Sexual Assault Some seem to think i'm bragging about sexual harassment/assault + feeling i'm really on my own

[LanaD]

Hi all,

I'll be chatting with some people, friends or acquaintances, and the topic turns to safety. Yesterday we went from talking about nukes to street safety, and someone asked me about my experience and if I'm scared of anything. I said I'm not scared of nukes but I am constantly afraid when out in my city. Eventually I had to explain why, and part of me thought it wise not to get into sexual stuff but part of me wanted to raise awareness of the issue, so I said that street harassment is something I experience a lot, and given previous incidents I feel my fears aren't unfounded.

So one woman says, "Well, that never happens to me." She might as well have been talking about seeing Brad Pitt in the street. Maybe it's in my head but it's happened several times that I get the feeling people think I'm bragging, as if what I'm saying is, "I'm so pretty that men just can't help themselves." I don't go around talking about this all over the place, but when it seems appropriate (or maybe when I'm desperate to feel protected? connected? I do). One guy interjected and said he has a friend who has similar experiences, but everyone else's reactions left me feeling so alone and hurt at the realization that those people didn't believe me. They continued asking me questions as if to try to debunk my statements, and it felt like a hole had opened up in my chest.

But here's a funny thing: one woman in the group yesterday did tell me in the past that every once in a while men grope her but that she brushes it off as "cultural differences". Yesterday she remained silent. WTF!

Sometimes I think people's/society's reactions are slightly worse than the assault I suffered and the harassment I regularly experience.

I woke up feeling rather deflated. I feel I've barely any connection to society right now.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm really questioning these people and their assumptions that you should be afraid of nukes but not the people here/now in your city.

Uhm, there has been INFINITELY more human on human damage vs nuke on human damage.

They need to get a clue.

 

[Kintsugi]

I have gotten the response many, many, many times that I should be flattered or "learn how to take a compliment" because I receive so much "attention" when I'm just trying to do the most mundane things in life--grocery shop, wash my car, pump gas, order food. This attitude epitomizes the dangerous misconception that victimization has something to do with lust, sex, etc. rather than violence and power. It is ludicrous to call wolf whistles and lewd comments compliments, and groping/nonconsensual touching isn't a joke; it's assault.

I sympathize with you. Check out the #nowomanever campaign for support: Women Use #NoWomanEver Hashtag to Slam Street Harassment

 

[LanaD]

Thanks, guys.

Sometimes I think of that movie, "Precious," and I think there are a lot of people out there like that screwed up mother. For those who haven't seen the movie, I have to spoil it for you so you can understand: a man rapes and impregnates his own teenage daughter, whose mother becomes angry at her for "stealing her man." The woman in the group the other day made me think of that movie.

I can even deal with the whistling but it's the lewd comments that really bother me because they're aggressive. And where I live there are pretty much 2 main groups of men: the aggressive ones who call women "whores" and stare us down with zero respect, and those who wouldn't help you if you were being raped in the town square. And the situation is getting worse. I'm actually going away to a safer country for a while coz I can't take this shit anymore.

Thanks for the hashtag! I'm looking it up and finding too many posts :/