Single Tasking

[Kubash16]

Yeah in one week my equine T and psydoc gave me the same message. As my psydoc reminded me they hadn’t even spoken ?

Funny, I had numerous people ask me if I was ok last week. So I must have looked awful as I’m the cover up expert. Then when I told someone I was considering taking leave, tears just started. Body clearly said yes, about time.

I get it. I think we tend to try and live not feeling the crappy stuff too intensely and filling ourselves with so much outside stuff. Then we forget to listen to ourselves and our bodies.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @Kubash16 - :)

Any suggestions on what that one thing could be lol?

^^It differs for everybody - for me it has changed many times as I have learned to slow the f*ck down and learn to not trash my body and mind.

So, training my dog was a big thing in my life, then horse-riding, then knitting, then cooking, then gardening...and a dozen other things... and then any one of those things as long as I do only one thing at a time and I stay in that moment. For you it could be parachuting or mountain climbing - exercise things are generally really good places to start and learning to breathe, posture, yoga, swimming....

My big challenge is what to do next because I know when I start, I must commit to it and finish it.

Another big challenge of mine was to 'not allow the perfect to become the enemy of good' - Unknown origin.

We are not doing brain surgery here so it applied to me and was exactly what a perfectionist does not want to hear. However when I worked on it and allowed this to happen the sky did not fall - so practice saying in your head this over and over until you integrate this into your day. That on it's own is mental health gold imho.

I probably do have anxiety as well

^^Whilst anxiety is a feature of ptsd - there are other anxiety disorders. Check it out with your T. You spoke about depression as being the main feature but I think what you were writing about sounded more like the anxiety feature but that's just a thought. Forget it if it's not relevant.

I don’t like who I am right now so why would I want to just be with myself.

^^Well this is exactly why you need to learn to be with yourself. I'm not saying you are doing this but whilst you are out there be all things to everyone else and everything else - which might be very important - when you get home and you sit down... can you sit in silence for even five minutes without climbing the walls and looking for diversion from you own thoughts?

If no - you need to work on accepting who you are even if that first means finding out first. @MyWillow has mentioned the body breaks down after a while if you ignore this. Mine certainly did because I ignored the warning signs. Please do not do that.

I sort of know what you are talking about because I was doing about 8 major things simultaneously for years and then I just broke. I'm pretty f**ked up now - physically as well - try strange auto-immune disorders for starters... ugh..

I definitely want to change everything all at once. I don’t know how to accept that I can’t feasibly do that.

^^Well I don't know how to persuade you that your bull in a china shop routine will not continue to work with long held habits that up till recently seem to have worked fabulously well. I mean I had to learn the hard way and I'd thoroughly recommend you NOT DO THAT. lol

This is purely an observation but a lot of people who have ptsd seem to experience this dilemma. They are high functioning individuals who consistently ignore or push their minds and bodies far too far. Either intentionally or accidentally or even sometimes via factors completely out of their control. And then they break. End. Of. Story.

What would persuade you to pull back on your fast paced, high functioning life-style? If the pay-off was that you can maintain some pace, not run out of steam and more importantly get the depression, anxiety, ptsd back to manageable levels?

Do you need to really crash like I did... or can you take the message from MyWillow who has heeded her T's warning? I'm not sure I know how to persuade you. :sorry: But I honestly do understand how difficult it is. :hug:

 

[Kubash16]

Hey @Kubash16 - :)



^^It differs for everybody - for me it has changed many times as I have learned to slow the f*ck down and learn to not trash my body and mind.

So, training my dog was a big thing in my life, then horse-riding, then knitting, then cooking, then gardening...and a dozen other things... and then any one of those things as long as I do only one thing at a time and I stay in that moment. For you it could be parachuting or mountain climbing - exercise things are generally really good places to start and learning to breathe, posture, yoga, swimming....

My big challenge is what to do next because I know when I start, I must commit to it and finish it.

Another big challenge of mine was to 'not allow the perfect to become the enemy of good' - Unknown origin.

We are not doing brain surgery here so it applied to me and was exactly what a perfectionist does not want to hear. However when I worked on it and allowed this to happen the sky did not fall - so practice saying in your head this over and over until you integrate this into your day. That on it's own is mental health gold imho.



^^Whilst anxiety is a feature of ptsd - there are other anxiety disorders. Check it out with your T. You spoke about depression as being the main feature but I think what you were writing about sounded more like the anxiety feature but that's just a thought. Forget it if it's not relevant.



^^Well this is exactly why you need to learn to be with yourself. I'm not saying you are doing this but whilst you are out there be all things to everyone else and everything else - which might be very important - when you get home and you sit down... can you sit in silence for even five minutes without climbing the walls and looking for diversion from you own thoughts?

If no - you need to work on accepting who you are even if that first means finding out first. @MyWillow has mentioned the body breaks down after a while if you ignore this. Mine certainly did because I ignored the warning signs. Please do not do that.

I sort of know what you are talking about because I was doing about 8 major things simultaneously for years and then I just broke. I'm pretty f**ked up now - physically as well - try strange auto-immune disorders for starters... ugh..



