Please don't tell me I am dwelling on the past too much...when I repressed the past until 2011 and so a lot of this stuff feels new.
Please don't think I do not care b/c getting around you is painful and overwhelming as well as enjoyable...and is therefore work.
People in general are work; I have agoraphobia and/or sensory overload issues.
Please do understand that I am TERRIFIED of you because you have the power to really, really f*ck me up badly.
I gave it to you.
Please understand that, while I'd be highly likely to survive a partial nuclear exchange, a natural disaster or zombie outbreak?
I have a horribly hard time dealing with normal life.
I get furious at myself for this...to the point of thinking of ways to kill myself often. It's scary yet reassuring to have all these suicide plans. Also...darkly funny...yup.
Please understand that I use a ghoulish sense of humor to keep me going, and sometimes I cross lines with it? And then withdraw, horrified, because I have hurt someone.
Part of my fear of people is fear of hurting them.
Please understand that when severely triggered, I may become extremely irrational.
Please understand...that you can't understand it unless you have PTSD too. :(
...Please understand I feel so alone with all this.