Relationship Someone Help Me Know What To

[courtney09]

My boyfriend came back from Afghanistan two months ago. While he was there he disconnected with everyone and said he didn't really have any friends over there. He went through a lot emotionally and would call me everyday and say I was the only happiness he found there.

When he got home he was fine the first two days, then it went down hill. I saw him start pulling away from me, and I began to feel unloved. This made me insecure and we would fight about little things a lot. Over the past two months hex gone further into himself, sometimes I ask him questions and he just states at me until I repeat them three times. Unless he is out drinking with friends he doesn't smile or laugh, especially around me. He blames me for anxiety and unhappiness he feels, and the man that used to want to see me everyday would rather go out drinking two to three times a week.

He then moved into an apt of his own that we were going to be in together once my own lease was up, he said his own space he could control would help. It hasn't. He's completely pushed me away and now has broken up with me saying he doesn't love me anymore and that I'm holding on to something that's gone. While doing this he showed no emotion, it's like he's unattached from himself. Now he has unfriended me on social media, won't answer my calls or texts, and generally cannot stand to be around me. I've encouraged counseling every chance I get.

We dated for 2 and a half years, is this PTSD? If so how can I help him? Will he ever love me again? -heartbroken in Ohio

 

[Changing4Best]

My opinion is that this is probably the end of your relationship with him. It does not look good. It could be PTSD, but only a professional can determine that. For the time, I would advise backing off from him and giving him some time alone. Let him gather his thoughts and get his life back together. Right now he needs to work on that without the interference of your pushing him to make decisions that are too hard for him to make at this time when his heart and soul are very possibly shattered by the war.

Only he can decide if he wants therapy. He has to face all that has happened to him and what is happening to him now and decide if he feels the need. No one can make that decision for him.

I know that the above is hard for you to accept and I understand that. However, you don't want to be banging your head against a brick wall and giving yourself a headache and even possibly causing him to do something that you both would regret, should you continue to push him. I suggest you let him be.

 

[Fated Shadow]

While I am not a vet myself I have experienced events that has lead to me having PTSD, I also have a father who has PTSD from serving in the USAF for 22 years and spending most of his time being the best of the best the air force and military in general has to offer. Dealing with PTSD is hard. It is even harder to admit that it is a problem even if you are diagnosed with it. All people with PTSD want is to feel normal which can never happen. In some ways he is right when he says that person he was is gone. He will never be the same as he was before and that is something that not only you have to accept but he does himself. Sometimes you just have to let go because asking him whats wrong all the time will almost always get the same response. Don't think of him pushing you away as a response that you caused. Military vets are known to end up with a drinking problem if they do not manage PTSD right it seems like a good way out even if it is temporary. We each handle problems our own way and the reason he might not want to talk about whats wrong is because if he does have PTSD he has it for a reason because of something he has experienced that you could never understand unless you were there because there is a extremely big difference in seeing something traumatic in person and hearing or seeing it on the news. It breaks you in ways that can never be explained. You need for now to just let him be and let him find himself because as long as you keep pushing him he will only try to go deeper into himself which will only make things worse. Don't take it personally to heart because it is not you it is him and not by his choice completely.