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- #193
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Deleted member 12723
Thanks Sheila. I really appreciated what you said.
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@gizmo, would it be helpful to consider what you need in what respect, and then go church-shopping, if you're ever up for it?
I mean, have in mind what you need spiritually / emotionally / physically / socially, from religion, what lines up with your relationship to God and the world, and then look if there is a community of people that would feel similar about the matters?
Or look first for the community / cultural aspects, feel-good people that also worship, first getting the people right, letting religion come into it later and in non-harmful ways?
I mean, have in mind what you need spiritually / emotionally / physically / socially, from religion, what lines up with your relationship to God and the world, and then look if there is a community of people that would feel similar about the matters?
Or look first for the community / cultural aspects, feel-good people that also worship, first getting the people right, letting religion come into it later and in non-harmful ways?
Changing4Best
VIP Member
I agree. There has got to be a good church nearby where you live. You just ran into a church that wasn't. It happens. I have a friend that had that happen to her too. She said all that church wanted was money. She was really turned off by it all.
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- #196
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helpbuddy
Hi just read your thread, understand how you feel.. I too have faced spiritual abuse and its awful effects on people. But as I've looked in the bible I cant help but think that if it is true about Jesus and love then what better way to stop our love with him than come through evil people that pretend to be his... If the bible is true then it warns about this happening...
I'm just intrigued what's really going on. Maybe who we are what we were made for is incredible... Know this may sound preachy but it really isn't hate all that too.. I have alot of questions and I've learnt its important to think for yourself. Hope no one has found this triggering but just putting it out as I feel I've had glimpses of what God is really like in people and life which ties up with word but you don't always see this through 'his' people... Alot i feel are false and don't even know a thing about what he's really like. Makes me so angry!! Don't know where's best to find him but need to be cautious. Lets get mad at the enemy behind this and see what all this is really about... Does anyone else find this intriguing for themselves outside of the church? That its a battle...
Changing4Best
VIP Member
Yes, @helpbuddy, I agree with you. I see it that Jesus is the only one of us that is perfect. The rest of us fall short of the glory of God, yet most of us try to do what we can that is good, especially when we counteract those who do evil in the name of God. Yes, there are some who do this. This is a sad thing about this world. I just try to do the best I can and hope that I can help someone in the process. I have my days too! I would bet that we all do.
CraftyCath
VIP Member
I have just found this thread and can honestly say that I understand what Spiritual Abuse is from the inside out. I have been to many churches and classed myself as as a committed Christian. My husband and I were treated well at first but we saw/heard things that we were not happy with and started to ask questions. When we further questioned we started to hear gossip about me (all untrue but very clever). We were told we had to 'submit to the leadership' or else we were being rebellious. I saw people used and abused. They were neglected while the 'popular' folk were well looked after.
We moved into a rented house with no furniture except a bed, a cot, a fridge and a twin-tub washing machine. It was freezing and damp. My son was a year old. The church gave us two scruffy old chairs from the church hall and told us they wanted them back. Meanwhile a popular couple from the church had moved into a posh house that they had bought and were given £280 by the leadership which she spent on expensive wallpaper for her child's room!
We were watched closely. Our home group became all leadership with just us, we stopped getting invited to things unless we were prepared to conform. At one church they asked people to tithe their mortgage! We were told we had been handed over to the devil for punishment, that we were backslidden and that we would be 'spiritually shipwrecked.' I felt like I would walk into the room, flip the lightswitch and say, 'why are you all sat in the dark?' They would say, 'put the light out, we don't like the brightness!'
@gizmo I spoke the truth but they could not handle it.
Eventually I could not face the pain, the injustice, the gossip, the smiling faces that so obviously hated me, the control and manipulation, the false preaching, the lack of love and care. We left.
After this we came across a book on Spiritual Abuse and it all became clear. I have never regretted my decision to leave and I know I have become a better person since I left.
