Sexual Assault In Past Causing Intimacy Issues Now Help?

[Healing4MyFuture19]

I'm going to try to explain this the best way I can:
I am in a relationship for a lil over a year now and when I was 15 I was assaulted by a stranger. It took a few yrs to mostly heal from what happened and all the problems it caused me. I still have major issues with intimacy and my partner has been very understanding with it but now that him and I've been having sex and getting emotionally intimate as time goes on I've became sexually frustrated and emotionally upset cause I can't figure out how to communicate on different topics sexual and otherwise. He always listens but I don't feel it's doing anything.i want to allow him to get closer to me but I'm having brake checks a lot lately. Does anyone have advice or suggestions that can help me even recommendations I really don't want to feel like this and I want to open myself to him as well. Thanks in advance

 

[Friday]

Less talking about it, more doing it, perhaps?

Might not apply, since I'm not sure which areas you're talking about, but as an example or three...

Instead of "When you put your hand there I feel, etc." ... Just move the hand.
Instead of asking if you can snuggle more... Go lay down on the couch with him.
Instead of wanting to be kissed... Leaning in and laying one on him.

 

[Adorraj]

Because of my sexual abuse as a child I suffer from vaginismus.(painful/numb sex and my vaginal wall involuntary tightening to protect itself from penetration) For me I will have to buy dilators to get use to penetration. I recommend before having sex that you need to reconcile with your body. (For some sexual abuse/assault survivors feels their body betrayed them when they have orgasms during rape.) For me I'm practicing loving my body.(One time after I took a hot shower I laid in bed with soft music playing and gave myself a hot oil massage so my body got use to hands touching it and so my body can get use to receiving/expressing sensation. Each time I touch my genital area I monitored my breathing and thoughts. Sometimes my body would shut down(to protect itself) but I would tell my body it is okay to receive touch and feel the feelings (of pleasure) I was feeling. I don't know if you suffer from vaginismus but there is a website vaginismus where they have articles and products. Also I go to a website my tiny secrets . It's a great website for body positivity. They also have a Youtube channel with a video for speaking and healing your inner child. I hope this helped.

 

[falling_wave]

I also used to suffer from vaginismus due to rape and it caused a whole lot of shame which perpetuated the issue. For me I tried dialators and gradual touching etc. but didn't do much. I couldn't even use tampons :oops:. I found that for me was going to a therapist and talking through the most shameful issues with it. That desensitized the shame which is eat I think fueled it. I also don't necessarily recommend it but having a few drinks before might ease the tension a bit and then with success you can fear it less without that.