BoN-bOn
Gold Member
I was in a very abusive marriage for six years that I left ten years ago, only to return to my parents’ emotional abuse. My mom passed away shortly after that, and my Dad’s controlling behavior got even worse.
I attended school and worked until I was able to get my son and I a place of our own. I stayed involved with the local domestic violence shelter and even spoke at events about our story. I continued to go to school & am now an RN living in a different town that we moved to 3 years ago. For the first time in my life, I am totally free of abuse & control!
I attempted my first relationship 2 years ago. We dated for 2 years, and during this time I realized that I still have so many unresolved issues. Issues stemming from the marriage, as well as childhood emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I thought when I moved here, I could just put it all behind me and start over…apparently it doesn’t work that way. I realize that I can’t let anyone in…I don’t want anyone getting too close. I don’t want to be touched.
Alcohol became a way to mask these feelings and appear “normal” in the relationship. This created a downward spiral for me. There wasn’t any abuse in this relationship. He was a GREAT guy & I tried so hard to make it work. He tried to understand, but the harder he tried, the more I pushed him away.
I start EMDR therapy tomorrow for PTSD. I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has tried EMDR therapy. I never expected to have to deal with all of these issues again, but I realize that all this time I have been so busy in “survival mode,” that I never took the time to actually heal.
Now that I’ve acknowledged what I need to do, all of the memories, feelings, and emotions of everything in my past have come flooding back like a tidal wave. The insomnia, horrible nightmares, and panic attacks are worse than ever before. I feel like I have re-lived a lifetime of hurt in the past three weeks! I keep hearing that it gets harder before it gets easier…I hope this is the “harder” part! I feel like I'm sinking & need someone to throw me a rope!
I attended school and worked until I was able to get my son and I a place of our own. I stayed involved with the local domestic violence shelter and even spoke at events about our story. I continued to go to school & am now an RN living in a different town that we moved to 3 years ago. For the first time in my life, I am totally free of abuse & control!
I attempted my first relationship 2 years ago. We dated for 2 years, and during this time I realized that I still have so many unresolved issues. Issues stemming from the marriage, as well as childhood emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I thought when I moved here, I could just put it all behind me and start over…apparently it doesn’t work that way. I realize that I can’t let anyone in…I don’t want anyone getting too close. I don’t want to be touched.
Alcohol became a way to mask these feelings and appear “normal” in the relationship. This created a downward spiral for me. There wasn’t any abuse in this relationship. He was a GREAT guy & I tried so hard to make it work. He tried to understand, but the harder he tried, the more I pushed him away.
I start EMDR therapy tomorrow for PTSD. I would be interested in hearing from anyone who has tried EMDR therapy. I never expected to have to deal with all of these issues again, but I realize that all this time I have been so busy in “survival mode,” that I never took the time to actually heal.
Now that I’ve acknowledged what I need to do, all of the memories, feelings, and emotions of everything in my past have come flooding back like a tidal wave. The insomnia, horrible nightmares, and panic attacks are worse than ever before. I feel like I have re-lived a lifetime of hurt in the past three weeks! I keep hearing that it gets harder before it gets easier…I hope this is the “harder” part! I feel like I'm sinking & need someone to throw me a rope!
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