Thank you @Freida and @scout86 - the stress cup, that’s what has me wondering right now. Things are going on for him that would ordinarily overflow his cup. New work, birthday (which he hates,) a bit of money worries, working through a book on couples conflicts with me, which brings up a lot of stuff. And yet, no episodes. It really has me wondering what is keeping him in check. Repression? Having come to terms with some of the trauma? Mostly I’m just wondering what would actually have to happen for the other shoe to drop at this point.
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General Supporters: ask a sufferer (symptoms etc)
- Post starter Swift
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- Post starter
- #38
Swift
Diamond Member
Basically, my intentions in creating this thread were to make a place for supporters and sufferers to talk about the particular difficulties of their situations.
Sufferers (quite rightly) get 95% of the air space in discussions, in thread counts, in thinking about PTSD in general. There are a lot of places we can go to talk about our particular issues with PTSD .
Supporters don't get nearly enough space. The solution to that, in my view, is to create more space, and more discussions between sufferers and supporters.
It's not 'pie.' We need to make more of it.
It's understandable that the discussion will spark strong emotions of frustration and being misunderstood, which is why it's worth having in the first place.
I think it's important to remember that we're not the ones causing each other pain or difficulty in real life. For my part, what that means is I'll try to keep any frustration where it belongs, rather than directing it to any supporters who are brave enough to claim the title here.
Let's try to remember that even if we're not in the same boat, we're in the same fleet, heading to the same place. Adjacent boats, if you like.
@EveHarrington , yeah a place for sufferers and supporters to discuss issues.
I'd really love it if we could keep the ad hominem stuff to a minimum. It's not fair to direct pain or blame at each other, even though it's easy.
(/fin.)
It's like mental health jenga. If I get really badly triggered, or have a new memory surface, it's like I've pulled out a block at the bottom of the tower and the whole thing has come tumbling down. It takes me weeks or months to build it back again. A trigger or an inconvenience can be in any position in the jenga tower - if it's a mild one, I only have to put a few blocks back, if it's a medium one, a few more back, but if it's at the bottom of the tower I'm stuffed for weeks.
For example, being startled? Easy block to put back. Right at the top.
Today with gardeners and ridiculously loud whipper shippers and HV? A few blocks down. Fixable by some quiet time. I left the house because it was just grating on me.
I recently had surgery on my hand, which is something that most people would shake off. The feeling of being drugged and not knowing what happened and waking up without my clothes?
All the blocks fell down. Still trying to rebuild the tower.
It's triggered a spate of nightmares, which are shit. Then I wake up with my stress cup like 80% full and it just goes downhill from there.
Spoon theory can be helpful too - the idea that the littlest tasks take "spoons", or energy, which varies daily.
If you imagine the amount of energy it takes to have a shower as one spoon:
Grocery shopping on a really good day is a 3-spoon job for me. Doing it with HV is like an 8 spoon job, and doing it when I'm feeling acutely unsafe is like 15 spoons.
Sometimes I wake up with like, ,30 spoons. Sometimes I wake up with 10.
Doing an 8 spoon job on a 10 spoon day... not so great.
Heck, sometimes having a shower is an 8 or 12 spoon job if the body memories are bad that day.
Hope that makes sense.
Sufferers (quite rightly) get 95% of the air space in discussions, in thread counts, in thinking about PTSD in general. There are a lot of places we can go to talk about our particular issues with PTSD .
Supporters don't get nearly enough space. The solution to that, in my view, is to create more space, and more discussions between sufferers and supporters.
It's not 'pie.' We need to make more of it.
It's understandable that the discussion will spark strong emotions of frustration and being misunderstood, which is why it's worth having in the first place.
I think it's important to remember that we're not the ones causing each other pain or difficulty in real life. For my part, what that means is I'll try to keep any frustration where it belongs, rather than directing it to any supporters who are brave enough to claim the title here.
Let's try to remember that even if we're not in the same boat, we're in the same fleet, heading to the same place. Adjacent boats, if you like.
@EveHarrington , yeah a place for sufferers and supporters to discuss issues.
I'd really love it if we could keep the ad hominem stuff to a minimum. It's not fair to direct pain or blame at each other, even though it's easy.
(/fin.)
What's different to me seems that I don't have nearly as many symptoms "in remission." Like, my nights are fairly okay, I'm not HV so far gone I can't concentrate, I'm not dissociating all over the shop and I'm managing to get things done.
