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Suggestions To Get My Fiancee To Accept My Ptsd As Real?

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I feel my diagnosis is and these issues I have - should not be a problem because people live through horrendous things and cope, i o w. people pull through, so why can't I....

Hold it right there...do not pass go, do not collect $200...I'll not stand by and listen to you badmouthing a friend....YOU!

PTSD is not only a real-live, legitimate medical condition....but a very complicated one which requires professional oversight and diagnosis. And unless you're a professional, you don't really have the grounds even to determine "whether you should just get over it", or not.

Put differently. People don't "just get over cancer", because they should, do they?

Just because trauma hasn't become as accepted and understood by the general public (yet), that doesn't mean that it's it's any less a valid medical diagnosis.

And it is. And your beating yourself up for suffering from it not only doesn't do you or anyone else any good--it just so happens to be wrong, as well.

But the irony is that one of the features of PTSD is depression, which can make you prone to beating yourself up a lot anyway. Not to mention the loss of control of your reactions, and attitudes, which tends to leave anyone feeling guilty, as well.

But these are are no less recognized comorbid conditions commonly associated with PTSD.

When the world, which is still for the largest part ignorant regarding PTSD, is echoing to you such deprecating attitudes, it's easy to feel outnumbered, especially at such a low point...and feel as though the responsible thing to do is take the world's side against yourself.

STOP RIGHT THERE!

Don't do it. You have as much of a legitimate right to your medical condition and it's symptoms as anyone else.

Have you thought of trying to make learning about PTSD a kind of "couple's activity".

I know where you're coming from, you feel alone and abandoned in your condition, and outnumbered by others who don't understand, and don't care to try. But please remember...that doesn't make them right.

I hope you'll continue to post to this forum for support--things can easily begin to look bleak when there's no one else in your corner, and this forum has been a great source of support for me, and in only the last week or so, I've really benefitted a lot.

There's lots of PTSD related info online. How about encouraging your husband to sit down at the computer with you, and begin seeing where you fit into the diagnosis, and identify the symptoms described, as they appear for you.
Maybe put it in terms of your husband "helping you to get a grip on it"...men like to hear things like that, right?

You're not alone. And you have a right to feel the way you do and have the issue you do. Please be well and know that there are others here who understand and care!
best wishes
 
Oh sorry..again "Promiscarus". I have been in a mode of instability for a while now. That is why. But thanks for clarifying :-) Just ignore me I didn't mean to highjack the thread. Having PTSD in a relationship is always a challenge.
 
Thank you everyone so much for your replies, suggestions, and insights. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in this so your help is tremendously comforting.

I did wait until a calm time to talk with him about it. A lot of you are right - he was raised in a family of 4 boys and his parents did use the 'pull yourself up' mentality when it came to solving problems. I tried using his own family's scenarios (one was a marksman in the Army and had some very tough assignments, one family member had a medical condition that caused fear of situations)...I tried using these as comparison to what I think/feel and I tried explaining that I have no control over it.

Unfortunately he was very resistant, and he was 100% stuck on the 'you won't get better unless you want to get better' line...at which point I told him that I can't marry him and walked out of the room. He came to check on me, and found me sitting on the floor with my head down - just feeling frustrated and defeated and misunderstood. There is so much about my abusive past relationship that I didn't tell him (I tell very few people the details), and I'm sick of trying to 'stay strong' all the time. I told him that PTSD or not - I would want to marry a person who trusts me, understands me, and supports me; because that is what I aspire to be for someone else. And then I started bawling, I couldn't help it; it all just came out in buckets. He did change his tune, so to speak; but I'm not sure what caused that. It could have been me telling him I was having second thoughts, it could have been me crying...I don't know.

I have contacted a therapist and hope to get some insight/help soon, and he did say he would go with me if that is what I wanted or the therapist suggested. And to those who asked - in every other situation, he really is supportive. He's the kind of guy who will help out around the house, especially if I'm exhausted. He would give me the shirt off his back, so to speak. I think because he's normally so considerate and caring, that's what really bothered me about him believing that anyone with PTSD is attention-seeking or manipulative or just needs to get over the past.

While things are calmer between us now, I am not convinced that he thinks it is a real medical condition; hopefully I can get in with the therapist soon and maybe a medical professional telling him will help. And you know what? I think he needs help too; a lot of the time I feel awful because he is not the person who caused my PTSD, so it isn't fair that he has to 'deal' with it. I'm sure it's hard on him too.
 
Wait-----he sees you as not wanting to get better! This is HUGE! Not only is it completely untrue (you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to get better), but.....

Maybe you need to fall apart in front of him. Maybe he needs to see it. Maybe your wall is stronger and taller than you think, so when bits and pieces of PTSD break through, he sees them as minor inconveniences rather than part of a larger more serious issue.
 
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