DID Splitting of the self/multiple personalities?

[leira]

Wow, that was a hard time you went through, and glad you're doing so much better now.

As far as letting me get away with avoiding the feelings, I imagine it's not forever -- but she's being patient right now. When I first started, I wanted to take it all on at once, and she's been good about pacing me, and I think this is just another form of pacing.

Anger is the one that scares me most of all. She said "mad is not bad" -- but I don't think I can agree with that. Luckily, other than grumpy moods now and then, I don't do anger much. But I'm afraid one day I might, and if I do, I may never stop -- so easier to just never go there!

Anyway, back to the original point of the thread and your comment about feeling that little girl inside -- I'm so muddled up on what that would even seem like, I just don't know.

 

[Lucycat]

I don't do anger much. But I'm afraid one day I might, and if I do, I may never stop

I don't do anger either. I discussed that with my T last week, asking him if he thought I would ever get anger. He said he didn't know and it really doesn't matter. I do wonder if one day I will explode in a rage - and what that would feel like.

I don't remember getting angry as a child either - just very sad. I am not sure if I just turned the anger inwards from a very early age and it became shame and guilt. I don't know. I seem to have worked off the guilt and shame most of the time, and it hasn't turned into anger -yet.

My T talked last week also about a different approach to the child, with him holding a doll during therapy to represent the child me. Just the look on my face told him I didn't rate the idea. If he really thought it would help I would give it a try - I'm up for anything to help my recovery - but he himself was hesitant and uncertain.

He frequently tells me not to worry about the child bit. He says even perfectly healthy people sometimes feel childlike and there is nothing wrong with that. Remember as well as trauma - actually children, in the normal scheme of things, have fun. So it's not all bad.

 

[leira]

That's very encouraging that you can get past guilt and shame without it morphing into anger!

Haha, I can't imagine my therapist with a doll -- trying to picture that, and it's epic fail! :)

 

[olaja]

I wanted to reply to Mitzi's original post. I have a few inner children who I can access quite easily. Each one of them was created at the time of a trauma. When I began with therapy 6 years ago, one of them would flood me quite often, and try to take charge. After doing lots of hard work, I have more of an adult/observer who can talk about what is going on with the little one(s). I do want to mention that this was not like the movies have portrayed, and someone would have to know me very well to notice. My husband (someone who knows me well) could see the shift when it happened. I completely understand the Jekyll/Hyde reference, but for me, that trigger of flooding of anger/fear that is from PTSD feels different to me than dissociating. Hope this helps.