Starting Emdr, Nervous After Reading Horror Stories About It

[mytai]

I'm new here but found this forum when I was looking for information about EMDR.

I recently started seeing a therapist again, I think I found one I can actually trust and connect with. I think I've been seeing her since July. During this time I was experiencing new abuse at the hands of an abuser from my past. I'm told that I'm very dissociative, which I agree with.

So far the therapist I've been seeing has been taking it very slow with me, trying to help establish her office as a safe place. Last week she suggested we try EMDR during our session, she explained how it worked to me and the different steps in it. She does it using headphones with beeping that alternates back and forth into my left and right ear, paired with two handheld disks that buzz/vibrate to match the beeping in my ears. She wanted to do a trauma that wasn't big for me, something completely unrelated to the abuse I recently experienced. So we picked a car accident that I wasn't really effected by, she said she just wanted to show me how it works. So we finished the session and I was fine.

My concern after reading horror stories on here about people working through multiple traumas, is whether or not I should continue it for more serious traumas. I understand that there are different levels of trauma in each persons life, and I've had many that I know about - there are also large chunks of my life that I don't remember anything about but I KNOW something happened.

Is it worth continuing to try? I trust the therapist I'm with. What are your thoughts? I think she suggested this because I struggle to verbalize my feelings and the traumas (recent ones), I tend to dissociate in her office when I try. Although she has been great in teaching me how to stay grounded. I've personally found that the ice packs she brings me really help, and fiddling with something in my hands.

Should I continue, or ask to stop?

 

[Lucycat]

Stop reading the horror stories!!!

I agree EMDR is not for everybody, however for some it is very effective. As you have already done a trial session you will have seen the simple 'mechanics' of it. You are in control at all times, and are free to tell the therapist to stop if you are uncertain or worried at any time.

My T suggested multiple trauma is like an onion. The outer layers are much easier to see, grasp and remove. It gets more difficult as you near the centre of the onion, perhaps struggling to separate some of the closely entwined pieces, but by the time you get there you will have had a lot more practice.

As with all things people like to share bad experiences as they try to work through it. However if they all posted on here about every single successful EMDR session the forum would be overloaded! Also, that does not make 'exciting' reading.

You say you trust your therapist. I suggest you share your concerns with her, and allow her to guide you through it. My T lent me his text books about EMDR to read before I started, during that 'finding safety' phase. I found that very helpful, but you are already a step ahead having had a trial session.

I wish you all the best with it, but please don't give up a potentially very effective therapy just because 'some' people have found it does not suit them.

 

[mytai]

Thanks Lucycat. I'm someone who needs to read about new things, especially when it seems "different", and I have only managed to read how dangerous it is to do with someone who has multiple tramas. My fear comes from those who have said it can cause brain damage on this forum. I'm messed up enough as is, I don't want to do something that will make me worse.

Any tips on how to get better at communicating with my therapist? I want to be able to verbalize what I'm thinking and feeling, but I second guess myself a lot and I have anxiety about saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid. I find it easier to write about hard things because I have the opportunity to think it through and delete if I feel like it is a stupid thing to say.

 

[dharmaBum]

I know well the experience of getting freaked out after reading the personal experiences of others in online forums, and I'm definitely a reader too when it comes to evaluating medical and mental health treatments. Might I recommend that you search google books or scholar for EMDR topics and/or EMDR multiple trauma, EMDR complex trauma, EMDR PTSD, etc.

Even you are just able to get a preview of a book, it might bring you closer to the information you seek. Francine Shapiro has some full-text articles available for free online, and I've found Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Scripted Protocols edited by Dr. Marilyn Luber PhD to give me some helpful concepts and language to use in discussing EMDR with multiple traumas with my practitioner.

Is your therapist a trained and/or certified EMDR practitioner?

 

[eav]

I have had multiple traumas and had a bad reaction after the very first session, but due to encouragement of friends, I didn't give up. I've done it for well over a month since, and it has really helped my PTSD.

 

[mytai]

Having a rough day, don't feel like going on. I've worked myself into such an anxious frenzy that none of my grounding /self soothing techniques are working.

I appreciate everyone's comments on EMDR. I'm just so scared of it now even though my one time personal experience with it is a good one. Wednesday seems so far away.

 

[Hashi]

I haven't written any horror stories but EMDR isn't for me. I do see it helping some people. It's a good idea to inform yourself and read about it, so you can make up your own mind.

At any rate, you don't have to do it next session if you feel too anxious. You could focus on something else for a week or two before making a decision whether to try another session.

Something that might also be worth thinking about in the meantime is the idea of dual awareness separate from EMDR. Even with regular talk therapy you can do something else at the same time as talking, especially things to occupy your hands, as a way to reduce anxiety. I've read posts where people say they've played a simple card game with the therapist or thrown and caught a ball while they talked. Some people draw on paper or with a sand tray.

Any tips on how to get better at communicating with my therapist? I want to be able to verbalize what I'm thinking and feeling, but I second guess myself a lot and I have anxiety about saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid. I find it easier to write about hard things because I have the opportunity to think it through and delete if I feel like it is a stupid thing to say.

Maybe you could write things down beforehand and take them with you to give to her to read or to read out yourself. That might be a way to begin a conversation with her about something.

I'd encourage you to have a discussion - or several - about worrying about saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid. If you talk with your therapist about that as a general point, maybe there are things you and she can come up with to make it easier.

 

[mytai]

Hashi, you have been very helpful. I'm not sure what dual awareness is exactly, but what I do right now is sometimes my T will bring me ice packs to place somewhere on my body while I play with my tangle (plastic twisty thing).

My thing with writing stuff down for others to read, is that I get very emotional when they are reading it - and I'm not comfortable being emotional in front of her yet. I don't know why but being emotional in front of her feels very scary to me.

I'd encourage you to have a discussion - or several - about worrying about saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid. If you talk with your therapist about that as a general point, maybe there are things you and she can come up with to make it easier.

I will try this next week when I go to see my T. This has always been my struggle in therapy no matter which T I've had, I have this great fear of saying the wrong thing, or sounding stupid, or even being judged.