So What To Do About Co-dependency

[Eleanor]

And I am wondering if it makes a difference that I mention HE is the one that triggered those moments of screaming and he is aware he did, but left anyway? Or does that not make a difference and walking away is the healthiest thing still?

On purpose? Is he triggering you on purpose? If so, I take it back, he's not a putz. He's a complete and total a*****e. But yes, it may well be that walking away might be the best thing to do *in either case* although for the wrong reason if he's doing it on purpose. If his thing is control - run, don't walk, away from that house.

Here is the thing - My daughter and I trigger my H all the time. Her AGE triggers him. If I am upset about ANYTHING it triggers him. My tone of voice triggers him. When she gets angry or rejects him it triggers him. I could go on and on. These are totally normal, everyday things, we cannot avoid them. His reaction is his problem and his responsibility. The fact that his reaction is big anger means that the best thing we can do is get out of the situation ASAP. Leave if we can. (leaving is ALSO a trigger for him, however so it has to be done carefully or he will be out of commission for a couple of days.) Of course, I get angry with HIM for all this chaos. But it is not really at him, he doesn't choose his behavior at these times, and it is no fun at all for him. I am learning how to move through that anger without directing it at him. It is a really really difficult thing to do.

Brat is right. No one is really ever in control of another person. If we try to be, it is only because we are out of control of ourselves. And when we *think* we have control of another we can be certain we've gotten ourselves into a very very unhealthy relationship.

What are the prospects for a new place to live? When does your semester end?

 

[Meadowsweet]

If you are sharing a house, I'm guessing you have your own room?

If so, he has no rights to enter your space.You might bump into him in shared rooms. But especially when you're feeling on edge or sensitive to being triggered, you can hopefully avoid him.

But from your original post, you said that you ask him to work with you. I can understand you wanting that support. But if he seems co-dependent, then just asking him to work with you gives him that power over you.

This is something that you can begin to take control over, by not wanting anything from him.

 

[EloiseLandau]

Thanks everyone.

My semester ends near the end of May.

I guess my thought was I didn't need him to stop saying certain triggering things forever, but just long enough so I can come down and get a small handle on those issues. Even a small reprieve would help so I can cope better.