Suppose This Falls Under Employment

[abbynormal1929]

Hi,

I've posted on this site from time to time, I never really know the best category for my topics, this one does involve employment (though it involves other things too). I cant seem to find an employment situation that doesn't make me feel guilty or depressed.

I have a degree in counseling and music therapy. I worked as a counselor for all of 2 days before I was very heavily triggered and ended up self harming for the first time in years. I shouldn't be too surprised about that because I ended up in a major depressive episode, and unable to work at all for about 2 and a half years starting at the time I was finishing my degree in 2011.

I just got married to a woman with a child with relitively low functioning autism (actually had more experience with kids with autism, than average functioning kids before that). Main point of the post: if I work durring the day I'm not there to put her on the bus, and no one else can cause my wife makes way more than I do. If I try to work in the evening I never see my wife which drives both of us nuts (she also has a trauma history)(also meaning it exacerbates my depression and anxiety symptoms), and If I try to work part time we don't make enough money. All I can think to do is try to find some magic job that fits everyone's schedules, and makes enough money.

Most recently I tried to work an evening job that ends at 2 am. My in-laws that live in the same apartment building won't help out by putting my step-daughter on her school bus even though they get out at 11 and I get out at 2, so I would end up having to wake up after 3 hours sleep. My wife wont push them on it cause she knows I won't fight her on it.

I just feel like I'm not left with any options that let me stay sane, and not feel like im dissapointing someone. And my own messed up psyche won't let me be the least bit selfish, and start making demands. Even if I start do I back off the seccond it looks like I'm upsetting my wife. Not that my feeling guilty is unique to her, this kind of thing has been happening my whole life.

Any way, I feel stuck, like there are no options that leave me feeling good about myself. On top of that, when I am working I still don't make enough to get caught up on bills, or get out of my giant student loan pile.

Any way comment if you like

 

[Silver.]

I think the first definition under parenting just says "tired"
Seeing we can't control what others do around us (ie: stubborn in-laws), would you be okay waking up to get the little one off to school and then going back to bed? Are there other people in the building that have kids off to school as well? Could you enlist their help?

 

[hodge]

I'm just wondering how your wife got her child on the bus before you were there?

 

[eloc]

I also am not sure how and if to get back to work - my two past careers have too much responsibility and would activate me - my mind and body says don't go near work yet not with people not with deadlines not with responsibility. That being said I totally had to get my head around learning a new language as my kids were struggling with their second nationality national language - I had avoided this for 20 years but helping my kids with their homework is something I am trying to get back to be able to doing - it turns out the teaching of it though structured has no structured simple support materials and especially not for kids learning the language as a second language so over the past two years I have been thinking about it and I now fully understand the alphabet, vowel and pronunciation marks and the joining and am working on the breaking down of spelling of the most frequent words and grade wise vocabulary with translation and transliteration and I just handed over a tight little package to a publicist for proofing the linguistic side and maybe pushing it out on for profit or not for profit publication. I did not intend to do this - it just ended up being logical and based on what I could manage and what I had to do anyway even with PTSD - noone takes on your kids- my income has been zero for last 11months, disability pension for 6 months and zero for 6 months before that and two years on 2/3rds of my salary before that and tax free fantastic for the four years before that. And I to cannot get away from the responsibility of my two boys and the morning routine so I totally get what you are saying - I do swim and I do walk both enabled by hypnosis and that has got me to this point - I keep getting offered work - but they are so huge and important and I know I might manage but at what cost to my mental health and family relations as I hold myself in check at work and meltdown explode or implode at home. My teaching and learning materials may make me no money but even if they reduce the learning anxiety of my own and even one more kid then it is not time wasted and the potential could be they have more impact on literacy then anything I have done in my other careers of working - time will tell. My priorities have changed to roof over head food on table and time with kids that isn't destructive - the whole two people working thing is necesary because we choose consumer lifestyles - I don't have that luxury anymore - I am choosing selfcare and family care in that order and if you can spin off a low stress work opportunity from that - do it. The language was a right left one so I thought of it as EMDR therapy - working in one and then the other and it has taken literally years but I have produced something worthwhile and picked up on taking time for my kids care - something I dropped when I was a director and started early and worked late on the urge to help others - time to see if I can help me and if in the process of doing something small for ourselves we end up doing something for others - so be it. I hope you find something that helps you look after you and look after your family and earn enough. I earned about 4 times my husband current salary so we have had to change lifestyle a lot. I have no money in my wallet and have to ask for it from my husband - something I have not done in 20 years of marriage but we adjust and I am pretty sure I don't want my old life back were it even possible - three days and a little money is something I might do one day - but for now pottering is it for me.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hi,

I've posted on this site from time to time, I never really know the best category for my to...

So sorry for all these challenges you have to face. Do they have some type of before and after school programs that might make it easier? In Laws that don't help? So why continue to communicate with someone that does not want to help?

 

[abbynormal1929]

In answer to some of the questions in the thread: before I met her she worked evenings, and my in laws would watch her at night (they were on days at the time). So my wife could get her off to school then. As far as before or after school programs: we're working on it, but because of the severity of her autism my step daughter needs 1:1 attention, and it's a huge struggle to get that for any program outside of school hours. Even the after school program, which most kids can start on a days notice takes weeks to put into place for my step-daughter. I'm doing my best for self-care. I have trouble getting through days with no one around. At the moment I don't have a therapist cause my last one left the organization, and she was fee for service, and based on my previous intake I didn't meet criteria to see one of the staff therapist. They think I would now cause so many factors have changed since my last intake, but I'm waiting for a whole new intake. (even though I still see a perscriber at the same organization[don't get me started on human services in New Hampshire]) Sort of off topic but I found out my state insurance won't cover a surgery was gonna have to save my left kidney cause the surgeon is in Massachusetts, and they want me to have the surgery in NH, even though I was reffered to someone in MA because there was no surgeon in NH that could do robotic kidney surgery, I'm trying to appeal. But back to the topic at hand: my wife complicates self-care. Because of her own trauma history my wife can be kind of needy, and it's tough to get out and do self care stuff on my nights off, but I do manage to get out to a mood disorder support groupon Fridays.

 

[abbynormal1929]

Oh and I do go back to bed after she's off, but for whatever reason I feel guilty sleeping through the day, even if I do work a 10 hour shift subsequently... go figure

 

[Silver.]

quick note: medicare and (Vermont Medicaid) are both accepted down at Boston Medical, so perhaps NH Medicaid is because it's closer? if that is an option for you to go there?
I know it's hard right now, but sometimes you just have to do what is best for the situation. Not everyone wants to sleep during the day, I know I feel guilty when I sleep in past 5 am, but until something clicks into place for you, it sounds like that is what you need to do for the time being.
I hope you can get your health situated, I completely understand how badly it is here, but don't give up x

 

[abbynormal1929]

Oh, and my in-laws did help more before we moved in together, but now it's like "She has a new dad, we can completely withdraw support" even though I've never so much as had a younger relitive.

 

[abbynormal1929]

I'm on Harvard Pilgrim through NH state healthcare market place. I'm having to switching to a new one through with the new year maybe I'll have more luck with that.

 

[abbynormal1929]

Quick note: my new insurance that starts in January covers the surgery

 

[Silver.]

that's great news!!