Structural Dissociation - Psychotic 'part'

[greenleaf]

The color/warbling vision thing is definitely something I had as a kid during a period, not sure how old; I was terrified and thought it meant I was going insane. Also heard garbled voices in the middle of the night. So long ago...

 

[Eleanor]

I looked up synesthesia and trauma.

???? Wild guess on my part! Link?

I didn't want to marry her. The true test for being a narcissist is if I want to marry them.

:D:roflmao::hilarious::O_o:

I gotta say, I love it when I am right about something!

@scout86 We are flying to Iowa. So the car situation once there is a bit up in the air. How long a drive are you from Omaha? My folks are about an hour away (mostly east). So you'd have to be in... North Dakota, then? Or more likely Minnesota (pronounced with the correct twang.) Probably too far for us to make it during this trip... :(
:(:(:( (#@#%8(&%#*(##$%()

 

[Chava]

The color/warbling vision thing is definitely something I had as a kid during a period, not sure how old; I was terrified

I had some weird spatial distortions sometimes as a kid (hard to describe, but like trees became bigger or closer)...also hard to know what was born of my fantasy mind. There is certainly the imaginative period where unreal things are real, and it's not all bad (imaginary friends...I miss them! :)). But as an adult I also had some of this when very starved....not sure how much related purely to starvation or how the starvation allowed me to sink into cozy dissociation. Streets were losing their shape and I was afraid to drive. I didn't even dare tell my therapist. But she saw some version of deeply "gone" in me and sent me to the hospital.

What I think is confusing about a term like "dissociative psychosis" is that both parts of that describe a break from reality, but from different mechanisms. Though maybe like my street thing, there becomes a crossover point. The general description for my street thing would have been a hallucination (really felt like I smoked something laced with hallucinogens). But I could not be diagnosed as psychotic because the state was very dependent on my starvation, which was highly tied to my need for numbing and disconnection.

Anyway, I've said more than 2 cents, so I'm good and will leave at that. Not sure we have an answer on this one. :unsure:;)

 

[shimmerz]

This was NOT a "test" that he mentioned. Can I pass this along? He might like to know that there's an easier way to tell!

Yes, please do. Anything I can do in helping those who help others. I will let you both know if I have plans for future engagements. :inlove:

 

[scout86]

@Eleanor I just looked. About 6.5 hours from Omaha. Central MN. Actually, quite close to the setting for the movie "Fargo". It really made no sense that they called it "Fargo"! (What twang?) Maybe there's someone else who'd be coming from that direction who could stop and pick you up!

 

[shimmerz]

???? Wild guess on my part! Link?

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3556719/

Link Removed

What I think is confusing about a term like "dissociative psychosis" is that both parts of that describe a break from reality, but from different mechanisms.

Chava, I would really, really like to understand this better. I really appreciate your .02 or .10 or .25 cents worth (just so you know).

I felt like I was going to crazy land .... and I have no idea what will happen to me if there is no intervention. I am very lucky to have people that watch out for me or as of a few Fridays ago, I would be rocking in a corner drooling. Quite seriously.

 

[Born to Run]

for two and a half days I could NOT think. Not for the life of me. I was out in nowhere's ville. What does one actually call that?

Did not yet read through the whole thread, but to me this seems cognition heavilly impaired by your traumatic reliving of the EP. I don't think this has anything to do with psychosis. This is ptsd symptomatology, if the latter even is a word.

Her reality back then and my reality now actually are very similar. Which is why I think it becomes psychotic.

I believe what you went through is what my therapist would call an emotional flashback. You relive the past, which has become an EP, or fragmented state, to keep the pain separated and contained for you to keep functioning as the ANP. Yours was a devastating one, which could possibly lead to feeling psychotic. I was impressed by the quote by my fellow countryman vd Hart about dissociative psychosis. My therapist has told me, as I have said quite often 'now I am going to flip out of my mind', that we can not just go psychotic. I am going to ask him about this, especially after my own recent 'tear face off' session. He went on holiday after that, so no time for reflecting on it yet. He trained with vd Hart, so he should know.

 

[Born to Run]

What would happen if we had a convening in some central place. With all parts :)laugh:). And wood. And cars. And s'mores. And blankies and teddies. And taking care of each other. And lots of laughing. And weirdness. And silliness. This notion is going to keep me smiling all night long. I think there would be some damned good healing that would occur. Anybody up for it?

@Hope4Now (Quote function seems under maintenance.)

So funny, I had been thinking about this too last week :) Total weirdness, but everybody gets it :wacky:

 

[Hope4Now]

I feel compelled to share this. Probably should put in in the Structural Dissociation thread, but I can't figure out the new search function quite yet.
Do you know those stickers that people put on their cars...the ones that are abbreviations of places? Like "KPT" for Kennebunkport, or "MV" for Martha's Vinyard?

So yesterday I'm driving behind a car, and I notice the ACK sticker. In my head I'm saying "ACK" again and again, trying to remember what it means. Then my eyes shifted right on the car's bumper and the sticker ANP showed up. I started laughing. So, that's my new mantra:
ACK ANP
(which, if this makes no sense to anyone but me in my own twisted sense of humor, translates to :yuck::yuck::yuck: Apparently Normal Personality. (My ANP(s)...not nice to me at all. Functional, but not nice.

And...if you're still wondering. ACK is for Nantucket. ANP is for Acadia National Park.

Maybe I'll make a bumper collage of ANP stickers and EP stickers. There has to be an EP one somewhere...(:wideeyed::wideeyed::wideeyed::D There is...just looked. Estes Park Colorado). :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:. Sometimes I crack myself up.

 

[Hope4Now]

This one's for you. Complete with unicorn (but it's white, not purple). I just found this wonderful piece. Hope you like it too. I puts a different spin on "psychosis" maybe? Maybe I'm being way too arcane. If so, ignore and just enjoy.

Here are the lyrics in case you can't hear. http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/enigma/returntoinnocence.html

 

[scout86]

That was WAY cool! Thank you! :)

 

[anonymous]

A

The idea is that the ANP 'keeps it together' and that there are perhaps several EP's that relate specifically to certain triggers. I may have one EP who reacts to abandonment very strongly, another that feels that a raised voice means death, etc.

Does that help at all?

Can totally relate apart from the part that I have no control over it, although when initially triggered it certainly it feels like it, over time I (ANP) have learnt to support that part when triggered, rather than jump in an join the self abandonment, which was my normal way of dealing with it.

When I am really badly triggered into feeling abandoned I have on occasion had a flip out moment that has lasted from minutes to days, when the belief was I need to die, deserve to die etc.

For instance , when I was sexually assaulted on a bus in San Francisco on holidays a couple of years ago, I didn't tell my husband and he left me alone with my son in a strange city, and then another minor incident flipped the EP into a frightened rage against myself for being abandoned by the time I got to the room I was really panicked and frightened. I had an overwhelming compulsion to smash my head over and over on the wall and could see blood everywhere and images of me killing myself, even though I was just standing under the shower crying. This was the worst episode I can recall as an adult, and even though physically I was unharmed, mentally the incident flipped me out..

For me it feels like the part of me that feels abandonment, will do anything to prevent it, even if it means death, in fact that part of me seems to believe that death is the only option, I can go from being perfectly fine one minute to enraged and attacking myself the next, when that feeling is triggered. It always feels afterwards that feeling of not being me.