I was just meaning that because school has been so frustrating, is it possible that with your new resources you need to look at this with a new lens. Sounds like you are pretty certain of how this will work out though.
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Deleted member 27340
Not really.
I have no idea. I've spent hours reading about options online, I'm still coming up empty.
Maybe. I just don't trust that my T and those people will actually do anything to help, and that's the primary argument my foster parents have for me going back because they blindly believe my T will help me.
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Deleted member 27340
This is what the official website for the folk high school says:
"Folk high schools are one-year boarding schools based on the idea of learning for life, not only for occupations and degrees. We provide an opportunity for you as a student to focus on subjects that interest you and to grow as a person, in a small and close-knit learning community without exams and grades. These are schools where you broaden your horizon, deepen your social insights, get more confidence in yourself, and learn tools for lifelong learning."
"Folk high schools are one-year boarding schools based on the idea of learning for life, not only for occupations and degrees. We provide an opportunity for you as a student to focus on subjects that interest you and to grow as a person, in a small and close-knit learning community without exams and grades. These are schools where you broaden your horizon, deepen your social insights, get more confidence in yourself, and learn tools for lifelong learning."
This isn't suggesting that you don't know yourself - clearly you do know yourself.
That said,
How well does Tyra with inner critic active, know and rate the Tyra without the inner critic active?
Are these current assessments of yourself fully rounded ones, or are they your inner critics harsh put downs?
It will be very interesting to see how you assess yourself in say mid or late may, compared to now ( February).
Your current assessments seem to be at odds with the Tyra that those who are posting here think we know.
That said,
How well does Tyra with inner critic active, know and rate the Tyra without the inner critic active?
Are these current assessments of yourself fully rounded ones, or are they your inner critics harsh put downs?
It will be very interesting to see how you assess yourself in say mid or late may, compared to now ( February).
Your current assessments seem to be at odds with the Tyra that those who are posting here think we know.
scout86
VIP Member
Venting is fine, to a point. Give yourself a chance to do that for awhile, but don't get stuck there.
ADHD....... My T has it. I haven't been officially diagnosed with it but he says I, at the very least, have "ADHDish tendencies". But, in my experience, just dealing with all the PTSD/family related stuff you've got going on in the background can make it pretty hard to concentrate too. There have been a lot of days lately when it's felt like I'd be better off if I'd never started therapy and stirred all this up. That's not actually true, but it feels that way.
I can see where it would be hard for the people around you, who've never experienced what you're experiencing, to not totally get it. And there ARE no easy answers, so it's tempting to just say dumb stuff like "think positive!" (I used to respond to that with "I'm positive I can't do it!" LOL I don't recommend that. It never worked well for me.) I hated school too. Thought of it as "serving my time". But, lucky for me, I love to learn and still do, in spite of "them".
So, I've bee trying to think of what helped me that might help you. When I was about your age, I read in a book that the job of every human being is to chose a teacher and find a friend. And that turns out to be good advice. Not easy to do, but well worth the effort. (I didn't find a friend until much later.) But I did find a couple people who were willing and able to be mentors. Very valuable! And I found a thing or 2 I could be passionate about. Didn't have anything to do with school. Stuff that meant something to ME that I could apply myself to 1000% when I wanted, the way I wanted, with no need for judgement. (I did and still do, have a tendency to be pretty critical of my own efforts. Avoid that as best you can at least with one thing.)
You're smart. You DO have a future ahead of you, even though it doesn't feel that way. (That's a symptom, not reality.) Don't burn any bridges you might someday want to use.
Here, homeschooling is an option and they have programs for people with "alternative learning styles". Some of that might help you, but if it isn't available, it isn't. How much does your school know about your situation? Have they given you any specifics on what "accommodations" means to them?
That right there is a big obstacle!
ADHD....... My T has it. I haven't been officially diagnosed with it but he says I, at the very least, have "ADHDish tendencies". But, in my experience, just dealing with all the PTSD/family related stuff you've got going on in the background can make it pretty hard to concentrate too. There have been a lot of days lately when it's felt like I'd be better off if I'd never started therapy and stirred all this up. That's not actually true, but it feels that way.
I can see where it would be hard for the people around you, who've never experienced what you're experiencing, to not totally get it. And there ARE no easy answers, so it's tempting to just say dumb stuff like "think positive!" (I used to respond to that with "I'm positive I can't do it!" LOL I don't recommend that. It never worked well for me.) I hated school too. Thought of it as "serving my time". But, lucky for me, I love to learn and still do, in spite of "them".
So, I've bee trying to think of what helped me that might help you. When I was about your age, I read in a book that the job of every human being is to chose a teacher and find a friend. And that turns out to be good advice. Not easy to do, but well worth the effort. (I didn't find a friend until much later.) But I did find a couple people who were willing and able to be mentors. Very valuable! And I found a thing or 2 I could be passionate about. Didn't have anything to do with school. Stuff that meant something to ME that I could apply myself to 1000% when I wanted, the way I wanted, with no need for judgement. (I did and still do, have a tendency to be pretty critical of my own efforts. Avoid that as best you can at least with one thing.)
