General Suffer New Friends

[EveHarrington]

Do you remember how I called the restraining order threat the trump card?

Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Game over.

It feels like you want to accept only the signs that she wants you in her life while rejecting the signs that she wants you gone.

Haven't you ever done something stupid/regrettable when drunk?

Honestly the situation is never going to make sense. Best to accept it for what it is and move on.

 

[Ronin]

It feels like you want to accept only the signs that she wants you in her life while rejecting the signs that she wants you gone.

Haven't you ever done something stupid/regrettable when drunk?

This. All of. Thank you.

 

[EveHarrington]

If you want to understand PTSD I highly suggest finding good books on the subject. You'll learn a lot more than just asking questions on a message board. We can't explain with enough detail here. PTSD is an incredibly complex disorder.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Thanks to everyone on telling me what needs to be done. Get out of dodge and run.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Mind reading. I said your behavior & insisting on contact & 'fixing' a relationship like that as a priorit...

I am very intense but also very sensitive and caring

 

[Justmehere]

It's really clear you do care about her and that you are very obsessed with this friend. You are being told to back off from this young woman. She has been very clear. I know that while drunk she said many things about your relationship that made you feel confused, and even more like you need to help her, and be there for her, but you have to let her go. If you keep pushing to save her, this will not do you or her any good. You will not only have a restraining order in the mix, but she will be over the top triggered.

I think you are beginning to realize that yes, you need to stay away from her.

There is something you can do that will help the situation: seek out counselling for you. You do have a very intense and obsessive way about handling all of this and I'm concerned about your well-being just by observing the way you have behaved on this forum. When someone obsesses and intensely worries about someone like this, it's usually partly because there is some stuff going on for them. Even if there is nothing you are struggling with in your own life outside of this, it is really clear you are deeply struggling with letting her go and all the anxiety and worry this is bringing for you about her. Let go her, and go to counseling to talk to someone about all of this. It's really important. With some support and counseling, I think that someday you can be there for someone else and better show them how you care about them in a way that doesn't overwhelm them. A counselor can teach you a lot about PTSD and about how to best show the care you feel for people.

I hope you give it a try.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I have backed off but I still see her every now and than. Only thing I can do is control ever being at same place as her which after May 6 won't happen.

 

[Deleted member 33287]

Want to say thank you to everyone on here for helping me out. My main motive for coming to this site was to try and understand the actions of someone with PTSD. You guys helped me understand them, and forever in debt to that. You provided clarity to a situation that made no sense. I learned and matured a lot, but most importantly learned the definition of a true team mate and friend.

Want to say thanks to everyone who helped clearly define what space is. Took me a few days to realize this but I can't be around her or go to gym, because no one is there that is educated on PTSD's which makes the situation worse. I took a long look in the mirror and realized no matter how much I want to help, right now I am not ready to be the friend that she needs me to be. Besides her not wanting me in her life I lack the maturity and mental toughness that she needs to help her get over a mountain of shame.

As of May 6th I am done going to my gym until she is ok with me coming back which means I probably am never coming back.

 

[Changing4Best]

I have had 2 "best friends" who depended upon me financially in some small way. When I could no longer afford to give them money, they made no effort to contact me. So they were not friends at all, I basically found out. Right now I have a couple that lives next door who are friends and neighbors. He is having trouble finding a job and they know that in order for him to find work, they will have to move. They have promised to stay in touch via Facebook, but that is no longer close friends and I know I will miss them when they finally do move, though they claim it will probably not be for 2 years or so, because it will take that long for them to get the money to move. I feel for them. Right now they are living on a small income that is something like a pension which she has. He is unemployed.

She does favors for me, and I rarely have the opportunity to do favors for them, but if I can I do any, of course I do. I love them dearly and we have a lot in common. I have even thought of asking if them if I could move with them when they move, but I would probably be the proverbial "third wheel" and out of place if I did. So I am a bit depressed about what the future will bring for me in the way of friends.

I have friends at a social club for Senior Citizens that I go to a lot. They are all older than I am, I am the "baby of the group" who is in her mid-60s. Needless to say, I hope some younger folks start attending, ones who have just turned 60. I am still waiting, because I know that all these older friends of mine will most likely die before I do. Eventually the place would have to close down if some younger folks don't show up. We shall see....