^^Well I don't know how to persuade you that your bull in a china shop routine will not continue to work with long held habits that up till recently seem to have worked fabulously well. I mean I had to learn the hard way and I'd thoroughly recommend you NOT DO THAT. lol

This is purely an observation but a lot of people who have ptsd seem to experience this dilemma. They are high functioning individuals who consistently ignore or push their minds and bodies far too far. Either intentionally or accidentally or even sometimes via factors completely out of their control. And then they break. End. Of. Story.

What would persuade you to pull back on your fast paced, high functioning life-style? If the pay-off was that you can maintain some pace, not run out of steam and more importantly get the depression, anxiety, ptsd back to manageable levels?

Do you need to really crash like I did... or can you take the message from MyWillow who has heeded her T's warning? I'm not sure I know how to persuade you. :sorry: But I honestly do understand how difficult it is. :hug:

I know I know. You have a lot of really great information and thank you. I may have to read it again and again each day until it sinks in.

 

[Kubash16]

So I just tried that whole do nothing and be completely bored for five minutes thing. Omg that was brutal. That was insanity inducing torture! You people are crazy! I suppose that means I should do it more ???

 

[Chris-duck]

So I just tried that whole do nothing and be completely bored for five minutes thing. Omg that was brutal. That was insanity inducing torture! You people are crazy! I suppose that means I should do it more ???

This is me :laugh: Y'know I have no advice, but yeah. I get this.

 

[MyWillow]

Maybe do it for 30 seconds. The trick is to notice without judgement when your mind wanders and make a choice to draw your awareness back to the present moment.

 

[Friday]

I need to work on being okay with being bored (from not doing five things at once) and being able to focus on just one task at a time. I need to learn how to slow down and absorb living instead of rushing to the next moment so that my mind doesn’t catch up to me.

To me, these read as 3 very seperate things. And, quite frankly, it seems like shooting yourself in the foot to insist that you must be bored to do any task singly AND/OR to slow down and absorb living.

I’m not saying that learning to tolerate boredom isn’t a useful skill, just that it’s making the other 2 things suck really hard for no reason. As well as missing out on both joïe de vivre and opportunities to have some serious fun. Rather like insisting that exercise has to happen inside of a gym, instead of by playing sports, when you hate the gym and love sport.

 

[Kubash16]

To me, these read as 3 very seperate things. And, quite frankly, it seems like shooting yourself in the foot to insist that you must be bored to do any task singly AND/OR to slow down and absorb living.

I’m not saying that learning to tolerate boredom isn’t a useful skill, just that it’s making the other 2 things suck really hard for no reason. As well as missing out on both joïe de vivre and opportunities to have some serious fun.

You’re probably right. Any ideas how to make it easier on myself?

 

[Friday]

What do you love? Enjoy? Are excited by?

 

[Kubash16]

What do you love? Enjoy? Are excited by?

This is something I am super struggling with right now. I feel like I don’t have/know my own identity. My life has been a culmination of living for other people and adhering to what they wanted. First parents, then straight into husband. I’m single now and have to figure out what I like without doing things solely because others liked them. I’m having an identity crisis lol.

 

[blackemerald1]

So I just tried that whole do nothing and be completely bored for five minutes thing. Omg that was brutal.

^^So this tells you that your tolerance for even sitting still and learning to quiet your mind is fairly low. @MyWillow is correct... start out with a shorter time frame. The 5 minutes was just a random number. Honestly, it is very hard to do because if you are a chronic over the top personality probably whilst you were sitting there you were conjuring up shopping lists, trying to resist glancing at your phone and wondering :wtf: am I doing this for??? And then :sorry: it doesn't work for me!!

It doesn't come at all naturally. It is a discipline and eventually it will become a release and a new ability that can be applied in a lot of situations where you are not sitting but exercising etc., You can do this swinging from a trapeze once you get the hang of it.

Another tip that may help is focus on your breathing. Learn a good breathing technique that you can do and like and think about that.

Don't expect miracles. It doesn't cure anything but it may prevent some bad things from happening or getting worse.

I’m having an identity crisis lo

^^Point taken. If you don't know who you are and what to do try something new - even if you are thinking that it may not be something that you are going to want to do every day, all day and forever more. lol !! That's not what this is about. As @ Friday said, think of something exciting, new, different. Enjoy. Definitely please enjoy!!

Doing something wholly takes practice. We can all multi-task poorly (cringe at that statement lol) and we all strive for perfect which is a bit of myth in our own minds but anyway....

Doing something wholly for me is that when I am doing that thing/activity I am completely immersed in it. I give my brain a rest from being frantic, frenetic, fighting emotional and physical pain. It's time out for my brain... even though it is still thoroughly in use ...doing what I am doing. Idk if I am even making sense :unsure:

When I finish (whatever) I feel rested but sometimes physically exhausted. And my brain feels ready for whatever sh*t is coming down the line.

And just so you know... like everyone here I'm still learning, practising, exploring and experimenting. I had to be TOLD by my doctor to get this under control and DO it like @MyWillow.

I'm no guru believe me! lol I get things wrong all of the time...

Hope this helps.. :hug:

 

[Kubash16]

:hug: it does help. Quieting my mind is not something I’m adept or comfortable with cause it’s just so much all the time so the silence becomes painful. I’ll try shorter times first. If I keep going like I am I’m going to give myself a heart attack and never get around to truly living.