You're smart. You DO have a future ahead of you, even though it doesn't feel that way. (That's a symptom, not reality.) Don't burn any bridges you might someday want to use.
Here, homeschooling is an option and they have programs for people with "alternative learning styles". Some of that might help you, but if it isn't available, it isn't. How much does your school know about your situation? Have they given you any specifics on what "accommodations" means to them?
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Deleted member 27340
I have no idea.
I tend to say "I'm being REALISTIC not pessimistic" or "that would be naive" when people say dumb things like that. Just like when someone asks how I am and I know the answer won't make any sense to them (or me, for that matter) and just reply with "I'm alive".
Wish I could do that. I just feel like whatever I do I never do it more than 50% or 60% at best, because my mind is in about a zillion other places at the same time. And I'm pretty critical of everything I do, hah.
Currently I'm not in school at all, but my previous schools have known about my situation. My T's have usually had at least one meeting with the school to inform them. And my caseworker at the CPS and my foster parents also communicated with the school. Nope no specifics on what they consider possible accommodation, but what I had in 10th grade was the allowance to take a 5-minute break whenever I needed it, extended time on exams and mid-terms (one hour extra) and whenever we had tests the teacher would pay additional attention to me and come over if I seemed to zone out and try to get me back on track. I also didn't have to do the same homework as everybody else as long as I could show that I actually knew the material, so basically I didn't really ever do homework because the curriculum was really easy. I think they also let a lot of my times breaking the rules pass without giving me a mark, for instance if they found me laying on top of the lockers or building something with desks or climbing where you shouldn't climb or drawing on stuff etc... I usually had about 14-18 marks each term, so 30-40 each year, but if it hadn't been me and they hadn't let it slip I'm pretty sure I would've made it to 50+ each term. I know it's common to be allowed to get tests oral instead of written in high school, so I'd be allowed to do that if I wanted to. Could probably also get an arrangement where I have no homework, but have some extra tutoring instead or something like that if I asked for it.
Neverthesame
Diamond Member
I am going to tell you a few things I have learned over the years. I'm not going to tell you what to do, because I can't. I wish I could though.
Having worked in both an educated field as well as non educated. Here's the things I have consistently seen and heard from the people I have worked with.
Dropping out is a huge mistake. Sorry, but that's just the fact of it. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE I have met that has dropped out of highschool, has regretted the decision. Seriously everyone. Not exaggerating. Every single one.
They didn't regret it at 15-19 they regretted it when they started to see their friends get better jobs than they can. They regret it when they move out on their own, having to support themselves, realizing that life is exhausting and expensive. The plan they had of taking a few years to sort themselves out, then go back. Falls flat.
Either they have 2-3 jobs just to pay the bills, or they have kids, car payments, you name it. Being a full time student, while working 50-60 hours a week, between two or more shitty jobs. Nope. Isn't doable.
They either get fired for sleeping on the job, or fail for sleeping through class. And believe me when I tell you that the older you get, the less of your shit people will put up with. Missing work because of class, nope, fired. There are lots people out there who can fill your job. Without needing any specialised education. You have no edge on the job market. You are going to be disposable to every company you work for. Sorry to say that, but it's true.
Management at these kinds of jobs, don't care about you, how hard you work, how long you will tolerate their shit. Nope, doesn't matter. Most of the time it's actually more cost effective to fire long time employees. Because they have climbed up the little wage ladder. With an almost unlimited supply of cheap labour waiting for an opening. They can and will replace you, as soon as it's convenient for them. It sucks, but it's what it is.
Please, please, please don't drop out. Do whatever you have to do to make it through. But make it through. It's so important. Don't fall into this trap. You will regret it.
You're so young, and it's so hard to look ahead, especially with obstacles like ADHD and PTSD. But life is so short and so unforgiving of mistakes like this. I'm honestly begging you to reconsider.
So many talented and intelligent people who I have met over the years, that would love to be engineers, doctors, lawyers. People that are absolutely smart enough to excel in those fields. Never will. The best they can hope for is to work some crappy job for low pay and zero respect.
Again not exaggerating, every single one of them I have met, all told me the same thing. That they wish they had stayed in school.
Please just think about it ok? You deserve better than a mop and bucket, or having to finish every business communication with "do you want fries with that?"
Please don't sell yourself short.
Having worked in both an educated field as well as non educated. Here's the things I have consistently seen and heard from the people I have worked with.
Dropping out is a huge mistake. Sorry, but that's just the fact of it. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE I have met that has dropped out of highschool, has regretted the decision. Seriously everyone. Not exaggerating. Every single one.