It has been many years since I left. My 2 closest friends from the church abandoned me after making some horrid accusations against me which were not true. It really broke my heart at the time and took many years to heal. Now I can honestly thank them for leaving as my life has become richer since and I have better, more mature friends now.
I still have Christian friends that I love and value. I have found a balance in my life, I lost myself in religion until I had no idea who I was. Now I have found myself, I am not an atheist - I believe in God, but I consider myself to be non-religious. I am happy to let others be who they want to be and have the faith they want to have. I have traveled far and the religious path has been walked. I feel more enlightened and content.
And what about those who hurt us? I still see them, they hold a bible study next door. I still talk to them when I bump into them but I don't miss them. I feel sad for them. Their church has not grown and they have left a wake of disaster behind them, yet they seem oblivious. 'No one is blinder than he who will not see,'
My husbands family still belong to the church and they churn themselves up and worry about their 'backslidden' relatives. They pray for us to 'come back to God.' Such a shame as we never left God nor He us. I struggle when hearing 'church language' as it feels so false, it makes me feel physically sick.
I have no regrets, I will still speak the truth.
Sparkly blessings to all!
We moved into a rented house with no furniture except a bed, a cot, a fridge and a twin-tub washing machine. It was freezing and damp. My son was a year old. The church gave us two scruffy old chairs from the church hall and told us they wanted them back. Meanwhile a popular couple from the church had moved into a posh house that they had bought and were given £280 by the leadership which she spent on expensive wallpaper for her child's room!
We were watched closely. Our home group became all leadership with just us, we stopped getting invited to things unless we were prepared to conform. At one church they asked people to tithe their mortgage! We were told we had been handed over to the devil for punishment, that we were backslidden and that we would be 'spiritually shipwrecked.' I felt like I would walk into the room, flip the lightswitch and say, 'why are you all sat in the dark?' They would say, 'put the light out, we don't like the brightness!'
@gizmo I spoke the truth but they could not handle it.
Eventually I could not face the pain, the injustice, the gossip, the smiling faces that so obviously hated me, the control and manipulation, the false preaching, the lack of love and care. We left.
After this we came across a book on Spiritual Abuse and it all became clear. I have never regretted my decision to leave and I know I have become a better person since I left.
It has been many years since I left. My 2 closest friends from the church abandoned me after making some horrid accusations against me which were not true. It really broke my heart at the time and took many years to heal. Now I can honestly thank them for leaving as my life has become richer since and I have better, more mature friends now.
I still have Christian friends that I love and value. I have found a balance in my life, I lost myself in religion until I had no idea who I was. Now I have found myself, I am not an atheist - I believe in God, but I consider myself to be non-religious. I am happy to let others be who they want to be and have the faith they want to have. I have traveled far and the religious path has been walked. I feel more enlightened and content.
And what about those who hurt us? I still see them, they hold a bible study next door. I still talk to them when I bump into them but I don't miss them. I feel sad for them. Their church has not grown and they have left a wake of disaster behind them, yet they seem oblivious. 'No one is blinder than he who will not see,'
My husbands family still belong to the church and they churn themselves up and worry about their 'backslidden' relatives. They pray for us to 'come back to God.' Such a shame as we never left God nor He us. I struggle when hearing 'church language' as it feels so false, it makes me feel physically sick.
I have no regrets, I will still speak the truth.
Sparkly blessings to all!
- Post starter
- #199
D
Deleted member 12723
Thank you @CraftyCath for sharing your experience I so appreciate this one.I also believe in God and He loves me and I know it. You are far more mature about the whole thing than I was. Now that has been so many years ago and a faded memory and I also have a great dislike for religous talk.
I am so glad you got a book on Toxic Christianity I have several and they have so clearly defined the dynamics of the whole experience and that helped me so much. I now live very far away from away from them and realize that it is not for me. I tend to be more forgiving but I have learned to keep my distance. I am doing so much better in spite of all that I am going through and am so glad I am not back there anymore and it was a very valuzble learning experience for me.
