Someone tell me i'm pretty

[Freida]

A long time ago a T told me "Every time you walk by a reflective surface -- mirror, stainless steel, etc -- look at your face and smile. Then walk away. Don't think about it, don't try to dissect it or analyze it. Just look, smile, walk. Even (especially) if you don't want to."

She said its a brain re-wiring thing that would eventually trick my brain into associating mirrors with my smiling face. It was a way to build up confidence without actually working at building confidence. I felt like an idiot at first but it really did seem to help.

 

[mamachick]

I use to dress nicely, wear a little healed shoe, do my hair and make up nice. Now I mostly wear sweats, orthopedic type shoes, and hair in a pony tail and little if any make up. I also was underweight (90 lbs) and gained 40 lbs. I don't care if I gain another 40-I can get bigger sweats. I wear big oversized sweat shirts anyway. I don't want any attention based on physical appearances.

 

[Deleted member 42783]

There have been several posts since I was here last. Thank you for joining in and sorry if I don't address you directly

I framed a couple childhood pictures and put them out where I could see them everyday. I spent a few minutes everyday just getting in touch with that child and challenging those beliefs

I really like this idea. Maybe I can find a photo of me pre-crap years.

a T told me "Every time you walk by a reflective surface -- mirror, stainless steel, etc -- look at your face and smile. Then walk away.

I can't stand looking at myself in any reflective surface that I may randomly walk by. HATE IT! I may have to work my way up to this one.
I also have watched my weight go up and down and I freak out everytime I lose. Don't get me wrong, I'm miserable when I gain but it's less scary.

Please (if you desire) explain the "rape-able" as you understand it.

See, I have known an 70 year old woman that was raped for example (as well as myself&others)..so my heart beats fast and I am trying to hear you. Rape is a form of violence and power

I understand what you are saying here. I do. I know that victims of rape come in all stripes. The thing is, the man who raped me wouldn't have done it unless he had been attracted to me first. Were there other factors involved, definitely but the attraction to me is what caused him to hone in on me.

Rape-able is a distasteful term. That is why it's horrifying to me that that's the conclusion I came to.

 

[Sideways]

Liking my appearance seems to be a whole lotta work for very little gain. My self-acceptance isn't going to benefit much. It's superficial, and if I nailed good looks, I'd just go on hating myself underneath it all.

It's also transient. My self-acceptance needs to survive well past my good-looks use-by date.

I had a T who confronted me about the way I dressed down as a self-defence, isolating mechanism. He pointed out that by consciously dressing down, I'm not just telling other people about myself, I'm telling myself a narrative: hide ugly duckling.

I think there's a happy medium. That same T was very big on physical health as an intrinsic part of good mental health. And so we worked on slowly building that up, and doing it for me. For the whole me. Our bodies can do some amazing things for us, they can be amazing. But only if we look after them. So I worked on making my body my ally, rather than my enemy. Building up exercise, improving my diet, and noticing how my body felt better, and worked better.

It had nothing to do with appearance, but my confidence in my appearance has definitely benefited. I take care of my body, because I'm teaching myself that my body is my ally. It's an amazing thing, and it can help me with my recovery if I look after it.

If I'd just been working on "Am I physically attractive?" all that time? Maybe I would have persuaded myself. I doubt it. I'd probably still just hate me and my appearance as much as I did before. Instead, I'm working up a good deal of self-acceptance, and confidence not just ij my appearance, but also in the whole me.

 

[Deleted member 42783]

If I'd just been working on "Am I physically attractive?" all that time? Maybe I would have persuaded myself. I doubt it. I'd probably still just hate me and my appearance as much as I did before.

I agree. I don't think I could persuade myself long term. It would never stick. I guess I'm not really questioning whether I'm attractive or not. I think the message I received was that I'm not. . . .and I must have taken that and ran with it for twenty years.

 

[mamachick]

Rag doll I think thats the key (the whole me). Another aspect of the whole though is often not on our "being" but on "what we do" and how we define that, being a great mom, a successful career, what we are good at, etc. Much of which can be taken away in a new york second. It can be contingent on others opinions/treatment and influences from society.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

You know what's crazy I was never raped but Its been a challenge liking looking at myself in the mirror too so I can relate on that. (It's one of the main reasons I dislike getting haircuts.)
I believe I saw your picture you had before if you changed it and you looked attractive enough for me to randomly click on it to see your face so lol as weird as that sounds hope it helps. :)

Also this will be random but I read online few years ago that sleeping naked boosts self esteem I usually wake up feeling a lot better about myself than before. Plus I always look leaner in the morning lol.

 

[Deleted member 42783]

@Ragdoll Circus
You mentioned making your body your ally. I think I have spent decades at war with my body. It has and still does cause me so much pain. When I looked good it got me in trouble. When I was pregnant, it tried to kill me. My thyroid is useless. I'm constantly in pain. When I try to workout I get one lung problem after another. I feel like every time I make efforts to improve myself it fights me.

We have never been close friends.

 

[Deleted member 42783]

@Dr.Knowbuddy I am very interested in knowing how you wake up leaner but I'm scared of the answer. Lol.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

@Dr.Knowbuddy I am very interested in knowing how you wake up leaner but I'm scared of the answer. Lol.

Hahah, well in the morning its like waking up after a 5-8 hour fast so our stomachs aren't as bloated as they are through out the day after we eat meals. So it's said the best time to weigh yourself is in the morning before you eat.

 

[Rani G2]

Hey valkeasisu,

you might have been conditioned to see beauty for part of the journey. Was it from advertising, commercials, culture, model envy or an accumulation of impossible standards without surgery, touch ups, and/ or products? I found that for me, taking an strong look at my formed or conditioned standards of beauty assisted with a baseline to buil

These words are true, doing a little research and selfinvestigation can go a long way.

Its probably hard to work on selfperception if we are not aware of that inner voice and its origins, rationally we might know but capturing those painful moments where we internalized those voices is a different story. If you can somehow give that voice an identity, a name, an age. Is it childish or more grown up? When these thoughts/emotions appear do you feel them in any part of your body? This is something my T asks me once in a while.

I dont really struggle with the way I look, as I do find myself good looking (Without wanting to sound arrogant). I have still issues with selfworth though....and even though most people tell me that I am pretty I think I am worthless as I am a weak person with less dignity.


Thats just another Department.

 

[Deleted member 37868]

So my t was adamant in our last session that I have no self worth and that I need to work on self ca...

Hey there! I used to struggle with eating disorders for countless years, and I had a lot of trouble accepting my appearance, I'm healthy from ed now for 6 years? Maybe more, and I had to address this issue in myself a lot. I don't know how you look, and I don't care, I'm not saying that dismissively but because all people worth your time will not care what you look like. Now if you are telling yourself you're ugly, that's a problem, it may sound stupid but combating the negative self talk with something positive does work, feeling attractive, I'm assuming you are a female, is being totally comfortable in your skin, not to mention that it is an incredibly attractive quality to others as well. For me, not hating my body was accepting that I'm not conventionally attractive, and if you're worried about others perception of you this does work! Besides all the psychological stuff, do things that make you feel good, these are my feel good things; walking outdoors preferably hiking, having a tan but

Hehe I got cut off, I was going to say don't go tanning cause Cancer. Also wearing really comfortable clothes is a big one for me, I'm fit and healthy but f*ck me if I ever wear pants, also started only wearing makeup when I feel like it. Do YOU!