Relationship Supporter advice for my hubby??

[Freida]

Hi all

Hubby and I have been together for a long time and we are usually OK but I'm worried because things are ramping up - once again - for me. I'm out on medical leave, have a couple disability things coming up at the same time that EMDR is becoming problematic and I'm headed into an anniversary trigger. Which means my stress level is...well.....I won't say I'm quite at bitch woman from hell but.....

I try really hard to not take my issues out on him and we do talk about whats going on (to a point). I hate that I end up isolating and that I get so caught up in my drama and just trying to hold it together that I don't pay any attention to his day to day life. He's pretty laid back so it could be he means it when he tells me he really isn't bothered when I go off the deep end because I always come back eventually. He seems to be OK but I would love some suggestions on what I could do to make this round easier on him.

Thoughts?

 

[Sweetpea76]

If your husband is usually pretty laid back and takes things in stride, I'd believe him when he says he is OK. My vet tends to be an isolater too, and I'm fine with it. I know he feels like hell and that he's not doing it to hurt me. In fact, if things have been a little rough, and he's been being a bit of an asshole with the lashing out, I can actually enjoy a little space myself. Your husband may be the same way. Some supporters get kind of zen with the PTSD cycle after a few years.

What I personally love is when my vet lets me know he appreciates me. It doesn't have to be a big show. He stuck a post-it on my steering wheel once saying "thanks for being there" and it made me smile for days. I knew he was sick, but he made that effort despite it all. Never doubt the power of a good hug either. We know you guys don't feel good. We know how much work it takes for that hug, and we appreciate it.

 

[EveHarrington]

Would learning to disengage help? That is, you disengaging before things ramp up.

 

[Freida]

If your husband is usually pretty laid back and takes things in stride, I'd believe him when he says...

@Sweetpea76 I love the idea of the little notes. We actually have a small white board for notes in the kitchen - I could put it there. And it's reassuring to know the zen thing is something other supporters have

@EveHarrington disengaging is kind of the problem...I go straight to isolating because I hate what's happening to me and I don't want him to have to suffer because I'm having a temper tantrum. So I shut down. But I want him to know I'm still there...sort of ...

 

[EveHarrington]

I understand. It's HARD getting to the place where you can just take a short time out without going whole hog and completely isolating.