Shy? Afraid? Is There a Difference?

[Grama-Herc]

My question to this is

Is being shy the same as being afraid? Are they one and the same or are they different?

AND, how many of you were shy as children? I was terribly shy

 

[Lisa]

Hm... well the way I am reading the difference is - shyness is like a personality trait, and being afraid is an emotion?

I am, by far, not shy! However... as a child I was incredibly afraid of people, and incredibly anxious ...as a result I barely spoke. So I behaved like an 'extremely shy' child. When I am afraid now, I am the same... I fel vulnerable and withdraw and try not to interact with people. But when I'm not afraid.... I'm full of gob!

 

[ruddy]

What is shy?

I was curious about this because I've been told that I'm shy but I've never thought that to be the case. So I looked up the definition:

• Bashful; retiring
• Easily frightened away; timid
• Suspicious; distrustful
• Reluctant; wary

After looking at this definition I do not agree with the assertion that I am a shy person. I have no problem meeting people, making eye contact, speaking up for myself or even giving a speech. There elements of my behavior that fit this definition. I am slow to trust and reluctant to expose/express emotions, but I think those behaviors are the result of ptsd rather than being a part of my true personality.

I think people often confuse introversion with shyness. I am introverted and believe that is a true part of my personality. I want and need to spend a fair amount of time alone to recharge and sort things out. On the other hand, sometimes I withdraw to a point that is unhealthy because of my ptsd. Lately I've started to examine my motivation for wanting to be alone in a particular circumstance.

 

[Acer]

I think people often confuse introversion with shyness

Yes, and a need for privacy with shyness. I am NOT shy by any means, but I am very private, and that can appear shy.

 

[dljwhitewolf]

The nook of my dad's neck was my best hide from the world place. Yes, I was extremely shy, until the big poop hit the fan, then I told everyone, but no one listened and thought I had a vivid imagination.

 

[mightsurvive]

Hi grama-Herc
I consider myself to be a very outgoing person although there are things that I get shy and nervous about like parties but i will chat to anyone and definitley speak my mind. On the other hand I am a teacher and I dont think that is an easy job for a shy person but maybe I'm wrong there. There arent any particularly shy teachers at my school though and its a big school. I dont think I am shy at all although I do fit the suspicious, distrustful and wary category of shyness. But i am very frightened and afraid. I'm just good at hiding it in public most of the time. I agree with Lisa about shyness being part of your personality and being afraid part of an emotional. I think you can be extrovert and afraid and you can and be shy and not afraid. Strange thing is tho - since I came on this site I don't feel so afraid to show how I really feel (which is a really good thing for me - i think) because i know im not alone after having read lots of posts.

 

[anthony]

Afraid stems fear..... as Lisa said, its emotional. Not a good one being afraid. You must face fears, not ignore or dismiss them.

Shyness is totally different, doesn't encompass fear, more self esteem.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Ok Anthony, let me ask this

If shy has its basis in self esteem, then what could cause young children to become shy? As a small child, can the mind incorporate and understand being told it is stupid?

Can the mind of a small child grasp negative language and internalize it, store it in the subconcious and be affected by it.

 

[mightsurvive]

Hi Grama-Herc
All sorts of things can make a child be shy. I see it all too often in my job. It can be anything from a parent showing that they are scared of something and this being picked up and copied by a child (even though this is not intentinal by the parent) to hearing arguments at home, being told that they dont measure up to expectations and so much stronger stuff too. This can happen right from the early months of childhood. Children are very perceptive and no matter how much they dont want to pick up on vibes is it often not something that can be helped. Here's a non-harmful example from my own very early childhood (i must have been aware of this since i could understand speech or maybe even earlier) - my mother always hated wearing yellow clothes because it clashed with her hair - i'm the same like that too. I can't ever remember having liked the colour yellow but i dont mind whatsoever. She once made me a yellow dress when i was a child but the mind set was already enforced. Maybe that is a start to answering your question. Take care

 

[anthony]

Yes Herc, absolutely a child can interpret. Even at the age of a baby, the brain can interpret certain characteristics, ie. if parents are yelling and screaming, baby will cry. Toddlers do similar and worse. As children grow they can learn to block out certain aspects, hence why as an adult complex PTSD exists due to the nature of trauma over such a long period of time. PTSD is PTSD, the only thing that makes it complex is to change the only thinking behaviours ever known to a child and now as an adult.

Children build self esteem through how their parents interact and engage them growing up.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Anthony

WOW! Thanks for that one. Mother says my dad was cold, distant and lacking in any affection towards me. When my sister was born he gave her all the love and attention he never gave to me.

Things are beginning to come back in that he always called me a quitter.

Anthony, gonna go to my diary for this

 

[ruddy]

Children build self esteem through how their parents interact and engage them growing up.

Hmm - that's an interesting thought. I must have acquired my self esteem from other sources or successes in later life. So - it is possible to overcome?