Stuck In Breakup / Get Back Together Cycle For Over A Year - Help?!

[SarBear]

Hi everyone, I am new here. I am not sure where else to turn. I have been dating this guy for over a year. Starting a few weeks in we began "breaking up" after every fight and getting back together the next day or a few days later. I put it in quotes because it never stuck.

I am simply exhausted by this but very in love still. He knows I have ptsd. I believe he may have depression or something similar but would never admit it.

What we are doing is NOT NORMAL. I know this but I feel trapped. We have been through SO MUCH together (abortion/6 weeks apart while he was traveling/holidays/friends/weddings/exs/so much drama). I am 29 and he is 34.

Why are we doing this? Why am I allowing him to play with my heart? Am I playing with his heart? It's to a point where everyday can go one of two ways. We're either good or splitting. I do not know how much more time I can give this but I can't imagine being apart.

I have had ptsd for five years from a terrible house fire. I get ANGRY and say horrible things. I view EVERYTHING as a threat. It is sickening sometimes I hate myself (and him).

 

[Yunie]

You're right about it being unhealthy, however, I'm not sure how abnormal it is. The problem with this is, down the road, you'll start to repress things because you know one stupid fight could lead to a break up. This will cause you to hold things back and, eventually, resent him and yourself. Everyone goes through this somewhat, I think, the thing is you need to be able to be open and honest without fear of abandonment. We don't always want what we should (that's the problem with love).

 

[a3a2]

With a constant threat of abandonment, a relationship cannot grow. I would recommend getting therapy and ending the relationship.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Bail out. The ship is sinking. It will only get worse, unfortunately. Wish I could give you more positive advice..

 

[SarBear]

I figured this is what I would hear from you guys. :(

 

[Yunie]

I figured this is what I would hear from you guys. :-(

I'm sorry :( Relationships always have that uncertainty aspect, but do you really want to wake up every day wondering if you'll still be in a relationship by the afternoon? I hate it, and it's going to be painful for quite some time, but if you stay together, it'll be much worse for much longer. Peel off that band aid, hun.

 

[SarBear]

I'm sorry :( Relationships always have that uncertainty aspect, but do you really want to wake up every d...

You are SO right. It is SO stressful.

How do I walk away from someone I love, who has stuck by me through all my bs???

 

[Yunie]

You are SO right. It is SO stressful.

How do I walk away from someone I love, who has stuck by me thro...

Gosh, I really know how rough this is. The best thing to do is to completely distance yourself for a month. Don't text/phone call/visit (don't drink because you'll end up texting) It's best to delete their number altogether and hide it somewhere. You need to tell him "hey, our relationship is becoming unhealthy...I need a break and hopefully we can become friends." After a month casually text (but don't meet up yet) feelings are still there after a month, but it seems like you don't want this person completely out of your life. It will get easier, but not after nights of crying yourself to sleep. Make a list of the pros and cons during this time of separation. See if you even want to rekindle any sort of relationship. Be sure to write in a journal (handwritten) this uses the logical side of the brain so you aren't completely clouded in emotions. Be sure to talk to friends about it. They may get sick of your whimpering, but if they're good friends, they'll understand. Try NOT to obsess over the past. I know how hard this is, but what's done is done...We leave some people in the past for a reason.

 

[Alfred33]

Gosh, I really know how rough this is. The best thing to do is to completely distance yourself for a mont...

Been doing this unwittingly for 17 years.
Home , kids,bills, career,activities, and once a year the magician pulls the table cloth out from under all of it.
Everything upside down and in shambles.
Magic does not work.
No matter how hard we work to repair the damage.
It is always a battle.
I am left with the mess.
ALL my good, close,balanced friends,the therapist,the other therapist,and six other past therapist have told me to RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How can I be mad at someone so sick?<------ That is the hard part.
Someone in the street tossing their cookies all over the place and we can't be angry with them.We feel for them!
I feel like taking them up on their advice instead of weathering the most recent storm.
The only thing that compels me NOT to change my phone number is understanding the well intentioned friends do not understand the symptoms and actions of a suffer of PTSD.
(Like I do ? LOL! )
There is no logic even to my sufferer.She acknowledges that at least without me prompting
her.

 

[Friday]

I get ANGRY and say horrible things. I view EVERYTHING as a threat. It is sickening sometimes I hate myself (and him).

Work on this ^^^^

Dealing With Anger

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ETA : WHOOPS! Just realized this is an old thread. Sorry!