General Shut outs/blocking

[Willowtree]

Hi guys

I am in a current shut out/full on block from my exsufferer. At this point I don't believe I will hear from him again. It has been 6 weeks, which is the longest he has ever shut me out.

I am just wondering what is the longest you have been shut out for?

The time before this was 4 weeks. But this feels different and I'm taking the measures of moving On, even though I don't want to. Has anybody not heard from someone for an extended amount of time, just to see them pop up? We have not been in a relationship for 9 months, although it has been push pull all year. He's not getting treatment and I'm pretty sure is in denial.

Curious to hear others experiences and if it's been long.
Thanks!

 

[LuckiLee]

Hi there. I went back and read your previous threads and they are all the same. He isolates. Blocked communication. Broke up with you. In this post you even refer to him as your ex. So I'm not sure what kind of response you're looking for.

You say he refuses therapy and is in denial. Nothing YOU can do about that. He has to realize there's a problem and take the right steps to heal. If he's unwilling to seek help nothing is going to change.

PTSD relationships are very difficult even when both parties are committed and doing the hard work of therapy and communication.

If your guy isn't ready he isn't ready. And all the research, education and empathy will not do any good as long as he's in "denial".

Good luck and I hope some day he'll finally go get the help he needs.

 

[Willowtree]

Hi there. I went back and read your previous threads and they are all the same. He isolates. Blocked co...

Thanks Lee,

Not really looking for any kind of canned response, just other people's experiences.

It's been a rollercoaster to say the least, and although I do love him very much, your right, that it's his choice to heal or not. I think the getting blocked and previous shut outs are just so painful for me. It's devastating to have a life with someone and then have it sort of ripped away from you. I'm coming back Into the reality of the situation now...

I've read lotes about push pull and shut outs. So I'm processing the ending and it's hard without any proper closure or a conversation. At the end of the day, I just want him to be healthy and happy. Thanks for your response.

 

[Deleted member 41765]

While I've not read your previous threads, it sounds like you've been enmeshed in a very painful situation. You say you don't want to move on, yet my instinct is that it would be the best, and I say that knowing it isn't what you want to hear and certainly not what you were asking for. My last relationship was a push pull scenario that was very difficult to untangle myself from (it took years!!!!), so I think I get how hard it can be, but now that I'm free from the mess, I realize how important it was that I chose myself. Sending as much support and clarity as I am able.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Just look through the supporter relationship threads. Most of them are "he/she shut me out and/or broke up with no closure/explanation."

PTSD relationships can be brutal.

 

[Willowtree]

While I've not read your previous threads, it sounds like you've been enmeshed in a very painful situa...

Thank you. It has been painful. Thanks for your well wishes!

 

[Willowtree]

Just look through the supporter relationship threads. Most of them are "he/she shut me out and/or br...

Yes sweet pea.

They can be very brutal
I still see the man I love very much. It's just all very sad. My only wish is that he gets help for himself. He isn't an overly angry person, just seems to be very frightened all the time. And isolates himself like I've never seen before. I don't know if he feels worthy of love.

At any rate, I know the push/pull is prevalent in alot of relationships where the disease is present. Just having a hard time moving forward.

 

[Buttercup]

I have been going through the push/pull, shut outs, blocking, and break ups for nearly a year and a half now and I think I finally hit my wall. I put my foot down the other night. If he can't even begin to commit to a compromise or choosing some other way to deal with having me in his life, then don't come popping back up again in a week, or 5, or 3 months from now. It is very painful and damaging.

To answer your question the longest I've been blocked is 3 months. The shortest shut out was 2 days.

I can tell you this is the lightest I have felt in many months! It feels great! I mean I still am head over heels, crazy about the man, but yes, I have to choose me at some point. There is nothing in the world we can do to make them want to talk to us so might as well move on with the business of making ourselves happy.

 

[LB226]

Hello Buttercup,
Reading your posts about your experience with shut outs....
My ex forced me out of our house five weeks ago. A fight provoked his actions and the worst PTSD meltdown I've ever witnessed in the 7 months we dated. Verbal abuse followed, along with physical threats. It was the most traumatic week of my life upon moving out.
It's so painful to not have any closure, but I've resigned myself to the fact there is nothing I can do. Giving up the idea of trying to help someone who won't help themselves, gives me a sense of freedom. The emotional pain from the loss of a really good man is the hardest part to accept. I'm convinced my ex will never be contacting me again, it's just a gut feeling. This was the first and only shut out I experienced while in a relationship with him. Many low grade episodes occurred during the relationship.
Has your ex contacted you since your last post?

 

[Buttercup]

Hi ladyboss (love that name!), no he has not contacted me but I do expect to hear from him at some point. I guess I will see how I respond when the time comes but he and I do need to figure this out or let it go. He struggles so much with a great many things so i don't know when he will be able to have a relationship...or if. Although for his sake I truly hope he can do it at some point.

Ladyboss your situation and experience sounds pretty bad and I'm sorry you went through that. Sounds like a real shock to the system. I would not bet that he won't contact you again, although I guess it's so hard to tell from the many stories I read here.

His big meltdown could probably have to do with the content of your fight, so maybe that's why you are so sure you won't hear from him again. I hope you are feeling better at this point. I know lack of closure and communication is so confusing and frustrating. Glad you are feeling that sense of freedom now.

 

[HURTINGINTN2]

I can certainly say I feel your pain. When I met my guy, he definitely was a different person than now. I didn' see this coming. It hurts because he blocks me on fb and his phone . I live out of state. I hate to give up but im only hurting my self.

 

[NaeNae75]

It's a long hard road... my heart is with you all... maybe one day it can be with me too.

It feels impossible sometime, on both sides of it. But nothing is truly impossible. Just remember when making your decision to ask yourself if you can deal with this for a lifetime. Because the potential is there for that. It can get better, but it takes a LOT of painful work on the part of the sufferer... sometimes it feels easier to live with it than do the work.
Even when the work is being done (like for me) I definitely still have some rough days.
Be honest with yourself and true to yourself.

Great relationships are made through hard work, not feelings. Choosing not to do this sometimes heartwrenching work doesn't make you bad. Sometimes it just means you have the courage to be honest with yourself. That's hard too!
It's totally your choice, and neither one makes you bad. Your choice is for you, and you don't have to answer to anyone for that.