Someone Called Me "i Am Good For Nothing And Of No Use"!!!

[J_trustno1]

@Nicolette : I didn't mean to start a debate on this topic and I am not trying to throw my opinions down other people's throat. I hope I haven't attacked anyone. Peace out!

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have a skill for which many Indian women seek out. I am not kidding or exaggerating, I am outraged. They have settled in America and want to fit in. Genetically the women of Indian ancestry have dark superfluous hair on their entire body. They would like to have it removed but are bound by strict religious mores not to cut their hair. This terrifies them. I am not allowed to contact them, they live in secrecy of this. It must be awful to have to keep secrets. So much suffering. They are all lovely people devoted to their family and work hard, yet they have no autonomy. Back in the 70's the American women revolted against a society that did not value them. The movement did not require that 100% of the women be involved in the movement yet the laws protecting women's rights benefit all. We are still without the ERA, but at least some crimes against women are taken seriously. Perhaps the rhetoric voiced here is common among women from India hoping for a better future.

 

[Tanishq]

Why can't Indians have nice things to say?

See my country flag. I think I have told you good words and trying to help you. Still here, talking with you. :)

That's the nature of negativity. To provoke you with anger and then lull you to hatred so you suffer more. Now I can't say more as I don't know more about you.

Important thing, no one knows how love works. You will have to go for it, choose it and flow with it. This all will be new to you as you have never been on this path. Things will change if you choose to go with love, this I can assure you.

Good luck!

 

[J_trustno1]

@KwanYingirl : you are very right! They are very suppressed by their culture and their "superior" husbands or father or brother until not married. You are very right about some not wanting to remove their hair etc. I was not allowed to cut my hair (i.e. head hair) and I had to get permission from my father when i was 14! I was bullied at school for my long hair plus it was difficult to look after very long hair. I ended up cutting them. Anyway, apart from the hair topic, women are very dependent on their husband or his family for their own life's decisions which is just not fair. Before marriage, their decisions are made by their so called father. I feels as if we are living in BC era.

 

[Dana1010]

@J_trustno1, please don't think I am blaming you. As far as I'm concerned, this forum is your space to vent and express whatever you are thinking - more power to you. I struggle with self hatred everyday and there are many things I wish I could change about myself. I hate my parents and feel like since I came from those losers, I must be a loser too.

But try to understand that just because your family was terrible, it doesn't mean all Indians are. I know from experience, they can be stuck-up and judgmental, but I've also met some truly inspirational, good people from that race. There is one I will always remember as someone who showed me kindness and talked me out of a rut when not many people wanted to be my friend. I can tell you are a good person with a strong sense of right and wrong, and good people from all races belong in a class by themselves.

Bless you.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Dana1010 : I used to love being an Indian till I was 12 - 14 yrs of age. I had pride in my own culture until I started seeing the type of horrid people my mum's relatives and my father was. The more they tortured me the more hate i started grow for them and the entire culture. I worked at the restaurant i was forced to work by mum's brother, they had chefs coming from India, who were perverted and would always be looking for girls even when they are 14. One of them nearly got caught by the police when he tried getting a 14 yr old school girls number and asking about where she lived. Other chefs would talk about how they will want to sleep with an 18 yr old even when they were married with daughters of that age. They were very perverted people. On top of that my mum's brother was not any less. The more I worked with that kind of sick people, the more I kinda had skewed views of Indians. The hate came from the kind of mentality they had.

One of the chefs had an affair with another woman, while he would beat his wife every night. He didn't stop reproducing with his wife till he had a son. So he had 3 girls before finally having a son. He even beat his wife when she was pregnant with his son which ended up breaking her ciserain stitches because they a daughter 9 months ago with a c-section. The wife used to be all bruised and they lived on the basement of my grandparents house. Instead of helping the poor women, my grandfather said it's their homes matter, that used to piss me off, i was only 14 yrs old then. I wanted to call the police on that guy but then I was controlled by my so called family BECAUSE you don't interfere in other people's matters. I was dead pissed off that night when i saw those bruises on that poor woman and i couldn't do anything for her! That's what that culture was! Secondly her husband was an alcoholic like my mum's asshole brother. That guy worked for my mum's brother and if i had called the police on his chef then there would've been consequences for me. See how it works in there? You have NO RIGHT to speak up for something which is WRONG! That's what i hated about being in that culture because my voice has NEVER been heard. They are all blinded by their sick minds.

 

[Dana1010]

@J_trustno1, I am so sorry, those are some very difficult things to live with. I expect such things from Islam, but did not know Indian culture was so sexist. I think it might be healthy for you to separate from them and find your way among more modern people where you would fit in.

 

[Tanishq]

Jess, I hope you don't get upset if I say something.

I think constant swearing at those bad people can lower down your vibration. Just tell that they are bad. Let's guess, this can help you to cut down that unwanted anger?

The sooner you start working on this, the better it will be for you. You will have to cut down the roots of anger. If you don't cut them, then it will take another shape and will keep coming out.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Dana1010 : Thanks and :hug:s for understanding me. You know whenever I tried presenting my views about how wrong their thinking was they would say that i am only talking crap and I will have to live with a husband like that. Such comments made me wanting to cut ties off from my own culture because their thinking has just very cheap. I have met couple of good Indian people but for some reason I don't trust them all maybe because of the kind of experiences i have lived with. I didn't mean to puke hate here for my culture but I am having difficult time trying to wash off that crap from the last 14 yrs of abuse.

 

[Dana1010]

@Tanishq, could you please tell me how you go about cutting down the roots of anger? I would like to get a decent night's sleep for a change.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Tanishq : thanks. I think I dwell so much on my thoughts to the point I am left with anger and frustration and then finally crying. I have limited my access to my mum's family and told her that i am not meeting them ever again and too bad if they hate me for that because I can't keep going back into my past. I am going to discuss this with my T again on Friday about my triggers because Men like that neighbor and especially coming from that culture are double triggers for me. That's why i gotta find strategies to not let that get me. I am starting to stand up to the bullies i meet but still not over these two triggers. So i will ask my T about those strategies.

 

[Tanishq]

@Dana1010 Ok. I will try my best to explain.

Last 3 years I have not been able to write. Hand-writing on paper. I used to give up too easily and too quickly. It used to remind me bad childhood memories related with school and also that frustrated me very much.

So yesterday I sat to figure this out. Give it a go. I saw I used to think I will get tired too quickly if I try to write down anything on paper. My hand writing has gone bad, it will take lot of time to make them beautiful again. I saw this all negative thoughts, but I didn't react to any of them. I just took my personal diary and started writing. I did felt tired after writing 1 whole page. Right now, I am looking forward to write again.

Anger was gone. I also didn't experience flashbacks either. So I target by looking for what irritates me, provokes me anger and then analyze my mind. When I find this negative thoughts, I try to replace them with something positive or not to react them. I don't think it is necessary to have a positive thought. Sometimes let go can be powerful.

Reaction is fuel to anger. Responding may cut it down.

So thoughts and actions can help you in this.

Does this help you?