I am content being a Spiritual person and practice very quietly these days. Hugs
I am so glad you got a book on Toxic Christianity I have several and they have so clearly defined the dynamics of the whole experience and that helped me so much. I now live very far away from away from them and realize that it is not for me. I tend to be more forgiving but I have learned to keep my distance. I am doing so much better in spite of all that I am going through and am so glad I am not back there anymore and it was a very valuzble learning experience for me.
I am content being a Spiritual person and practice very quietly these days. Hugs
CraftyCath
VIP Member
@gizmo
There are so many who use their faith to control others, to keep them down. For some it is the fear that they may lose their faith, for others a power trip or wanting to belong. They will not go against the flow because they fear the members will turn on them so they go into denial, turn their face away. They fear change. Most have never been to the depth of their own darkness but believe that because they are forgiven by god they don't need to deal with the past.
They justify their actions and refuse to think outside of the box. My husbands family do this. They are rich, own 3 properties and have no children. They see our need and justify not helping us by believing that by praying for us Got will come up with the goods and they do not need to step up. I find this hugely sad as they have no relationship with our sons - perhaps that is a good thing. They have listened to false teaching and believe everything they are told. one example being my husbands sister who says that anger is sinful. I have studied the Bible and the only reference I have found is where Jesus says, 'In your anger do not sin...' After all, he got angry with the money lenders and overturned their tables and chased them off! By my sister-in-law's logic Jesus sinned.
We all need balance. The Bible states that God hates unbalanced scales (old testament). Proverbs states. 'wisdom is supreme therefore get wisdom; though it costs you all you have gain understanding.' I see very little wisdom and especially no understanding. I do not believe that Jesus came to replace one religion with another. I believe his message was simple - you have lived with the bondage of religion and I've come to free you from it. So we should live free.
Some need religion, it is where they are on this road we call life and that is OK but why judge those who have questions when we challenge their thinking?
A lot of the hurt in churches isn't done from malice but from immaturity as a person. Many christians are mature in their knowledge but not as a person. Like me, they loose the essence of who they are as they become part of a collective. I did this so I understand it We loose our humanity in an attempt to become spiritual, in an attempt to seek God. Infact, if we find who we truly are we will find him as we are made in his image.
Weather you are part of a religion or not, I wish you well on your journey and may you know who you were truly meant to be. Safe journey on the path of life my friends. x
There are so many who use their faith to control others, to keep them down. For some it is the fear that they may lose their faith, for others a power trip or wanting to belong. They will not go against the flow because they fear the members will turn on them so they go into denial, turn their face away. They fear change. Most have never been to the depth of their own darkness but believe that because they are forgiven by god they don't need to deal with the past.
They justify their actions and refuse to think outside of the box. My husbands family do this. They are rich, own 3 properties and have no children. They see our need and justify not helping us by believing that by praying for us Got will come up with the goods and they do not need to step up. I find this hugely sad as they have no relationship with our sons - perhaps that is a good thing. They have listened to false teaching and believe everything they are told. one example being my husbands sister who says that anger is sinful. I have studied the Bible and the only reference I have found is where Jesus says, 'In your anger do not sin...' After all, he got angry with the money lenders and overturned their tables and chased them off! By my sister-in-law's logic Jesus sinned.
We all need balance. The Bible states that God hates unbalanced scales (old testament). Proverbs states. 'wisdom is supreme therefore get wisdom; though it costs you all you have gain understanding.' I see very little wisdom and especially no understanding. I do not believe that Jesus came to replace one religion with another. I believe his message was simple - you have lived with the bondage of religion and I've come to free you from it. So we should live free.
Some need religion, it is where they are on this road we call life and that is OK but why judge those who have questions when we challenge their thinking?
A lot of the hurt in churches isn't done from malice but from immaturity as a person. Many christians are mature in their knowledge but not as a person. Like me, they loose the essence of who they are as they become part of a collective. I did this so I understand it We loose our humanity in an attempt to become spiritual, in an attempt to seek God. Infact, if we find who we truly are we will find him as we are made in his image.
