Suicidal Ideation

[Ghostybear73]

This holiday season is really not going well. Of course most holidays are bad, but my son doesn't get to come home for christmas (nor did he get to come home for Thanksgiving). He gets deployed again to the worst parts of Afghanistan. In the beginning of January. This will be the first time in 21 years (he is 21) that I don't get to have him home for christmas.

This time instead of being on the front lines as a paratrooper, he is going in as a dog handler. He says his dog is the best so far at sniffing out the bombs. Then he says, "the bad news is this dog is the best at sniffing out bombs". It took me a minute to realize what he was saying.

Okay, so to deal with these unwanted feelings of suicide, I decided to buy a new car. Funny thing is, my old car was only 2 years old. Well, lower pmts, lower interest rate and heated seats.

Today I learned that buying new things doesn't do much to cease the thoughts of suicide.

 

[macca]

I feel for you, I can't imagine how scared you must feel. You must hang in there, for him. I'm not sure what to suggest, other than the hope that you will at least be with other family for Christmas. If it were myself, I think I would try to keep busy, though it doesn't always work. Do you have a therapist? If so, hopefully you might be able to try and work through this with them as to how to cope. ((((hugs)))) if that's ok.

 

[arfie]

Wouldn't it be lovely is something as simple as shopping could cure our ills? The entire industrial world would be a picture of health and vigor! Eternal happiness at internet prices! Clickety click and click again!

So sorry to hear about your struggle but so glad you had the courage to share the load. Sharing the load is not one-click cure, either, but it does seem to make the burden more manageable. Hope it helps you.

Gentle hugs, Ghostybear. You, your son and his dog are in my prayers.

 

[Ghostybear73]

@macca, I have a therapist and we have been working together for a while. I do have to remind myself that I have a husband and a little one to think of. I really have to get myself out of this mindset because once I tell my daughter (she's 7), I'm going to have to prepare myself for her emotional breakdown. I am blessed to have a husband that can help.

 

[Ghostybear73]

@ Arfie, thank you. So far posting in this setting has helped. It also helps to remind myself that he needs me more than ever when he is deployed, so I have to stay strong and keep these negative thoughts from consuming me.

 

[EverOnly358]

@Ghostybear73,

I am so sorry this is so stressful, I can't imagine how incredibly difficult it must be. It's a great thing your son is doing, serving his country, but I bet you already know that. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible when you and your husband explain to your little one.

The entire industrial world would be a picture of health and vigor! Eternal happiness at internet prices! Clickety click and click again!

And, oh yeah, I tried retail therapy for years and years. It doesn't really work. I wish it did. But it's definitely fun. ;)

Be strong and be well, @Ghostybear73, you *and* your family!

Hang in there,
D123

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi Ghostybear, I grew up as a kid with my dad having to be away at Christmas a lot, it's very sad (even for the dog/ pets at home- seriously :( ), but you learn to accept it and count down the days. However, logically it will not help your son of course if you are feeling so down. But danger and the unknown are very frightening, I realize. :(

I was thinking, better his dog is so adept- identifying a bomb if it's there is better than not knowing it's there. That's safer.

Like arfie said, offers of my prayers and hugs for you all, as well. :hug: