Hi @Suzetig I've been following this discussion with interest. I'm so glad you were able to talk to your therapist about this, and feel safe doing so. I feel relationships need to be based on equality, and this is even more important in a physical relationship. The age divide between you and the adult meant the relationship could never be equal, he was taking advantage of a child, young and inexperienced, which means vulnerable. Although it might be illegal in some countries a relationship between two 14 year olds seems less 'wrong' because at least they are both equally inexperienced and young, so there is some equality in that relationship. I've not explained how I feel about this very well, sorry.
But the reason I am trying to find a way to explain is because my 23 year old step son, who has mild aspergers has starting hanging out with a 15 year girl. He sees nothing wrong, says there is no 'sexual' side to it, and thinks the age divide between them, in years isn't much True, but a 23 year old man, meeting a 15 year old girl, in the dark, at the local park, well it doesn't sound good, and wouldn't be considered 'innocent' on his part if any allegations were made. So I've struggled to explain to a young man, who doesn't quite always pick up on social norms.
So explaining it to him in terms of equality and experience, and asking what might she be thinking, is she perhaps infatuated, does she think he is going to settle down with her etc. has helped him to understand that he is the adult and he is responsible and (perhaps unintentionally) he is taking advantage. I would have taken the same point of view in your situation, there was an inherent inequality in the relationship, that favoured the adult.
I hope this helps, a tiny bit. You have my very best wishes, and I'm grateful to you for helping me understand even better.
But the reason I am trying to find a way to explain is because my 23 year old step son, who has mild aspergers has starting hanging out with a 15 year girl. He sees nothing wrong, says there is no 'sexual' side to it, and thinks the age divide between them, in years isn't much True, but a 23 year old man, meeting a 15 year old girl, in the dark, at the local park, well it doesn't sound good, and wouldn't be considered 'innocent' on his part if any allegations were made. So I've struggled to explain to a young man, who doesn't quite always pick up on social norms.
So explaining it to him in terms of equality and experience, and asking what might she be thinking, is she perhaps infatuated, does she think he is going to settle down with her etc. has helped him to understand that he is the adult and he is responsible and (perhaps unintentionally) he is taking advantage. I would have taken the same point of view in your situation, there was an inherent inequality in the relationship, that favoured the adult.
I hope this helps, a tiny bit. You have my very best wishes, and I'm grateful to you for helping me understand even better.
