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Relationship Should I Turn My Back On Him Or Support Him After Break Up

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It is impossible to tell why anybody is doing anything.

Absolutely. This is so helpful because I tend to do this - try to read minds. So since I can't do that, I may have to leave him alone and just hope for the best. The thought that he may have been lying infuriates me and that's not helpful for either of us.

Thanks for that!
 
If you can support him from a distance, not falling into old patterns and romantic entanglements, then s...

Even though I'm dating someone else and I've moved on, I think the fact that I still get angry at thoght of him lying shows that there is still too much of something going on. Although I tend to obsess of hurts forever, so I just kick people out of my life so I don't have to think about it! That's my personal issue and he has his. I don't think I can help him deal with his if it's causing my own issues to come back up.

Thank you all for the help!
 
It has to be down to what is best for you.

Me and my current girlfriend are having very bad difficulties right now, if indeed this is going to lead to a break up, I've already promised myself I won't be hanging around trying to support her, my commitment to her ceases the moment we break up, despite our lengthy friendship/relationship.

Why? Because I love her deeply and there's no way I can just be this support blanket for bad times whilst watching her move on to other men, I know that emotionally I can't allow myself to be in that position. I know you want to be there to "rescue them" and be the hero, but what would you get from it ultimately? They've chosen to break up with you, that is a rejection, you won't get anything for helping them get better, you won't feel better either because in all honesty, if I helped an ex get back on their feet only to watch them move on and be happy and no longer need me, I'd not feel much of a sense of success.

You matter, it's something we often lose sight of in relationships at times, but it's something I'm learning, I still matter, just because they are having a tough time doesn't mean my needs cease to be important. You have to think what is best for you, you have every right to move on and not keep coming back to him.
 
That was very straight forward but absolutely necessary to hear. I guess I have always made sure that I take care of other people and I should stop that.

I guess I wouldn't get anything out of it but I am getting a lot of anxiety out of worrying if I treated him right.

On another note, I really hope that you and your girlfriend can work through your problems because you seem to love her so much. It's sad to think that a relationship would end because of a mental illness. I hope she gets the help she needs so she's able to see how much you care.
 
We'll see, I have to some extent hope that the person I've known so long, and who behaved very differently up until this point despite having PTSD most of the time we've known each other is in there somewhere, but of course there is a finite line where you can't keep sticking around and getting nothing back, sometimes have to just accept this "new them" is going to be them from now on.

I understand the anxiety, I have worried, a lot, to my own and her detriment because I don't want to be the guy who abandons her and walks away, that I really did do EVERYTHING reasonably in my power to make things work etc. It's that nagging paranoia we can all get, that we somehow failed, but the fact is, if you tried at all it's more than the majority would have done, so you need to be kinder to yourself. It doesn't feel like it in the moment but, you do come to realise actually, I've gone above and beyond and it's ok to "fail".

It will take time, I've only just come to a realisation that I've tried, a lot, I'm on here, I've read articles, I've listened to her etc, if after all this effort she still wants to cut me out and bin me, it's not "my fault" and I haven't "failed her".

It's the same for you, you've done more than most people ever would, you've tried, and it's ok to fail. You aren't responsible for his recovery, he is, you have tried, but now you have to focus on you, just as much as he has to work on himself too. He's not your responsibility any more, you're always going to be your own responsibility though.
 
Are you saying you're currently with this man, even though you know he is playing around on top of havin...
Not in a position to talk about it right now. You're welcome to read my previous posts. Don't think my profile page is private anymore.
 
We'll see, I have to some extent hope that the person I've known so long, and who behaved very di...
That's just the thing, I don't feel like I did anything to help him. You all know that I'm on this website, he doesn't. At the time my emotions and pride were hearing him say "I'm just not that into you. So I'm going to tell you whatever bs I have to do I don't feel guilty". I'm afraid that at the time I just seemed like a person with no empathy for mental issues and walked away. Which couldn't be further from the truth.

You actually did try things. In your situation, I don't think you could do more.
 
Thank you!
Can I find just Tiredtexan's diaries through that link? I don't see a search option...[/QUOTE...
My diary is private and therefore not in that section, sorry. I have posted a lot in the PTSD Relationships forum, though.
 
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