Should I Seek Help?

[anxietysteve]

Hello. I'm Steve. I practically feel like a coward for being here since I didn't have direct contact or even see anyone wounded.

I served in Iraq in '08/'09 with a NG military police unit. We were assigned to conduct patrols in sector and check up on Iraqi police stations. I was assigned as a gunner on an MRAP.

I'll summarize my activity in Iraq. 1) I woke up at about 3am one morning to a single rocket impacting near our housing on a FOB in East Baghdad. 2) I was certain that we were about to get f-ed up when I identified what I thought was going to be a VBIED heading at us, charged my 240 gave hand/arm signals, aimed and began to squeeze trigger, hesitated, braced for impact and nothing happened, car kept driving. 3) suicide bombing outside FOB killed 29 Iraqi police. I was "safe" by a T-wall waiting for a mission brief. I think the bombing was a 1/4 mile away if that. 4) patrolling at night, separate convoy was EFP'd about 1/4 mile in front of us. We pulled security. I was scared as fock.

I now believe that the anxiety I've been experiencing *may* be PTSD. I've never sought treatment for any of it. I'm reluctant to say its PTSD because I know war vets who unquestionably experienced things I never did. I'm thinking of seeking treatment for my symptoms that have persisted for almost 5 years.

Should I even bother?

 

[Scorpigrow]

Knowledge is power. So let's start with have you gone to a counselor? Even If it isn't PTSD they will be able to figure out what's going on.

Next, PTSD isn't from seeing dead bodies. Yes, some have seen horrible things, but sadly that's not all gnat triggers it. For instance, being "scared as fock" as you say. This experience could have overwhelmed your coping mechanisms. From there your brain files this stuff away, easily accessible, but not sorted and dealt with.

So first before you downgrade yourself because sone other guy saw this or that, remember YOU joined and went to war. YOU are a hero too. Dead bodies don't make heros, they only make nightmares.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome Steve, I can only say that you should get it checked out

I'm thinking of seeking treatment for my symptoms that have persisted for almost 5 years.

Get to the VA and make an appointment and while you're waiting (I'm you will have to) give a call to a Vet Center and they can advise you on what to do in the mean time. Link: http://www.vetcenter.va.gov/

Death and gore are not the only qualifiers for PTSD. We each handle fear in our own fashion.

Ba

 

[Jimmy1]

Nobody can be called a coward for asking questions mate. And nobody can be called a coward for going overseas.
Take nearly any civilian and place them over there and they would be crapping their pants.

Listen to what the boys have been saying, go get assessed. You might be 'Lucky' and it might just be an anxiety disorder that can be remedied with a little therapy, that happens you know. We have had quite a few people that have visited this forum and returned to active service just by getting a bit of help.

I wish you good luck mate.

 

[anxietysteve]

Well, I went to a private psychologist today that was set up by my employee assistance program. After some talk he suggested that I have PTSD and an anxiety disorder, plus depression. I'm not depressed and I told him that. He didn't seem to believe me. Anyway, I've got like four more free visits with him where we'll dig into my thoughts and determine if a formal diagnosis is necessary. He suggested group counseling at the VA for PTSD sufferers and some meds, but I want to avoid the meds if I can. Thanks everyone for the replies and advice. I think that I might stick around the forum here for a while!

 

[Jimmy1]

Steve, go get a professional diagnosis. There is no use sitting there with suggestions. Once you get the diagnosis, you can get some help via the VA.

Don't stress about meds. Just because you go to the VA it does not mean they automatically drug you up, but if you are facing challenges in your life, why do it the hard way, it does not make you any tougher. Meds are only a bandaid fix anyway, the real way to treat PTSD is via therapy.

 

[SteveMD]

Steve: Welcome.

I just finished 12 weeks of CBT and am between "whatever comes next." I have VA and a private psych. Lots of good drugs.PTSD and Anxiety and MDD. Sounds like what I have been hearing for two weeks, but my question remains: Where the hell do you start?

EMDR, ECT, a hobby, yoga, or pot?

I found your situation similar in that some things that set me off the most are not just extreme ones. For me, stupid as it sounds, some of my worst memories are about Green Zone idiots not respecting colleagues killed in Northern Iraq (08). Their deaths were hard, but the bureaucratic impudence that followed is what chases me more. Go figure?

I saw some of the Iraqi prisons (Abu Ghraib outsourced), and the conditions inside. I'm sure that some people could be affected just by looking inside those kinds of boxes. No shame in that either.

I was amazed to learn about the neuroscience of the situation, and the effectiveness of sertraline, etc...The right cocktail for you really makes a difference,

Steve

 

[anxietysteve]

I have been told by some buddies that I should put a claim in now. Isn't it too soon? I think so...

 

[Spock]

Steve,
Please never, ever refer to yourself as a "coward" again. Also, don't assume you gotta be storming the beaches like D.Day to have PTSD. You just need to study it better. People that were in a hurricane can get PTSD, you follow me? If you list your symptoms we can tell you with good probability if it is likely. So, quit second guessing yourself and just get on with it. Do some research on the symptoms and you'll be pretty sure yourself, then just relate those symptoms with your combat experience to your therapists. It is not rocket science.

For starters...there are plenty of resources on this site, check the media section and I'll bet you'll relate to most of the stories, explanations there. Are you isolating from old friends & family? jumpy? having trouble sleeping? feel like you wanna fight all the time? Are you drinking more? The people that seek treatment are the brave ones and the reason is in your own opening. Most deny, self medicate and stay broken or die. You were brainwashed to feel like a "coward" if you weren't in some movie definition of a combat engagement so you can pick yourself up in the most horrible situations and move on toward the sound of the guns and certain death against your inner survival instinct. The fact is you were in combat, it was traumatic and you seem to have lingering effects. You've broken the code so go get it verified and start dealing with it in treatment.

Coming here and asking questions is a great start. Going to group therapy will be better. Try to learn more about this than your doctors will know. And, my suggestion is your get as much documentation in therapy and with diagnosis as possible before you file your claim with the VA to make their job easier.

Stay safe, stay strong...

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Steve,

The advise above is good. The guys covered the fact that you don't need to wear a purple heart to be wounded.

Help at the Vet Centers is usually more accessable than at the VA facilities. And most of the councelors there are veterans.

Before you make application for compensation find an advocate. Most veterans organizations can provide them. Those folks know the system, and will help you avoid the pit falls that seriously slow the process.

Keep in mind that trying to deal with this on your own is a very bad idea. It's all to big and complex.

SD

 

[Flynnman]

Steve,

I never saw a dead body either in Iraq however I had a 5 lifetimes worth of close calls and feeling scared as f*ck. In my experience all it takes to trigger PTSD is an event where you feel the need to kick ass or run away to stop the danger and you end up doing neither. I was on a convoy that was disabled for several hours, no one was hurt but being stranded in the desert holding a security check point for hours with no communication while you run out of food and water was more than enough to trigger PTSD. No one was hurt, and no one died but it still f*cked me up good. You should definitely follow the advice of your fellow vets here. I would start with the Vet Center and a veterans advocacy group. You don't need a diagnosis to get help. I went 5 years without official recognition of my PTSD by the VA but I still went to therapy and fought for what I deserved. You are a hero my friend. You had the stones to volunteer, you got on that bus or plane, you survived hell on earth. Go get the help owed to you and reclaim your life. You will get nothing but support from the veteran community.

 

[Lee C]

Welcome