Someone Help

[Caseys2012]

I have a question but dont know where to start. I have a fiance' with ptsd from the war. He has night mares and i have to be careful on how close i sleep to him. If he has a nightmare from the war then he could mistaken me as one and he kicks or jumps u punching. So im assuming he has it bad. But my main question and i hope there are veterans here that can help. Is about our relationship. He says because of ptsd he doesnt feel or have the same feelings that as he says a normal person like myself would have feelings or emmotions. But he says he cares for me and shows how he feels about me in a different way than the way i would. His story always changes, when we first met he said he loved me. Then it changed for whatever reason. That he didnt know how he felt about me. Then he would say that words are words and that saying he loves me is only words and their nothing that showing it means more than words. Im really confused. Can you fake ptsd and use it as an exscuse for everything.

 

[mary1979]

I sincerely doubt he is taking this.

Saying as gently as I can, you seem to have some insecurities of your own? Understandable given his unpredictable and ever changing behaviour.

That pattern is pretty common among sufferers, and while my own trauma was not combat related I can still relate to his constant changing.

Its difficult for us (sufferers) to understand and define our emotions. Id say even harder for a guy, they aren't particularly emotionally driven beings like us women and tend to prefer logic.
Unfortunately there's not a great deal of logic in ptsd.

That he is still there with you, and trying to communicate at all says a great deal about his feelings and commitment to you, so take some comfort in that.

Talk when he wants to talk, back off when he displays withdrawal signs, and encourage him to seek support outside of your relationship.

Good luck

 

[Friday]

Can you fake PTSD? Yes.
Can you use it for an excuse for everything? Absolutely.
Does he sound like he is faking it? No.
Does the hot & cold emotional thing sound like he's making excuses? No. The opposite.

Emotional distance & numbing & disassociation are actually symptoms of PTSD.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug:s Caseys2012 - I agree with others, what you describe is not likely someone who is faking PTSD. It is also not an excuse, but it is an explaination. It seems like it's hard for him to connect to feelings of love, and that can happen after trauma.

How long have you been together? Is he in any kind of treatment?

The experience of someone you are engaged to marry now saying love is just a word has to be very confusing.

 

[Thematrix]

Do not get married to this person until you understand PTSD and whether or not you are willing to accept he has PTSD and trust him when he tells you something

I am really not trying to be rude

Is he diagnosed? Have you yourself spoken to professionals about this?

I don't see how you could be a support if you don't trust he even has PTSD and getting married?

I am trying to help

 

[EveHarrington]

I agree with others-----I don't personally believe he's faking it.

Some do, but based on the nightmare aspect if say that is very much in the realm of PTSD.

PTSD oftentimes involves emotional numbing. I sometimes have to switch over to "thinking" my feelings because I cannot feel them.

 

[Fadeaway]

I have non-combat PTSD and I am NOT a vet. That said, the sleeping arrangement between my husband and I are similar to yours. He knows never to touch me in the middle of the night.

People with PTSD can often struggle with understanding their own emotions. He isn't changing his story, he His feelings may be changing, or th he may be confused by what he is feeling, he may even be struggling with conflicting emotions. Emotions are complicated.

You also need to look into the 5 Love Languages. People show love in different ways and what makes one personal feel loved may make another person feel disrespected.

If your love language is quality time, then a person with PTSD is probably not a good match for you.

 

[sun seeker]

an you fake ptsd

The simple answer is no, you cannot fake PTSD.

Can you use it as an excuse if you have it? You bet, but that's because of personality, not because of PTSD. Is that what he's doing? It doesn't sound like it, but I guess it comes down to asking yourself whether you trust him or not. I personally would not stay in a relationship with that little trust. I would question what your motivation is for staying if you are wondering if he is faking?

 

[sun seeker]

Can you fake PTSD? Yes.

Really? That sounds like an awful lot of work. I can't imagine why someone would do that. It tires me out just thinking about it. :sleep: