Techniques To Stay In The Moment And Hold On To Your Emotions

[zaniara]

..I find myself struggling to feel it. I cuddle her but I don't want to. I make myself do it. And when I am cuddling her I "check out". I'm deeply embarrassed and ashamed about this but I have to face it and deal with it. During other times of play I find it very hate to connect with her. I love her and would do anything for her but I am worried about my inability to 'feel' the love.

I recognize this. And everyone has written so much about how to work on this, that I won't add anything. I just wanted to say that I relate a lot. I've had a lot of trouble with not shutting down: and when I started trauma-therapy it got even worse actually for a while. But then it got better after about 9 months in therapy or so. My therapist also told me to watch movies that made me feel feelings, but I really didn't cry anyway. But after working our way through some of the traumas the tears and a lot more feelings started to surfacing on/off. (And still do: it's a process: and some days I lapse back to being shut down and disconnected.)

I'm so sorry you had to go through such horrible things! But I think you're doing so great as a mother: since you really are doing much more for your daughter than you mother ever did for you, right? And you're struggling to get well too. It will get better. With time and effort it will.

 

[falling]

Thank you for understanding.