Stalking Your Therapist

[Scandinavgirl]

This is a bit embaressing, but since I`ve started therapy, I also kinda stalk my therapist online. I am afraid I am a little too obsessed of him. I often go into his homepage to see if he has written anything new (and he never does), and to read the same sentences over and over again - what he does and what he spezialises in. I check out his Facebook-page now and then, and I found out a great deal about him this way. In the beginning I thought of it as research, but now I am worried I have becomed to attached or something. The truth is, I want him in my life - I wish he could adopt me or something;)

Now, I am on summer-break from therapy, and a couple of times when I have been thinking about our last session, I break down and cry. It is like I miss him or miss something about the therapy situation. I also cry because I guess I am not able to get what I get from him from others. I dont have someone so empathic in my life, I dont have anybody who understands, other than him. And I am also thinking he might soon get sick of me and think I should move on. Maybe I should move on and stop therapy.

I dont have contact with him outside therapy sessions, and I only go there like once a month, so it is not like I am a frequent guest.

Can anyone relate to this? Does it sound unhealthy to you?

 

[Hope1969]

I think that it's normal. You want to know more about him because you are becoming more attached to him. I did the same with My T. When she was on vacation I missed her and googled her ( didn't find anything , she is not internet friendly :) ). Don't feel bad about it I think that it's very human.

 

[Sideways]

T's are the one person we trust, the one person who is always on our side, and the one person who is, in a way, saving our life. Seeing them as a parental figure is common. Hell, clients falling in love with their T is common. And the heads up - T's know this stuff happens. Because it happens all the time.

Developing healthy relationships and boundaries is part of the recovery process for a lot of us. A LOT of us!! I don't think you should run away to a new T. If you can, I think it might actually be a really great experience to work through this. You know what's happening - so work on turning it into a healthy therapeutic relationship. I don't know about you, but personally, being able to manage relationships in a healthy way like that is a huge part of my recovery process. Can't run from it. To have healthy relationships in the future, I need to learn how to do relationships properly. And that includes my relationship with my T.

 

[Allie21]

I'm going to second what @Hope1969 and @Ragdoll Circus said. I think its normal. I have looked my t up on Facebook and Google to see if anything came up. If you think about it you are telling this person some of your darkest secrets without much in return. it is not unhealthy and is normal.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

T's are the one person we trust, the one person who is always on our side, and the one person wh...

Yes, I guess you got a point..But how exactly do one work with building healthy relationships in therapy?
I never really thought of my relationships as unhealthy before therapy - but I slowly came to realize that I am not the most "open" person in the world, and I have realize I am afraid to get to close to people.

 

[The Albatross]

"since I`ve started therapy, I also kinda stalk my therapist online. I am afraid I am a little too obsessed of him"... Eh yeah, I think I'd square that up and I'm glad you're open to dialogue about it. However I'd ask myself why indulging in an obsession is being indulged over the reason you're there... it is THERAPY. Affinity/a sense of closeness with a shrink is one thing, but hey... You need to do more prep work and self examine why you're there and that you're there for a reason. To me this smacks of avoidance.. and you can do that if you wish... but I expect complications one ways or another and in my opinion you are self sabotaging your recovery by indulging this impulsive behavior. Nip it in the ass fast, and bring it up in therapy.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

It is common to get somewhat attached to your therapist. I would even bring it up too him.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think maybe since you're questioning it, you have an underlying inkling that it's not healthy to be looking him up like this. Just a thought.

 

[Suzetig]

It's natural to feel connected to your therapist - you need that connection to do the work and yes it's also natural to feel it when they're away. I guess looking them up online is one way of keeping that connection or reminding yourself that they still exist when you aren't there (object constancy can be a real issue with simple who have experienced early childhood abuse or neglect).

The fact that you're asking about it suggests you're not so comfortable with it - and this is where you have the chance to learn how to do relationships differently. Can you talk to your T about your need to look them up, and let them understand what that's about for you? It means showing a vulnerable part of yourself and trusting them to value you enough to help you through it but that work helps build the relationship and might help you understand the need you have that's being filled by looking up your T.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

"since I`ve started therapy, I also kinda stalk my therapist online. I am afraid I am a little too...

Yeah, I should probably bring it up, but I am afraid that he either find me repulsive/creepy and get worried about me trying to get to close to him.
I dont know, do you talk to your therapist about your relationship with the therapist? Is that vrealy normal? I just dont know if he is the kind of therapist you discuss those things with..

 

[Scandinavgirl]

It's natural to feel connected to your therapist - you need that connection to do the work and yes it's...

I dont think I will be able to bring this up in therapy, I am afraid. I guess I dont want him to think less of me, and its not something I am proud of either..

 

[The Albatross]

If he's not the kind of therapist you can discuss these things with you need another therapist. It is however pretty common to have an affinity of some sort or another for an empathizing person... like a therapist.