT be fine.

Again, I don't know your wife, but have you any idea how many women engage in sex when they really aren't into it for an assortment of "I guess it's the thing to do" kind of reasons?

Comparisons like this really aren't helpful either. Telling someone how bad the other gender has it isn't going to make anyone feel better.

In my experience, sexual triggers and sexual anxiety don't get better through discussion and, in fact, tend to dissolve relationships when discussed due to guilt, recrimination, criticism, and unrealistic expectations. I don't really know that things really even *can* get better except perhaps through massive amounts of therapy and a large helping of acceptance that sex may well basically be off the menu for the rest of your relationship.

 

[Hooper]

Again, I don't know your wife, but have you any idea how many women engage in sex when they really aren't into it for an assortment of "I guess it's the thing to do" kind of reasons?

Comparisons like this really aren't helpful either. Telling someone how bad the other gender has it isn't going to make anyone feel better.

In my experience, sexual triggers and sexual anxiety don't get better through discussion and, in fact, tend to dissolve relationships when discussed due to guilt, recrimination, criticism, and unrealistic expectations. I don't really know that things really even *can* get better except perhaps through massive amounts of therapy and a large helping of acceptance that sex may well basically be off the menu for the rest of your relationship.

I find comparisons like this very helpful. I try to be empathetic but I can't think like a woman much less a woman who has been through a trauma I never have. I came here to feel better and part of that was to get an understanding of how the other side thinks and feels. If sex was off of the menu for the rest of my relationship with my wife I would want to know that prior to marriage. We discussed a lot prior to marriage. If an open line of communication dissolves a relationship on the front end then so be it. The alternative to me is much worse.