Sharing With Partner Too Much?

[Gem5y]

Hi so I have an amazing partner. He is understanding patient and talks listens to all the memories that seem to surface.

But should I edit. I owned up to him about something I feel so ashamed about. I get flashbacks where I freeze lose time etc. Our sex life at times is interrupted by this. I also have times where I think about what happened or read about abuse and get aroused. It's a sure fire way for me to be able to come. I told him and now he is thinking he is like my abusers in some way. I don't know how to reassure him. I know I shouldn't talk to him about that again.
So sad. Confused. Lonely.

 

[Friday]

Don't know about you. For me it was just a control issue. Mad control freak, me. It was part of replacing each and every single bad memory with 1,000 good ones. Blokes I was with? Some got that. With or without my telling. Some even before I knew why my libido takes a massive uptick every time after I was raped. Some didn't. Depended on them, more than on me, really.

 

[shimmerz]

I told him and now he is thinking he is like my abusers in some way.

If he was like your abusers you wouldn't have to go to an external source to get aroused. He would supply the 'ambiance' for you.

 

[Gem5y]

Control freak in me doesn't want to 'let go' with partners. Have learnt to do that with this fella. Used to just disassociate with previous partners. But there are times when it's all coming up or I'm reading self help book and all I want to do is masturbate. I hate myself for it at the time but feels like I have to do it.
As for him thinking he's like them in some way I really can't work out how he gets to that way of thinking.

 

[Cavegirl]

I understand how you feel. I get aroused reading things that should disgust me. It just comes with the territory. I try not to make myself feel bad about my thoughts. You can't control what arouses you, lord knows I've tried.

I read this in my psych book, and it made me feel better for some reason. People become aroused in REM sleep, men get erections, women get wet and their clits enlarge.

Our bodies get aroused on their OWN. I can't stop it from happening anymore that I can lower my blood pressure by wishing it lower.

Hang in there and try to be easy on yourself.