It's like mental health jenga. If I get really badly triggered, or have a new memory surface, it's like I've pulled out a block at the bottom of the tower and the whole thing has come tumbling down. It takes me weeks or months to build it back again. A trigger or an inconvenience can be in any position in the jenga tower - if it's a mild one, I only have to put a few blocks back, if it's a medium one, a few more back, but if it's at the bottom of the tower I'm stuffed for weeks.
For example, being startled? Easy block to put back. Right at the top.
Today with gardeners and ridiculously loud whipper shippers and HV? A few blocks down. Fixable by some quiet time. I left the house because it was just grating on me.
I recently had surgery on my hand, which is something that most people would shake off. The feeling of being drugged and not knowing what happened and waking up without my clothes?
All the blocks fell down. Still trying to rebuild the tower.
It's triggered a spate of nightmares, which are shit. Then I wake up with my stress cup like 80% full and it just goes downhill from there.
Spoon theory can be helpful too - the idea that the littlest tasks take "spoons", or energy, which varies daily.
If you imagine the amount of energy it takes to have a shower as one spoon:
Grocery shopping on a really good day is a 3-spoon job for me. Doing it with HV is like an 8 spoon job, and doing it when I'm feeling acutely unsafe is like 15 spoons.
Sometimes I wake up with like, ,30 spoons. Sometimes I wake up with 10.
Doing an 8 spoon job on a 10 spoon day... not so great.
Heck, sometimes having a shower is an 8 or 12 spoon job if the body memories are bad that day.
Hope that makes sense.
ILoveLife
VIP Member
Right now I also think when my stress cup is low, I'm able to handle life. I did have a period there when I was not symptomatic. It's not like I was recovered, or not dealing with the trauma. I still thought about it and dealt with it, just calmer, not all over the place. I didn't get triggered either. It passed though.
scout86
VIP Member
Is it possible that there are things that sometimes add to his stress level that you aren't aware of? Maybe he isn't either? In my experience, anything can push things over the edge. It's more that the LAST thing is what pushes you over, even if it's something that, all by itself, seems small and stupid.
zombycat
Silver Member
@Swift that whole post was so well put you kind of blew my mind. I had never thought about it in terms of Jenga before. Like holy hell, I feel like my brain is a video game and I just reached a whole new area to explore.
I always just did my best to enjoy and maintain the good times and to care myself back to steady ground in the bad. I mean, yes, obviously things are going to trigger and be difficult to deal with, but in terms of long term wellness or struggling, it had never occurred to me to think if it in those terms.
I always just did my best to enjoy and maintain the good times and to care myself back to steady ground in the bad. I mean, yes, obviously things are going to trigger and be difficult to deal with, but in terms of long term wellness or struggling, it had never occurred to me to think if it in those terms.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
I think that your anger is misplaced and I didn’t deserve your snark. Maybe you should put your anger where it belongs, on your own sufferer, and not on sufferers who are invited to this thread to help. You’re just scaring away people who try to help. Not sure why you see fit to give the smack down to those who just try to help.
mumstheword
VIP Member
I like the jenga analogy too. Thanks for that @Swift :-)
It's really helping me feel better about the struggles.
Really, really grateful.
It's really helping me feel better about the struggles.
Really, really grateful.
- Post starter
- #44
Swift
Diamond Member
Okay OP reminder:
Nobody has to be here.
Sufferers, I started this thread because it's something that's working for me right now. I can get stuff straight in my head. I want to help supporters, and I am *able* to do so, right now.
Supporters, you guys don't have to be here either.
This site is a gold mine of different forums where everyone can get the help they need.
Let's not argue, please. There's a lot of justifiable anger and bitterness on both sides, but I didn't set this up to rant at each other.
(/fin.)
@zombycat , I love the video game thing! It's like I've stumbled into The Badlands without knowing how I got there, sometimes.
The Jenga is a simple analogy but it works for me.
Nobody has to be here.
Sufferers, I started this thread because it's something that's working for me right now. I can get stuff straight in my head. I want to help supporters, and I am *able* to do so, right now.
Supporters, you guys don't have to be here either.
This site is a gold mine of different forums where everyone can get the help they need.
Let's not argue, please. There's a lot of justifiable anger and bitterness on both sides, but I didn't set this up to rant at each other.
(/fin.)
@zombycat , I love the video game thing! It's like I've stumbled into The Badlands without knowing how I got there, sometimes.
The Jenga is a simple analogy but it works for me.
- Moderator
- #45
Sweetpea76
VIP Member
Cut the snark in general and keep this thread on topic. Last warning to all.
