Relationship Stay strong, sometimes good things do happen. combat ptsd vet relationship.

[headshrinker89]

Had you stayed in touch with him or you maintained no contact also? What had happened that trigger...

Hi sorry just responding to this! I haven't been back on this site since July.

During my time apart from my guy we spoke zero times. I attempted contact I think maybe twice and only once did he respond. Our relationship is what sort of triggered him...he had other variables affecting him but our relationship what the biggest stressor. Unbeknowest to me, he had developed romantic feelings for me again and he did think I reciprocated. So that aspect really triggered him because, at that time, struggled with being gay, didn't want to have feelings for me, and then he also believed I didn't have feelings for him...so he was just spinning and spinning until enough was enough. Me and him had a big conversation about "us" the night before ne disappeared on me. He was very adamant about not having feelings for me and only wanted friendship.....naturally I didn't express my continual feelings and took him at face value, part of me knew I had to get over him, so I tried to believed he didn't want me...even though I just knew. That conversation led me to speaking with his brother about some stuff, to which my guy found out, and did not appreciate that...so that was really what did it. He sent an aggressive text, I called him, and the conversation didn't go well....and that was it. Just like that, he was gone from my life again...like a death for me, all over again. But he came back! We are now in a great place...we are in a relationship that is pretty serious. He has really worked through his stuff and has finally let me help him with his PTSD, not 100% but I would say at least 85% of the time he lets me see his "darkness" and talks through things. For example: the other night his PTSD was minorly triggered and the old him would immediately shut down and then stop hanging out with me. This time he said "Ok I'm feeling stressed right now and I want to cancel our plans right now, but I don't want my emotions to get the best of me because I know you're not doing anything negative right now....it's just how I'm feeling right now and I don't want you leave so just be here with me for a little bit please." I freaking melted.

 

[Pippi427]

Hi sorry just responding to this! I haven't been back on this site since July.

During my time a...

In talking with my therapist, a trauma specialist, she mentioned that new romantic relationships almost always trigger feelings of trauma. It totally has nothing to do with the new partner. This is just the sufferer trying to process feelings. My boyfriend did exactly the same thing to me after we first met. Stopped talking to me for 2 months. I was hurt but I let it go and stayed in the dating game. Turns out he and I were actually a good match and he did have feelings for me. He knew I was hitting his LinkedIn profile so it gave him some confidence to resume contact with me.

My sufferer never cheated on me, or did anything dishonest or harmful. He had the willingness, just not the ability to maintain what he thought was normal interaction. And then there was shame. We had to work through that.