Assault Starting To Doubt An Assault?

[Healing Reins]

Is it possible to have been assaulted 4 weeks ago, not remembering a thing at first, but now I'm starting to put the pieces together.

I went to my gyno and she said she could tell that there was forced sex. I don't know how she could tell because I already have had sex, isn't it impossible to tell? I really doubt that she could tell, but maybe she could tell. She said there was a cut on the inside of my vagina, so he probably fingered me then went to have sex...sorry that's graphic.

but my point of this is that memories of this are starting to happen, and I'm starting to put pieces together, and I'm questioning whether it was an assault, because I didn't say no, but I didn't say yes. And I was really intoxicated. But I'm also questioning whether it was an assault because I was so intoxicated that maybe I somehow said yes and don't remember it.

I've come up with a list of why vs. why I don't think it's an assault

why I think it's an assault
-I woke up with my underwear lying next to me
-my shirt was torn
-it really hurt down there after
-there was/ is a cut in me
-she found forced entry

Why I don't think it was an assault
-I didn't say yes, and I didn't say no
-I was unconscious..People don't have sex with unconscious people...i mean it probably doesn't feel good.
-I'm handling it pretty well, other than bursting into tears when alcohol is mentioned.


What do you guys think? Should I listen to my gyno, or do you not think it was an assault?


The details of what happened are: [DLMURL]https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/new-trauma.41591/[/DLMURL]

 

[Fadeaway]

It was absolutely assault. The big thing was that you didn't say yes! If you can't say yes then it was assault. People absolutely do have sex with unconscious people, and unless they were in some strange situation where they gave explicit permission saying "Hey you can have sex with me if I am unconscious." it is rape.

If you did not consent because you were to intoxicated, that is assault.

 

[Healing Reins]

I just feel like it couldn't have happened to me. Like how could this happen to me. I know I drank too much, I just guess I never thought it would end up with this.

I guess I still feel like it wasn't. I guess by feeling like it wasn't I'm secretly hoping that it wasn't either. Like Part of me knows that it was an assault but part of me is like maybe it wasn't an assault[DOUBLEPOST=1400192290,1400192175][/DOUBLEPOST]I need a plan of what to do now.
I've talked with my local rape crisis center
I've gone to the gyno
I've stopped drinking..

now what? How do I continue to not let this effect me...I feel like this is effecting me and I don't want it to. I guess it's effecting me more than I realize. Earlier I said IT wasn't effecting me a lot, but I guess it is effecting me.

 

[Fadeaway]

Your reaction is perfectly normal. It is normal to want to deny. Delayed reactions are also perfectly normal. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I would definitely speak to a counselor. Hopefully the rape crisis center can set you up with one.

Just remember this wasn't your fault. It is the fault of the person who did this to you. No one should have to worry that because they went to a party and had fun, they are going to be raped. Many hugs to you.

 

[Healing Reins]

@Fadeaway do you have any ideas on what to do?[DOUBLEPOST=1400193000,1400192891][/DOUBLEPOST]i have a counselor I told her what happened..I just don't know what to do from here. I'm still kind of shocked about what happened. is that normal?

 

[Fadeaway]

Absolutely normal. I can tell you what not to do, and that is don't keep it to yourself. I know that you want immediate relief from the pain and you want it all to go away, but working through it with professionals is the best way to cope. Have you gone to the police?

I personally handled mine very poorly. Kept it to myself, and didn't tell.

 

[Healing Reins]

I'm not going to the police about this. I've thought about it, and I just don't think at this point I'm ready to go to the police, and this is my third assault. the other two were when I was 13(Not sure if that was assault, that was more of me being stupid) and 17..(Date rape) so I feel like if i go to the police they're going to think I'm the girl who cried wolf.

 

[Fadeaway]

I understand that, I don't think they would think you are the girl who cried wolf though. You would be surprised how many victims of multiple rapes they see. It is completely your choice though. I would ask your gyno to do a rape kit just in case.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I don't understand it, and it's upsetting.

Men, especially young men, think with their balls. THEIR social circles say that getting a girl makes them a man. Young men are growing up with this confusion, that in one sense they are feeling the usual insecurities that they need to prove they are ok sexually, by having sex. And yet, they are under this constant threat that if they get it wrong and make a mistake, that they will be accused of their sexuality being somehow perverted. How damaging must that be to a young man?

I am all for getting education right, and helping young men understand their responsibilities and their rights - but also helping young women understanding their responsibilities and rights too.

Rape cannot be proved in an adult physically. A finger nail can cut you in completely consensual sex. Rape is about saying no, and as a woman, it is important to realise your responsibility for staying conscious enough in public to be able to say no. I would say to any young man who has had sex with a girl to drunk to speak, that he has made a mistake, and that is not fulfilling sex. But to make him out to be a rapist is totally wrong, and has the potential of ruining that mans chance to have a normal sex life, as people trying to convince you you've been raped could ruin yours.

I have memories that haunt me of being genuinely raped - of realising that he is holding my legs and I can't shut them, and of the searing pain because what was happening was completely unnatural.

I have also had experiences of sexual abuse in adulthood, where the experience becomes an extremely grey area. I handle it with the facts I have available to me. But I've had to accept that I dissociate, and that is a risk to me. That acceptance of the risks that I have, is something that i have to be responsible for.

 

[Healing Reins]

I made up the logic about the fingering part. I don't know why there was a cut...maybe there wasn't even a cut and she thinks there was one. I don't know[DOUBLEPOST=1400213836,1400213634][/DOUBLEPOST]Do you not think it was rape?

 

[Meadowsweet]

I think right now, that a more pressing issue is that you are getting so drunk that you can't remember anything. Trying to label something that you can't remember seems to be avoiding the real issue, and that is drinking to that extent.

 

[Healing Reins]

It was a one night thing. I don't drink. I don't know why I drank so much that night