Suicide the ultimate avoidance

[osiris]

On the plus side this puts serious plans on hold as can’t follow them through.
Silver linings ;)

 

[Ronin]

What do you lack &

How else can you portion what you have to last longer while sustaining you?

Maybe we can brainstorm alternatives :)

 

[osiris]

Probably ok, allowed to go for supplies, but nothing else.
Gonna be bored AF.
But no bully. Win win.

 

[Ronin]

Bored is okay...

I'm an imaginative parrot. You camp at that bully less island & imma talk stories until fun ships sail by in fleets.

 

[osiris]

Serious note though. Panicking a bit. Its been a really bad couple of weeks.
Hanging in there but triggers are rough as f*ck at the moment.
Still need the noise to f*ck off.

 

[Ronin]

What brings down the panic?

Or say if safe what brings it *up*... will figure the tune down & how to f*ck that noise on go.

 

[osiris]

What brings down the panic?

Or say if safe what brings it *up*... will figure the tune down & how to f*ck that noise on go.

Any loss of control (coz I’m all about that) brings it up. Panicked earlier after I’d written the diary, but small panic compared to yesterday. Prob because my choice to write, right, but not my choice to be triggered yesterday.
Swimming was bringing panic down but that’s a bust.
Def less stressed away from bully and friends, but brain still likes to tell me how shit I am. Blades tantalisingly close. f*ck.
Weirdly though writing on other thread has given me a bit of strength.
Maybe only partial f*ck up not full one :roflmao:

 

[Ronin]

It doesn't matter if you are a f*ckup. I know it feels it does. Extremely much.

But even f*ckups deserve celebrations & good times.

The blades can stay where they are. It's all well we know where they are... but that's it. Just cause something is on site ain't mean it's for any use.

 

[osiris]

The blades can stay where they are. It's all well we know where they are... but that's it. Just cause something is on site ain't mean it's for any use.

OK.
I feel safe. Words, the right ones, are more powerful than I realised.
Spooky calm, like where’s the catch??
All good tonight.
*feeds parrot some pie*

 

[Ronin]

Safe is good.

So is pie. ;) *shuts his beak, all :happy: for fed pie*

 

[osiris]

Slept. Woke up normally, not mid mare.
(Sorry sorry sorry).

 

[osiris]

Hesitantly resurrecting a thread.
Planning again. Not good.
Missing E and it’s killing me. I need to speak to her and I can’t do that this side of life.
I can’t tell T it is this bad. I am scared of what they will say. I can’t keep bouncing back to this point. So at what point do I call enough?
———
Felt like this since Tuesday.
Fighting myself coming here to forum as pulling out of all situations with others IRL. Cancelled plans. Hiding alone in my room.
I am tired of feeling so overwhelmed.
———
Not in crisis. But. But. But.
Too many ghosts right now.