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Deleted member 37868
Hi
I posted a thread a while back, basically I was in a downward spiral of addiction to downers and and binge drinking. I was so sure I was going to kick it this time I sought help at school talked to my doctor friends and family. But refil day... I overused my meds again one night was bad, out drinking smoking weed and taking pills.
Seems like a huge failure, but the severity, the amount of meds and alcohol was significantly less than before, usually that script would be gone in 2 days tops.
I have a demon inside, before this it was anorexia and bulimia since age 11. I always had this feeling that there was a monster inside of me that was growing to big for my body, and I had to starve it, block it out and now sedate it. I feel too alive, too big when I don't, this is not anxiety I'm referencing, it's something else.
FYI I'm not religious I'm just referring to it as a monster, or the too big sometimes in my journal. I have had years of professional help behind me, and no one has addressed taken seriously or understood this when I explain it. There's a terrifying part of me that is too much to handle, my thoughts and feelings overwhelm me, the skies the limit for learning or painting or writing.
This has always been explained to me as a good thing, but it's unbearable at times. I'm not a very relatable gal, never have been. Please comment share, whatever will be appreciated!
I posted a thread a while back, basically I was in a downward spiral of addiction to downers and and binge drinking. I was so sure I was going to kick it this time I sought help at school talked to my doctor friends and family. But refil day... I overused my meds again one night was bad, out drinking smoking weed and taking pills.
Seems like a huge failure, but the severity, the amount of meds and alcohol was significantly less than before, usually that script would be gone in 2 days tops.
I have a demon inside, before this it was anorexia and bulimia since age 11. I always had this feeling that there was a monster inside of me that was growing to big for my body, and I had to starve it, block it out and now sedate it. I feel too alive, too big when I don't, this is not anxiety I'm referencing, it's something else.
FYI I'm not religious I'm just referring to it as a monster, or the too big sometimes in my journal. I have had years of professional help behind me, and no one has addressed taken seriously or understood this when I explain it. There's a terrifying part of me that is too much to handle, my thoughts and feelings overwhelm me, the skies the limit for learning or painting or writing.
This has always been explained to me as a good thing, but it's unbearable at times. I'm not a very relatable gal, never have been. Please comment share, whatever will be appreciated!
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