Talking About Trauma To Your Therapist

[HappyJock]

As most of you know, as child I was abused both physically and the other type. However, this goes into a topic that I don't know if I should talk about with my therapist.

[EDIT] (after I wrote it in detail, I ended up wanting to not be so descriptive and minimize the detail for my own feeling of safety because I hated reading it).

To be spontaneous, I went to a psychic reading place once a year ago. Not that I believe in it. But there, I witnessed a little girl being abused in both ways (physically and the other) and when I wanted to help, I was held at gunpoint and later, chased with a weapon in their hand. Among other things.

I think it effected me badly, but I don't want to be an asshole here. I'm talking about how traumatic or weird it was for me, when the little GIRL was the one that went through the ACTUAL abuse? That just sounds petty to me. I'm not the type of person to complain, but I don't know why it bothers me so much. I just don't want to make a big deal out of nothing but at the same time, lately it's all that's been on my mind, I just don't want to sound whiny.

My therapist would never think I am, but, well... I think I am. I just don't know if it's something I want to share. I mean, I want to but should I? I know it's not a big deal on my end, because it's not like I was in the little girl's place at that moment, but it still for some reason left a mark there. So many similarities and memories brought back. I had to watch them go at her, hit her, being utterly useless for five minutes and every minute killed me. I couldn't help. I'm not exactly the strongest person ever, not against two men that were high. They made me smoke something which I assume was weed. I don't know anything about drugs so I have no idea what it was. I took one puff and threw it at them in anger.

 

[scout86]

I know it's not a big deal on my end,

If it wasn't a big deal, sharing it with your therapist wouldn't be a big deal either.

 

[Leigh925]

We are often traumatized when we find ourselves in powerless situations. Your concern for her trauma and recognizing a situation that is difficult for you don't have to be mutually exclusive. You can feel concern both for her as well as yourself. It doesn't diminish her trauma to recognize that it was an intense situation for you. I think you are being too hard on yourself.

 

[Heather]

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I just don't want to make a big deal out of nothing .

It's because IT IS A BIG DEAL....that is why it bothers you so.

If you can't verbalize it to your therapist perhaps you can write it down and give it to him/her to read.

I've done that in the past and I've found it helpful.....you get out what you need to and you don't have to speak it out loud.

Just a suggestion.

 

[hurricane.]

I think it's something worth bringing up with your therapist.

I am in a similar boat as you - I was traumatized by something I witnessed, whereas there wasn't any legitimate harm done to me. I also feel the same way where I feel like I'm just being a little bitch because its not like anything happened to me. I don't think it's "petty" to be traumatized by what happened to you; it's a possibility that you were traumatized by this event because you were also abused as a child so you were able to empathize with the child.

 

[Sideways]

Not sure if this will translate well when I type it out, but it's perfectly reasonable that you would be effected by that in a big way - you were watching real live human suffering, which you could relate to. It's an odd person who wouldn't carry that memory with them for a long time and be effected by it.

I saw a lady jump in front of a car once, and there wasn't much left. As people started crowding around, I pulled a picnic rug from the back of my car and covered her body with it, because I was so distraught by the thought that this is someone's mother, daughter, sister, friend. And with all the gawking, I needed to do something, anything, to try and bring that lady some small semblance of dignity in death.

When I talk about that, I'm not saying that my suffering was disproportionate or more than what her family would go through. But I'm human, I witnessed it, and it makes sense that it effected me too.

Sharing this with your therapy is an acknowledgment that you are human, and not immune from distress when you bear witness to the suffering of others.

 

[anonymous]

Only someone without empathy wouldn't find that horrific. Witnessing others being abused can be very traumatic. I think I totally understand your difficulties with this as I have similar feelings about different situations. It sounds like you were threatened with violence, held hostage and made to witness terrible things done to a little girl without being able to help. Only a psychopath wouldn't be upset by that and the more empathy one has the worse it would be.

I'm not sure if I am reading your post wrong or not but if you have a history of any of these things in your past before this as a victim or an observer then on top of the rest it could compound past trauma. And bring it all bubbling to the surface. And for me when that happens they stay connected in some way thereafter.

I hope you find the courage to tell your therapist and that they will have the understanding to validate your feelings and help you work through this. Lets hope the little girl is getting help too. What she endured is horrific. You both deserve help. Thank you for trying to help and thank you for caring.