Never_falter2
Diamond Member
My question would be: why do some people with ptsd keep repeating some things? Well, I know two who do that. I am not sure if it is a ptsd thing... like... my guy telling me over and over... few examples
* There are horrible people at my work place. They do not pay attention to what I say
* The x is broken, it needs to be fixed. Do not worry I will do that (in case of everything that needs fixing just right until he does it)...
* Do you know where the ... is now? It is in the ... place. I put it there. So the key for the shed is on this board now
* Do you remember how important it is never to let the older boys ride their bikes without a helmet?
I do get it is important for kids to wear their helmets and while I think it is good to be reminded some times, being reminded over and over makes me feel a bit like an idiot.
Same with the example of the keys or everything like this, especially if he comes back after having already left the house to give me some info I already had before.
Are people with ptsd unsure if the info they are trying to give other people is properly understood by those?
I think he does understand it annoys be a bit because he comes back with such a wide smile and looking bashful. I understand he wants to make sure important info is not lost. There is als cases when he really reminded me of something important that I nearly forgot. How can we find a good way to communicate things he thinks are important for us.
He likes to make list of important things to do and then not only he has that list and it is in the fridge for everybody to see but he also reminds me of that list all of the time. How can he shake of his fear that everybody apart from him is a total idiot. Do I feed this fear by sometimes really forgetting about things? Sometimes when he reminded me of things I really forgot about I told him so. Was it wrong to tell him because it feeds his fears?
In case of The people at his jobs I think that is different. He needs to complain a bit and get comforted I guess, but I do try to give him reassurance but it never gets trough to him.
There is other examples of this. For example he thinks he made a mistake, ask him if I think if he was wrong to do X. I tell him I do not think so. He asks me over and over again. Each time I try to comfort him and for a short while he is happy with it but after a while he needs to come ask me again.
* There are horrible people at my work place. They do not pay attention to what I say
* The x is broken, it needs to be fixed. Do not worry I will do that (in case of everything that needs fixing just right until he does it)...
* Do you know where the ... is now? It is in the ... place. I put it there. So the key for the shed is on this board now
* Do you remember how important it is never to let the older boys ride their bikes without a helmet?
I do get it is important for kids to wear their helmets and while I think it is good to be reminded some times, being reminded over and over makes me feel a bit like an idiot.
Same with the example of the keys or everything like this, especially if he comes back after having already left the house to give me some info I already had before.
Are people with ptsd unsure if the info they are trying to give other people is properly understood by those?
I think he does understand it annoys be a bit because he comes back with such a wide smile and looking bashful. I understand he wants to make sure important info is not lost. There is als cases when he really reminded me of something important that I nearly forgot. How can we find a good way to communicate things he thinks are important for us.
He likes to make list of important things to do and then not only he has that list and it is in the fridge for everybody to see but he also reminds me of that list all of the time. How can he shake of his fear that everybody apart from him is a total idiot. Do I feed this fear by sometimes really forgetting about things? Sometimes when he reminded me of things I really forgot about I told him so. Was it wrong to tell him because it feeds his fears?
In case of The people at his jobs I think that is different. He needs to complain a bit and get comforted I guess, but I do try to give him reassurance but it never gets trough to him.
There is other examples of this. For example he thinks he made a mistake, ask him if I think if he was wrong to do X. I tell him I do not think so. He asks me over and over again. Each time I try to comfort him and for a short while he is happy with it but after a while he needs to come ask me again.
ILoveLife
VIP Member
I'm not sure it's a ptsd thing either. Might be the need for constant reassurance. But I know plenty of people who do that but don't have ptsd.
Hmm. Sorry, not sure this is of much help. :)
Never_falter2
Diamond Member
I hope what I say now does no offend anybody. Both people I know who are like this have ptsd from the military and both told me they think that in there are some people who are not very brainy serving in the military. They have other qualities. Sorry for being that direct. I am not sure if this is a reaction to that... or well... maybe the people were actually really brainy but the ptsd vets did not see.
Do not get me wrong. My vet really loved that guys, still does... but he actually thinks they were not brainy.
According to my vet it is the same with the people working his business concern now, many of those are not very smart.
My vet actually is proven to be brainy above average *lol*... according to IQ tests.
Do not get me wrong. I just fear that he has the feeling: It is my job to safe everybody because I am smarter then them and he only wants to be helpful.
Do not get me wrong. My vet really loved that guys, still does... but he actually thinks they were not brainy.
According to my vet it is the same with the people working his business concern now, many of those are not very smart.
My vet actually is proven to be brainy above average *lol*... according to IQ tests.
Do not get me wrong. I just fear that he has the feeling: It is my job to safe everybody because I am smarter then them and he only wants to be helpful.
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