Weather you are part of a religion or not, I wish you well on your journey and may you know who you were truly meant to be. Safe journey on the path of life my friends. x
Ellabella44
Diamond Member
This just bothers me so much. How people ruin things by not honestly " loving their neighbor" or those who need comfort instead of penance.
I say these days if there is a God , he has a sense of humor, and knows well why I am on a religion free diet.
Because of my meds for epilepsy, I was forced to have an abortion because of the severe birth defects my neuroligst told me would happen. He was very adamant about that being my only choice.
My parents response was that I had to make up for it by being with others babies in the nursery at church. I do not know if they thought of this on their own or were "gently advised" on a way to "clear my sin"
I was 18 at the time. Forgiveness for that is best found in myself. And just this year have i reached that by celebrating her brief life and making her part of my current family with my husband and kids. They love, support and accept me.
Forgiveness and healing my grief is not found in some church where i've heard sermoned that women like me are going to hell. So for this one thing, I'm going to hell for loving seone.
As for anyone in general, a neighbor who doesn't know the above , and is an every Sunday church goer insists that if I'm outdoors she is entitled to have me scream hello even if I'm having an asthma attack.
I've told her that some days I have no voice.. But I'm on her no good list still if she doesn't hear me. I'm out of cheek to turn...
As to door to door invaders who come to preach... If they come to my door I will simply tell them they have wonderful costumes, give them a candy and wish them well trick or treating...
I say these days if there is a God , he has a sense of humor, and knows well why I am on a religion free diet.
Because of my meds for epilepsy, I was forced to have an abortion because of the severe birth defects my neuroligst told me would happen. He was very adamant about that being my only choice.
My parents response was that I had to make up for it by being with others babies in the nursery at church. I do not know if they thought of this on their own or were "gently advised" on a way to "clear my sin"
I was 18 at the time. Forgiveness for that is best found in myself. And just this year have i reached that by celebrating her brief life and making her part of my current family with my husband and kids. They love, support and accept me.
Forgiveness and healing my grief is not found in some church where i've heard sermoned that women like me are going to hell. So for this one thing, I'm going to hell for loving seone.
As for anyone in general, a neighbor who doesn't know the above , and is an every Sunday church goer insists that if I'm outdoors she is entitled to have me scream hello even if I'm having an asthma attack.
I've told her that some days I have no voice.. But I'm on her no good list still if she doesn't hear me. I'm out of cheek to turn...
As to door to door invaders who come to preach... If they come to my door I will simply tell them they have wonderful costumes, give them a candy and wish them well trick or treating...
Changing4Best
VIP Member
@CraftyCath I'm so sorry that this happened to you! I felt awful reading your story and I truly do understand your pain. Obviously those people are not people of God and you are. I went to a church once that hurt me too. It was all about money and prestige, but thankfully I am in a church that is growing and very loving toward me now and I am so blessed by being there. Each of us will find our own path. I hope things continue to go well for you now. You seem to be doing very well. God bless you!
CraftyCath
VIP Member
@SheilaKathy
Thank you for your kindness
I sm glad you have found a good place that you feel weĺcome in.
Blessings,
CC
Thank you for your kindness
I sm glad you have found a good place that you feel weĺcome in.
Blessings,
CC
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- #204
H
hurtexchrstyun
You're story breaks my heart. I relate so much and feel for you. It never seemed logical that I should be a target, but I was. :'( Parents were deacons, their "friends" were my mentors. I've never been a particularly sinful person. I read the bible, I followed the rules (like waiting till marriage) just cause I didn't want to offend God. I don't want to get too into it, but whenever I tried to get help and let someone know I was hurting-even my own parents, I was just met with skepticism and nice sounding christianese one liners. I was very dumb. :'( Couldn't see at the time that people had positions of power and influence that they were clinging to, and that they cared more about politics than about understanding. All my love. :(
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