Taking It All In My Stride

[Suzetig]

I've got a lot on my plate at the moment. Work is hard, home is hard, I've made some changes to relationships etc that have been hard - generally speaking things are difficult on just about every front. One of the things I'm struggling with though, is how to express any of that emotionally to people who might be able to support me. Every time I start to get upset, I pull myself back again - I know I need some space to cry and be upset but can't give myself that. As I've been thinking about it, I realise I have a need to always be seen to take everything in my stride, both by friends, relations and colleagues but also for myself. It's like I can't give myself an inch to be upset, or angry or feel anything that would suggest I'm not coping.

Does anyone else get like this and how do you get over it. I'm seeing my therapist this afternoon and will talk it through with her but thought it was worth opening up here too.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

I have been feeling extraordinarily overwhelmed lately and have done my best to act as if I'm in control.....truth is I'm a complete mess. I broke down sobbing this morning and admitted to myself that I have no control. I actually feel better. I don't know if this will help, but I'm finally at the point where I'm okay with not being perfect or having all the answers. Trying to pretend brought me more stress than I realized.

 

[jaccat]

Yep. I do this all the time. I've had an extremely tough couple of years recently, but besides telling the bare minimum to people who needed to know, I didn't open out at all. Actually the ones I did tell I only gave the bare facts to.
For me it's a combination of not trusting anyone and having it drummed into me as a child that we do not discuss our problems. Also, giving voice suggests I feel I am worthwhile. There's a rabbit hole.
Problem being I run the risk of hitting crisis point and going into total meltdown.
I even suck at telling the little things. Last year I had an issue at work with my holiday bookings being messed around with. I didn't want to make a fuss, so I didn't complain. It went on to the point where I became so frustrated I went into full on trigger mode and nearly walked out. I never walk out. When I eventually got up the courage to confront my manager I was shaking, near tears. I never cry. That's what it took for me to speak out.
I'm getting better slowly. I still don't tell people what I'm feeling but I'm better at pointing out when there's an issue for me. And I'm surprised at how often people are willing to listen. And I'm very lucky in that I have a very good friend who repeatedly tells me she's not going anywhere. She also tells me off every time I tell her I'm fine.
My advice? Start with the little things that are bothering you. The things it feels safe to express. Try and build up from there.

 

[Notsowild]

I had a dispute with some co-workers a few weeks ago. Then my abusive manager pounced on it. She called it harassment and called in Human Resources to do an "investigation ". Anyways HR said it was not harassment. And my HR ( Human Rights ) will be dealing with my manager.

Anyways, my co-workers do not know anything about my PTSD. So I thought this was a great time to tell them. I don't want their pity just some understanding and not feeling so all alone in this. I'm very scared, I have a hard time too letting people in. I'll tell you how it goes.

So just to tell you I understand . We all care about you here.

 

[darrenS]

yes i do it all the time, i get upset and feel a great need to talk to someone , to express it , its clear in my head , but then when i start try to share it, i find i either devalue it or just not really get into it.

Its like i want to talk about but then when fronted with a willing ear , i dismiss my concerns by telling myself the person isnt that much of a friend and wont understand, its too much work to get to the meat of the explanation, do i really want this person to know so much etc etc etc. Basically i find i feel the need to talk, but then realize its not appropriate for the current situation or friendship.

i also find that in reality all i need to do is listen to myself. Its a difficult situation to be in because as much as I want to talk , would the listener really understand ? and opening the issue up , would it really achieve any relief or would it actually create more angst and further questions and pain within my mind.

I had a dispute with some co-workers a few weeks ago. Then my abusive manager pounced on it. She called it harassment and called in Human Resources to do an "investigation ". Anyways HR said it was not harassment. And my HR ( Human Rights ) will be dealing with my manager.

Anyways, my co-workers do not know anything about my PTSD. So I thought this was a great time to tell them. I don't want their pity just some understanding and not feeling so all alone in this. I'm very scared, I have a hard time too letting people in. I'll tell you how it goes.

So just to tell you I understand . We all care about you here.

I lost a job a few weeks back because of a ptsd reaction, some of my co-workers knew about my ptsd , and in all honesty i would never share it again , many people do not understand ptsd and many are scared by it , thinking you could flashback or something and hurt them , i would tell HR, and keep it at that. You run the risk of creating an unsafe environment by sharing without internal support.

Its good to share , its good to have support , but i think in all honesty it has to be approached carefully and with considerable thought , the wrong impression , the wrong person, the wrong environment , can wreak absolute havoc on your health and well being, and a simple thing like telling the wrong person or making the wrong comment can be easily misconstrued and create the opposite of what we are trying to achieve.

 

[Notsowild]

Very good points @darrenS ... But my situation is a little more complicated and I do not want to hijack this thread. I told HR over a year ago and they did nothing. I now have a Human Rights complaint filed against my company.
Sorry @Suzetig I'll give you your post back.

 

[Suzetig]

It's not a problem @Notsowild, you've had a nightmare time with your workplace good that you've got some support to fight your company now. Thank you for being so caring to me, I appreciate it.

@shrinkingviolet, I know what you mean about being ok not being perfect or having all the answers, I really struggle with this too - I know it's a form of protection for me, in that if I don't need anybody I can't get hurt when they don't meet my needs. I dont enerally feel worthy or peoples time, care and attention so it surprises me when they do care. Like @jaccat, I get stuck with small things as well as more substantial stuff - telling someone at work that I feel ill and taking time off leaves me shaky and tearful. It's like I hate admitting I'm human.

Listening to myself is probably good advice @darrenS except my inner voice keeps telling me to "suck it up, buttercup" which is less supportive inner dialogue than you perhaps had in mind :eek:.

I had a good session with my therapist this afternoon exploring the work stuff that's causing me so much distress just now, she pointed out that I'm vulnerable with her, and the world hasn't ended so perhaps there are people in my life I could also be vulnerable with. She's right, it just feels scary.