For those that need further information on somatics here is a primer. For those of you who suffer from chronic pain or physical issues that there is seemingly no physical cause for this may be of interest to you.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000955.htm
My form of somatization is quite severe. Not to say that others are not so please forgive me if it seems I am minimizing others experiences. I do not feel pain through my somatic events but instead catatonic (coma like state).
I had an experience a few nights ago where I did not go catatonic but instead felt and incredible emotional need to die. It was the first time that I had actually felt this need and pretty close to the first day EVER in the past 6 years that I have not gone catatonic. I got to thinking after the posting that this 'need to die' not 'want to die' - may well be at the root of the physical 'mini deaths' that I experience every day but that it was not a day that I went through the physical process of dropping but instead felt the feelings that would have led to this behaviour.
I experienced having parents that wanted me dead. from womb (where my twin was killed) to the age of 2 years old when I was adopted, they passively and aggressively attempted to rid them of me in various ways. Foster homes, starving, leaving alone for extended periods of time etc. The interesting thing that my T-doc and I spoke about was that, as an infant and child (developmental years), we learn to adapt to what our parents want us to be. If they want us to be invisible, we learn to be so. If they want us not to speak we learn not to speak. If they want us dead, we learn to be dead. Thus the catatonia. I am not certain if this resonates with anyone but it sure has helped me.
As we spoke about the night I did not go catatonic a couple of days ago, He spoke about how I was going through a desomatization period. He detailed that as unwinding in the following way.
Somatization is a physical manifestation of an emotional event that we feel unsafe to express or are repressing for some reason that we have learned.
The desomatization process involves evolving from physical manifestation to an honest emotional expression the is the prelude to the somatic event (in my case a feeling of 'needing to die' rather than physically representing that need by going catatonic.
Next and final state of the desomatization process is cognition and processing of the emotions expressed that led to the physical and emotional components.
I hope this helps someone, somewhere when it comes to trying to unwind chronic pain or disturbing physical issues that may be hiding emotional issues that come with PTSD.
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000955.htm
My form of somatization is quite severe. Not to say that others are not so please forgive me if it seems I am minimizing others experiences. I do not feel pain through my somatic events but instead catatonic (coma like state).
I had an experience a few nights ago where I did not go catatonic but instead felt and incredible emotional need to die. It was the first time that I had actually felt this need and pretty close to the first day EVER in the past 6 years that I have not gone catatonic. I got to thinking after the posting that this 'need to die' not 'want to die' - may well be at the root of the physical 'mini deaths' that I experience every day but that it was not a day that I went through the physical process of dropping but instead felt the feelings that would have led to this behaviour.
I experienced having parents that wanted me dead. from womb (where my twin was killed) to the age of 2 years old when I was adopted, they passively and aggressively attempted to rid them of me in various ways. Foster homes, starving, leaving alone for extended periods of time etc. The interesting thing that my T-doc and I spoke about was that, as an infant and child (developmental years), we learn to adapt to what our parents want us to be. If they want us to be invisible, we learn to be so. If they want us not to speak we learn not to speak. If they want us dead, we learn to be dead. Thus the catatonia. I am not certain if this resonates with anyone but it sure has helped me.
As we spoke about the night I did not go catatonic a couple of days ago, He spoke about how I was going through a desomatization period. He detailed that as unwinding in the following way.
Somatization is a physical manifestation of an emotional event that we feel unsafe to express or are repressing for some reason that we have learned.
The desomatization process involves evolving from physical manifestation to an honest emotional expression the is the prelude to the somatic event (in my case a feeling of 'needing to die' rather than physically representing that need by going catatonic.
Next and final state of the desomatization process is cognition and processing of the emotions expressed that led to the physical and emotional components.
I hope this helps someone, somewhere when it comes to trying to unwind chronic pain or disturbing physical issues that may be hiding emotional issues that come with PTSD.
