Assault Still receiving threats from assailants

[Littlebirdy44]

I was ambushed by a group of guys from my neighborhood back in February. It was agonizing, to the point where I just begged them to kill me. I won't go much further with the details of that night but rather the threats I've been receiving since. Law enforcement in my area is horrendous and I don't believe i'm at the point where I feel stable enough to report & testify with a workforce that invalidates victims just yet. I have however, kept all the evidence bagged for when I am ready. The issue i'm having though is these threats have progressively been getting worse. They started off leaving notes on my car saying things like "kill yourself" and "you felt so good, let us f*** you again." Which I thought was torture enough until what i found last Thursday morning when I open my curtains. Someone had taped a picture of me from that night after it happened, embarrassingly exposed, beaten and unconscious and I just lost it guys. I couldn't get up off my floor for at least an hour and a half because the flashbacks were so severe. :( So I made a plan for that night to just let them win and to turn it all off. Fortunately I was unsuccessful and woke up the following morning. But I still feel this pain and it's unbearable. There are days I want to just crawl into my skin but then there are also days where I am face to face with genuine unconditional love from the people in my life. I don't know how I plan to end this death threats situation but I do know I don't want to let them win or get away with this anymore. Anyone have any advice or have experienced something similar and have some words of wisdom??

 

[Littlebirdy44]

anyone there?

 

[desiderata310]

Hey @Littlebirdy44 hang tight... there are natural lulls in the number of people on the forum and I'm writing a response as well..

 

[desiderata310]

It sounds like you know your assailants and you have evidence?

This is about intimidation and they are doing a really good job of this.
This is all for an order of protection. YOU NEED THAT REGARDLESS OF INTENT TO PROSECUTE.
Take the picture, bag it. Go to the police and file a report.
Ask for stepped up surveillance of your place.
File for an order of protection. For that you will eventually need any doctor's reports you have, any police reports (including the one about the picture, etc.
IF you can remember who has said what, when and where, make a list along with time and dates.
This is about building a case and creating a paper trail.

Don't do this on your own. Get someone from the victim's unit to go with your or go to the women's shelter and get someone to help. You need an advocate and someone who works in law in this area. The advocate is going to be important in helping you closer to trial.

Here's the shitty part and the reason that I am saying that you will need support- an advocate or a friend with you: when you fill out that report you are going to have to report what happened to you and it's going to be difficult as hell to get through. If you have someone who can go with you to hold your hand, grab that person.

The victim's unit in the court house should be able to help you. Meanwhile they or the women's shelter should be able to assist you with a safety plan. YOU NEED ONE NOW. I'm not trying to scare you. I'm saying these guys are ass holes and they are using intimidation to try to keep you hiding and quiet. I don't care how strong you are that's going to be hellacious to fight through.

My experience has been with domestic violence. It's different so it may not perfectly line up with what you need to do but there's enough of a crossover to make what I have to say valid and a good starting point.

I'm sure others will have more.

 

[desiderata310]

I was going to go back and add but I would RATHER this be a separate post.
The above is about PROTECTION.
This part is about RECOVERY.

Again, there are some differences in how DV works from assault works in your case so someone who comes behind me will have a much deeper understanding of how to deal with this our resident research junkie @joeylittle may also be able to offer insight that I will not have.

You MUST get yourself to a therapist who deals with trauma. Who can deal with the legal nature of this kind of active trauma. I would HOPE that the folks at the victims unit would have people who could assist. I am certain that the folks at the women's shelter do as well but I don't know if they will assist you or not because yours sounds like it is not related to DV and they may not be willing to assist. That doesn't mean that you can or should go this alone.

If you have insurance call your EAP. NOW. Do it RIGHT THE HELL NOW. And tell whoever that moron on the phone is that you are in immediate crisis and no, you can not wait.

And finally, keep writing here. We are not the place to come if you are in crisis (that's 9-1-1 or your local E.R.)but you can write and people DO respond.
You ARE NOT alone.

 

[Littlebirdy44]

I was going to go back and add but I would RATHER this be a separate post.
The above is ab...

Thank you!! <3 Thank you so much friend! I have felt so terrified and alone and its excruciating. I want to protect myself and recover but was just unaware of the right steps to take. Thank you again! I'll do my best to post updates about this situation here and will definitely reach out again if i have any more questions. You my friend are a beautiful soul and a blessing!!

 

[relm1]

I am very sorry to hear this happened to you. The same thing happened to me years ago. Four guys jumped me and I thought I was going to die. What was more terrifying is that I wore glasses at the time (had lasik so no longer need glasses). The first person came up and punched me so I lost my glasses. I asked for help and saw a figure come to what I thought would be some help. He was the second assailant. Then a third, and fourth none of which I could ID because I didn't have glasses on. They were kicking my face with boots and it wouldn't end.

The nightmares and fear than came lasted for years. The police tried to help but I had no details. They did tell me there is a victims of crime fund and they cover victim of crime therapy. Have you considered going to a violence/survivor therapist? You are not alone, I know it is very very scary and tough want you went through and would like to support you any way I can. It's a long road and I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

[lostnconfused]

My local police didn't help me; one told me that his father used to beat him, too, and that corporeal punishment was legal. Both believed my abusers' lies that I was the one who was the cause of domestic problems. The police told me I should behave and mind my abusers. I was angry and tired of my abusers abusing me, and here the police were, saying that I'd have to continue to put up with it. They didn't try to understand or listen to me try to explain that I was always trying to be "perfect" and not do anything wrong to upset my abusers, but they still chose to get upset and take their stress out on me by abusing me.

My abusers took me to an older psychiatrist for one day, and he didn't ask me any questions about why I was feeling angry at my abusers. I was ready to disclose the abuse if he'd asked, but he didn't and just wanted to prescribe me depression medication without getting to know or understand me at all.

So, I felt very hurt, upset, and angry at hearing these adults constantly say that I was the bad one, the one who deserved abuse, that I had to work very hard to convince myself that I shouldn't commit suicide.

So, I have trouble believing that other people really will help because people don't seem to understand me. Therapy sounds nice, in theory, but when I reached out to one to discuss other topics not my abuse, and whenever I try to reach out to others, they eventually don't understand me or disagree with something that I say, which hurts because I then feel like no one can understand me. So, I feel like I'm the only one who can help myself.

 

[relm1]

It is a slow process with many setbacks. But overtime, therapy does help. Also important, you have to find the right therapist. I went through quite a few before finding one who unbeknownst to me had experienced the same trauma I had. She was the first person I ever met who was herself a suicide survivor. We didn't talk about the event for maybe two years because I didn't realize it was still so raw in me. After I mentioned some of it, I completely broke down but over time (perhaps another year or two) she really helped me through it because she herself understood and lived it. Don't give up!

 

[bento]

@Littlebirdy44 omg I am so sorry to hear about what you've been going through!!
Sometimes the police response can be callous. It differs from person to person.
If you can go the a woman's center and ask for help you might get a name or two
of officers that might be more responsive.

There is a stalking hotline in US you can call and talk to someone that can give you
some ideas about how to protect yourself as well. Also, are you in a position to just
up and move away? Sometimes putting miles between yourself and your attackers
can be the best thing you can do. Whatever course you decide to take, make sure
you put in a police report. At the very least you have documentation so you can take
further action if need be. You can also enter into the address confidentiality program
should you decide to move.

Hope you find a way soon to create a safe space for yourself. Keep reaching out and
looking for solutions. And again consider just moving if at all possible. It's very hard
to make progress when you're feeling under siege.