He was wrong about that though. But, that's the kind of thing people like that tell themselves. And, maybe, they actually believe it. Believing it doesn't make it's true. If you'd ACTUALLY wanted it, none of this would be an issue. Would it? That's not a place where people really second guess themselves. Not that I'm aware of.
No. but I consented or at the very least I didn't say NO or fight back. That's where the whole crap with escalation comes in. Assumed relationships. Etc.
Sometimes, because I'm not very good a seeing the various shades of things, my T has me make sort of a rainbow of words. Going from one extreme to the other. To me, it looks like you have the start of one of those right there. There are words that can go in between, but all those things are different colors.
I SWEAR I am not trying to be dense but I am not picking up what you are putting down.
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I love this analogy you just used to put it into perspective. I was in a sexually abusive relationship as well and there were some things that I would say no to every time however, my words were ignored and sometimes I was forced by physical force but most of the time my words were just ignored and eventually I stopped saying no because I was conditioned to being ignored anyways...he then used that as a way of saying "see I knew you like it..." No...umm you have just conditioned me that you would force me either physically or just do it anyways so the above post really rings true...that's correct that is not the same as consent even though I eventually stopped saying no! @desiderata310 I'm really sorry this has happened to you and yes relationships, marriage, sex gets very messy and complicated. I for one am trying to sort out a lot of the same questions you had asked in the beginning of this thread...When does the line cross from just trying to "fulfill wifely duties/compliance/not to ensue an argument (which I wasn't allowed to leave the bed in the morning without initiating sex or else my husband would get very angry with me..) It's just so complicated...it wasn't until years after I left him did I even realize it was sexually abusive and not in any way ok... It's hard because there are some people out there who assert that wives or husbands cant be sexually abused and if you are married pretty much your partner should be allowed to have sex with you whenever they want. My husband would often say that my various body parts belonged to him....I feel like unfortunately things are getting so twisted, yes we are supposed to try to give and take and sometimes "give" sex when we don't necessarily feel like it to please our partner. I think the keyword here is "give" of our own free will as a gift. Just like we may clean up after our partners or say wash their car when we don't want to and the feeling we get afterwards is very different then being coerced or forced into doing those acts. I hope that made sense and I didn't go on a rant too much? lol
Honestly?
