Sticking It Out When Everyone Else Is Just So Negative

[missing_the _sunshine]

Just wanted to get some thoughts from people about how you stay on the difficult and long road to getting help when everyone around you is just so negative.
My home environment really sucks at the moment and just get attacked all the time from my family for being 'weak', a 'burden' etc. I really need to get help for my issues but it seems impossible when everyone around me is just waiting for me to fail.
My doctor and Psych can't believe it when I tell them everything that my family says and does and says that I need some support other than them but there is no way I am willing to talk to anyone else about it when I can't even get support from my family. How do you guys do it on your own? Where do you find the strength from?

 

[Reclusive]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this! Is it possible for you to leave? You don't need that in your life and I can imagine peace and quiet would be a boon for you right now. Otherwise... do like teens and put the MP3player on all the time so you can't hear them? Maybe your tdoc can facilitate some kind of mediation or educational session for them or something?

Other than that, all I can think of is to find an outlet for the emotions that result. Take up running or journaling or something so you can just let it all out because that stuff festers.

 

[Tinyflame]

It occurred to me, the oddity of that, and I never even thought of the word 'support'.

I have had that experience, -'weak, a burden, freak, better you were dead, ptsd doesn't exist', etc. Now I've internalized it, to be honest I don't know where some of their words end and my own thoughts begin, what is 'accurate' or not.

I cannot give you advice, except to say I have found or had the strange experience of no 'support' where I would most 'expect' it (~family- in so far as (they) know you best or should more-likely 'care'), and yet more kindness where it wouldn't have occurred to me (people who have no 'requirement' to give it).
It is hard sometimes to know who to listen to/ what to believe in your heart.

But I heard today that after being rejected or betrayed it's hard to let people get close to you or to trust. So I would begin by trying to go to safe places or remain around positive people, or to read etc-whatever- makes you feel better or safe.
I think BloomInWinter said it somewhere best (sorry Bloom- don't know what post!, xox) that if you start where you feel safe, and with whom you feel safe, good things will come out of it, and you will trust more, because there will be trustworthy people (there).

 

[AngelaMarie]

For a very long time no one would believe the difficulties I had at home. I hope it doesn't make you in any way doubt that not being supported is unfair and you deserve to be treated better. I hope the forum will give you some encouragement and support where you are not getting it in the every day world. I do not feel that I am dealing with my issues alone anymore because of the support and truth I get here.

I agree with Reclusive. Try to find something that you like to do. Something that will help you feel more positive and uplifted because you are doing something positive for yourself. Something will take you outside of the stressful environment. Sometimes when I am feeling stressed something as simple as taking a walk and looking at houses, or sitting on a bench and watching what is going on around me helps me relax and feel more positive.

Good luck and keep moving forward!

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, that is true, learn to notice where and when you feel better, and do that. Get away, go to a park, stop for coffee, go in a church, use headphones when necessary, lock your door, read something that distracts you, run, exercise or dance; do even one small thing that contributes to your healing every day. Try to do things that make you happy, do something for someone else. Journal +/ or post here. Be kind to others, try to be kind to yourself. Consider your family's perspective 'their own' but not one you necessarily have to subscribe to, whether they understand, or not.

 

[The Albatross]

To be frank, I broke out of the family and the dysfunction by going to recovery groups in my community and doing volunteer work. I was desperate and my home situation was terrible. I got the support I needed when I took the risks to reach out to other people. Strangers. But I was very slow to befriend people, I listened a long time, shared some about myself... and was cautious about getting to know people. I had the benefit of mentorship from 4 older women through the past 10 years, and I don't think I would have progressed so much without them. I had alcohol issues too and that made recovery available to me. I learned a lot and am strong enough to stand pretty much independently of my family and inlaws. I was petrified but I knew if I didn't do something, I'd be dead. I couldn't afford therapy at the time, no job, and there was no trauma support in my community. There still isn't.

I do go to church, but am less inclined to share my issues with the congregation, and I have had a mentor from my church and counseling from my pastor too.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

Dear Reclusive, Junebug, AngelaMarie and the Albatross,

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement. I am in a tricky situation in that I also look after my disabled brother, so in regards to leaving - there is no way I could leave him and couldn't afford to move out and take him with me. I am usually big into playing sports but sustained a serious leg injury 2 years ago - which I am still on cutches from. I spose that is what has added to my frustrations - sport was always an avenue that I could use to vent and now that has been taken away. I seem to be burying myself in my work as a distraction, which helps the time to pass but I realise that it isnt helping the healing process. Thanks again for the kind words - I just need to suck it up and stay strong even though that can be incredibly hard most days.

 

[Reclusive]

It's so good of you to take care of your brother like that. That you stay for him is an incredible sacrifice, especially as you're risking your mental health to do so. If nothing else, give yourself some credit for that because it's a damn fine thing to do for another human being.

Focus on small joys when you can. I have halloween cat ears that I'll wear if I need a boost of whimsy. But it's something small I can do to amuse myself and lift myself up a bit and sometimes you just need that little bit to come back onto the ledge.

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

It is the least I can do. He has enriched my life so much and means the world to me. Just hope that one day we can leave and get to our own safe place. Halloween Cat Ears does sound interesting :)

 

[missing_the _sunshine]

I need to get out of here but I have no out option...I just don't know what to do or where to turn. Things are unbearable at home, so hostile so much abuse, bullying flying around constantly. I feel like a freak, weak, worthless and so alone. But there is no way out - I don't know how much longer I can put up with it for. Any suggestions on how to survive in this environment are drastically needed as I am at my end.

 

[cherryblossom]

Is there any way you can sit down with your family and have a discussion about how invalidated and worthless they make you feel? And explain things from your point of view? Staying positive with what you are doing to help yourself, rather than focusing on their negative view points. If you can't sit down and talk with them, perhaps you could write to them to let them know how you are feeling. It might help open the lines of communication. Of course if this hostility and bullying has always been the case, it may not change anything - but at least you will know that you have tried.

Obviously I don't know your situation, other than what you have written here. Is there one family member who you can get on your side to support you? You mention your brother, and not knowing his disability, but can he help you to stand up to the rest of your family emotionally?

Do you have any friends you can confide in. I understand how difficult it is to trust again, while you feel betrayed by your family, but unless you try opening up to some friends, you will never know how it will turn out.

You mentioned sport, I just wondered if there is anything you can do, despite your poorly leg? Would swimming or aqua aerobics be an option for you? Or how about using gym machines where you can sit and to do some upper body work?

I don't know where you live, but is there any financial help that your brother would be entitled to, to help you find a place together? Or any charity/ organisations that might be able to help?

I don't know if any of this will help. But on a final note, you are not worthless or weak.;)

Keep using the forum for support, but also see if you can find some real life support. Even if it's just going for a coffee with a friend for a gossip, anything that stops you feeling so alone.

 

[Reclusive]

That environment is doing even more damage where you need it the least. At this point, the only thing I can think of is to go to a residential treatment facility. You need out of that environment ASAP. Hope that helps.