They didn't regret it at 15-19 they regretted it when they started to see their friends get better jobs than they can. They regret it when they move out on their own, having to support themselves, realizing that life is exhausting and expensive. The plan they had of taking a few years to sort themselves out, then go back. Falls flat.
Either they have 2-3 jobs just to pay the bills, or they have kids, car payments, you name it. Being a full time student, while working 50-60 hours a week, between two or more shitty jobs. Nope. Isn't doable.
They either get fired for sleeping on the job, or fail for sleeping through class. And believe me when I tell you that the older you get, the less of your shit people will put up with. Missing work because of class, nope, fired. There are lots people out there who can fill your job. Without needing any specialised education. You have no edge on the job market. You are going to be disposable to every company you work for. Sorry to say that, but it's true.
Management at these kinds of jobs, don't care about you, how hard you work, how long you will tolerate their shit. Nope, doesn't matter. Most of the time it's actually more cost effective to fire long time employees. Because they have climbed up the little wage ladder. With an almost unlimited supply of cheap labour waiting for an opening. They can and will replace you, as soon as it's convenient for them. It sucks, but it's what it is.
Please, please, please don't drop out. Do whatever you have to do to make it through. But make it through. It's so important. Don't fall into this trap. You will regret it.
You're so young, and it's so hard to look ahead, especially with obstacles like ADHD and PTSD. But life is so short and so unforgiving of mistakes like this. I'm honestly begging you to reconsider.
So many talented and intelligent people who I have met over the years, that would love to be engineers, doctors, lawyers. People that are absolutely smart enough to excel in those fields. Never will. The best they can hope for is to work some crappy job for low pay and zero respect.
Again not exaggerating, every single one of them I have met, all told me the same thing. That they wish they had stayed in school.
Please just think about it ok? You deserve better than a mop and bucket, or having to finish every business communication with "do you want fries with that?"
Please don't sell yourself short.
scout86
VIP Member
I can relate to that a lot. Especially the part about being critical. I loved to draw. Had an art teacher once criticize my drawing of some pine trees in winter because they weren't "violently struggling against the snow." I quit. Never drew for pleasure again. I'm trying to get myself to do it again now. I had to find things that were hard to pass judgement on, that I could pursue privately, for the pure joy of it. I had my horse and he got me through, pretty much.
One feature of ADHD that doesn't get talked about as much is that, for some people (and I appear to be one) you can get so absorbed in something that you lose track of everything else. (Like deadlines and appointments. :(). If you can find something that engages you like that, it gives you a "place" to "go" at least for a little while that seems ok.
I've noticed that you're pretty critical of yourself. I wish you could find a way to stop that! You really don't seem like you deserve it.
I have to agree that dropping out completely has some big problems. Although I totally get what it's like to hate it while you're there too. I was lucky, my curiosity and love of learning survived the attempts of the system to drill it out of me. We all have our own learning styles. I really didn't figure mine out until after I was out of school. And, it would only have created more problems if I'd been more aware of it when I was IN school, because school systems tend to be a "one size fits all" kind of deal.
What about if YOU told THEM what accommodations it would take to make things work for you? Have you got some ideas? What do you see the problems as being? (It's NOT that you're stupid!) Is it stuff related to therapy that distracts you? Just stuff in general? Would it help to spend more time in therapy, during the school term, focusing on "how to function in the world now" and leave the more direct trauma related stuff (the hard stuff) for times when you're not expected to show up and focus on stuff like school? Is that even possible?
I just looked back and saw that you had a deadline. What did you come up with for choices? 13 options? Wow!
Neverthesame
Diamond Member
Me too. Good lord I hated school, every damn minute of it. From the first day to the last.
But you know, I wish I gone further with it.
@TyraaryT I want you to know that I am not coming from a place of holier than thou judgement, or if I could do it you can too. No.
You have some big obstacles I didn't have to face. I don't have ADHD, nor did I have PTSD at that time in my life. I know you are having it harder than I did.
I just want to hopefully encourage you to do what you have to in order to help you succeed in your life.
Hope I didn't come across an ass, it's just so hard to see someone in your situation and not try to help them see the life long ramifications of the decision they are making.
Whatever you end up doing. I wish you the best of luck. :)
Edit: Minor speeling & Gramamar errors.
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Sammyiam
Platinum Member
I am nearly 50 years old and I left school at 15.
To get out of my horrible situation and become independent.
I live every day with regret.
Don't do what I did.
Please.
To get out of my horrible situation and become independent.
I live every day with regret.
Don't do what I did.
Please.
The Albatross
VIP Member
I apparently did have both ADD/ADHD and PTSD and my high school assisted me (parents could have cared less) in being able go graduate with a diploma a year early cuz even they realized my situation at home was dire and I might not make to or through senior year. I am eternally grateful.
What Neverthesame said. Even with a diploma... and some college... I'm living proof of the difficulties and what she shared.
What Neverthesame said. Even with a diploma... and some college... I'm living proof of the difficulties and what she shared.
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