Suffering Ptsd From Mental Hospitalization Due To Ssri Side Effect

[mmir]

Thanks Debbie for your insight. I was definitely anxious and a little depressed since my baby was sick and crying for most of the day. She would only sleep 20 min intervals...it was so hard to see her like that...I felt powerless, like I could not do anything to help her. If I had to rate myself I would say my symptoms were at a 4-5 out of 10 before taking the SSRIs (with 10 being the worse--suicidal). Suicide never went through my head, not even once.

The SSRIs sometimes cause dishinibition and may make you think/do things you normally would not do without them. In my case, once the Zoloft wore off, I was feeling pretty good, ready to go back home...but then doctors decided to keep giving me more SSRIs and then the nightmare continued. I felt helpless at the hospital, afraid of other patients, lonely, and under the care of very callous staff...In a way, it was the same panic and helplessness I felt as a child. Just the fact that I had to dry up my milk while at the hospital is in itself traumatic, not to mention the fact that it involves a lot of hormonal changes too.

The day after I left the hospital I was in denial about the trauma. Two days later, the flashbacks, the panic, nightmares, hypervigilance, etc. started. Since then I have felt maybe a 6-9 out of 10, some days better, some days worse...Today has been a 6 so far ;)

Thanks

<edited by catjudo: not necessary to quote entire post directly above your post>

 

[mmir]

Welcome to the forum mmir. This is the first time I've heard of medication causing PTSD. Sorry that you had to live through this especially at a moment of life where there is reason for so much love - the welcoming of a babe into this world.

Hi! Thanks. It really was not the medication that caused the PTSD. The medication caused dishinibition, which provoked suicidal thoughts in me that I never felt before. It was being sent to a mental hospital that caused my PTSD.

 

[mmir]

(((mmir)))
I can relate so very much! When my son was born, it was heaven...then when my daughter was born...it really was hell. I slipped into Post Partum Psychosis, but didn't find out till later! I thought I hated my little girl...but later discovered that the anger I felt towards my husband, and my devastation of having a child so brain-damaged, manifested as me feeling that I hated her.

She was in the hospital for her first month, and I know it affected our bond. She was unable to make eye contact, and it was hard to feel like her mom. It was all so opposite of how much I love babies! Realizing that I was 'transferring' my feelings for my husband, and our situation, onto her. She had reflux, and puked every feeding for her first year!

I guess I'm telling you all this, to assure you that I could make it through all that, I know it is possible for you. Hang in there, put one foot in front of the other till this passes. And, your doc won't let you get addicted. I had the same issues with anger, and 'stuffing' it. It is not wrong or bad to use the med to help you get a good nights' sleep, that's taking care of yourself. While I was at my worst, I had to take my anti-anxiety first thing in the morning, or it would certainly be a bad day.

You SO have a right to be angry about the Psyche Hospital!!! It deprived you of being with your baby! I will pray that you will be able to live in the moment, and not in anger. It's very hard, I know, but anger is deadly to our bodies and minds! From your story, it's obvious that you are willing to do whatever you need to do to get better! That's the most important thing!

Blessings to you, your husband & girls!

Thank you AngelkeeperJ. It's been a rollercoaster of a ride...but I've had few good moments here and there and those are what keep me going.

 

[mmir]

I don't have anything useful to say (I'm sorry), but I'm sending tons of e-hugs your way. *hugs*

Thank you Nemi! ;)

 

[Froggie]

Thank you for clearing that up for me, I was a bit confused there. Anyways, do take care and be kind to yourself

 

[Kb3]

Mmir - I am SO SORRY that this happened to you. It is absolutely shocking and confirms my worst fears about psychiatric hospitals. What you went through, at such a vulnerable time in yours and your child's life is absolutely dire. I am angry on your behalf at the way the staff treated you - I wonder how much better the treatment would be if all members of staff had to spend time as inpatients before they were allowed to interact with actual human beings in need. I bet that there would be a lot more empathy involved.

Welcome to the forum. I wish you all the best in your recovery and congratulations on your resolve to break the abusive cycle for your children - I am with you on that one.

The one thing that I wanted to mention before I sign off is that my trauma therapist told me that ssri's can have unpredictable effects on people who have a traumatic background - I wonder if that is what happened to you? I hope that the EMDR is successful in neutralising stuff for you and giving you peace. ((((((hugs)))))