Small Changes In Perception Causing Larger Issues?

[Tinyflame]

Hope this is the right forum section. I think I'm coming to understand the possible relation to memory impairment & recall, dissociation or 'getting lost', & perhaps even difficulties trusting.

I have noticed in the past if a small detail is different, such as a person's hair is pulled back, I can't recognize them. (Well all I've noticed at the time was I can't recognize them, & it's un-nerving, later I've put it down to that). But the interesting thing is that nothing else becomes 'familiar'- not their voice, nor face shape, nothing much. Similarly, I was on a familiar street with construction, but I felt it was all unfamiliar. And a car looked 'different', then I felt 'lost'. Also, when there is a trigger (for example, a particular car), I seem to stop noticing other things (like hey here's a bus, there's someone behind near by, etc.)

So I am thinking, somewhere does a small bit of doubt, or a change, send (my) mind off in some direction of hypervigilance only in regard to that detail? Such as trust, also, a small thing to mistrust becomes (not paranoia) in the moment, but I just cannot recall contrary evidence/memories?

Has anyone thought this might contribute to the all-or-nothing perspective we often default to, or at least possibly begin reacting with (before we try to 're-think' things through- & everything is usually much calmer or we are 'removed away'), that the subjective experience (something distorted or 'different' in our environment/ something that causes 'doubt' or uncertainty) is what starts the chain of thinking (& feeling)? Not just that something is a trigger (I understand that), but that something small causes such huge doubt in other (even unrelated) areas of perception?

I think it might even have to do with the 'feeling' of uncertainty/ doubt starts some degree of panic? Maybe because not being aware means losing control or escape, or something similar?

It's taken me years (until now) to notice or recognize this, but I suspect it has a huge impact emotionally, too. Has anyone noticed or thought of such a thing? I realize of course for example that we mostly have obvious valid reasons for mistrust and such (our histories & experiences), but maybe this contributes- the reason for the distorted or incomplete recall?

What do you think?

 

[Recovery4Me]

I have a sequencing disorder that kicks in during periods of "working through" something. It is similar to what you have described insofar as the hair, names, street with construction, car ect. attached to hypervigilance. But then I have been determined to have attention disorder + hyperactivity as well.

I found the best way for me to describe it is part of me is buffering while the operating system behind it is multi-tasking, or overloaded. However, I can with accurate detail remember the person's voice register for tonal quality and the energy imprint of whether they are safe or not (as I can not even recall their name). :unsure: Then after becoming embarrassed, I re-imprint their name. Normally the next time, it takes and is filed correctly but not always.

Can you share if you have any other senses that are activated during your attempt at recall? You really do ask the best questions! Your inquiries, allow me to reflect & know myself better. Thanks for the thread.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh my @Recovery4Me , that gives me a lot to both learn & think about! I will have to think, as per what I sense. I think heightened visual acuity, that details in surroundings & people are noticed that normally aren't, which consequently makes familiar places seem less familiar, not more so. What does seem to increase is my adrenaline level, for sure. In leaps & bounds.

I have never heard of a 'sequencing disorder', what is that?

I actually came back to the thread because I didn't feel I was clear. That is, I only know of my own experiences, & they may be only mine. But I can better illustrate by means of examples. How many people here have said that their T's office rearranged (or a new office entirely), causes some form of distress, & whatever they had planned to talk about goes out the window? (Sometimes followed by distrust or misgivings about their T or continuing therapy). Or, sometimes people have something to accomplish, but something small throws them off- noise, crowds, too much lighting etc.

Conversely, I read once Anthony's post about the forum being shut down for maintenance; I thought at the time how understanding he was of ptsd, to be specific ("It will be between so-and-so, for such-and-such long.." ) Very detailed, even overly-detailed. But then I thought, he 'gets' it. It's clear, predictable.

So similarly I am wondering if these small changes cause much that we cognitively assign other explanations to? Analogous to how increased stress (even not eating, or sleeping) contributes to the stress cup & influences how we feel (& if we don't recognize it & stop it the conclusions we draw), perhaps increased vigilance notices selectively some changes or details, begins to neglect others, and ultimately causes panic, more stress, and then contributes to the conclusions we draw.

For example, if I don't recognize someone (they have recognized me first), the first thing I feel is suspicion, then I question if they are telling the truth. If they seem a 'non-threat', then I bluff my way through. Internally the fear they are a threat changes to fear why I can't remember them, then ashamed & questioning my sanity, & hiding the internal panic. Then my brain goes to mush, all I want to do is get away, & and with those feelings I can draw potentially many negative conclusions that really aren't directly related to simply not recognizing someone. Yet the person themself is not a trigger. The closest way to describe it might be the trigger is potential unsafety, maybe that's just hypervigilance, like a faulty alarm bell going off? I am aware I feel fear or panic, & dread, and I'm aware that I 'should' know where I am, etc, it's just that it 'seems' different, & causes confusion that causes more stress, & more panic. And the cycle continues.

Like being really really stressed-out, really!! :wideeyed: :eek: :rolleyes:

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess too, it could be minimizing. Like for example a particular distinct type & colour of car is a trigger. Though I don't think the car is common, I see it frequently where I work. Every time I do, my heart is in my throat. But I know it's a trigger, & I tell myself to 'cool it'. I even know cognitively, maybe they live near-by, maybe that explains why I see it so seemingly often. Maybe I even notice it at all because I'm more vigilant even unconsciously to watch for it. But the other day I saw it 3 or 4 times. One of the times I turned around on purpose to not look at it, to put my back to it, but when I looked down the street the street didn't look familiar, yet I've seen it a 1000 times.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

It might be hypervigilance. Being in a constant fight or flight mode with adrenaline rushing through your body, makes you pay less attention to details. All your brain is focused on is detecting danger and preparing to either fight or flight when you find it.

Just a theory though. What do you think?

 

[Tinyflame]

I think you said above what I was trying to convey more eloquently & in far less words than I did @Snowwhite . Thank you! :hug:

It never occurred to me of such a possibility until now, but yes it 'fits'. I just thought it was my fault, not that there could be mitigating factors or a cause. I've spent so much time denying to myself & pushing through or trying to over ride what I feel it didn't occur to me that things affect me or have an impact like that, especially little things. I'm much more likely to 'suck it up' than acknowledge it, or even recognize it.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I'm much more likely to 'suck it up' than acknowledge it, or even recognize it.

I know exactly what you mean! I've always been taught to 'suck it up'. Combine that upbringing with perfectionism, eating disorder and trauma and there you go: repressing emotions has become an automatic process. And then you need to put in effort to even feel and recognise your emotions. It's like I'm living through my feelings backwards :confused:

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG absolutely @Snowwhite, exactly, me too. Yes, I have to remember I even have any, or am entitled. It's (& me) last on the priority list. Let alone to recognize they can influence or dictate how I feel & even how I react or what I perceive.