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My T knows how I'm feeling by how tightly I'm holding the pillow in his office. During the session he will say ' you are less tense the death grip on the pillow has eased' :rolleyes:

My T realized giving me a pillow to hold during a session is not the best thing to do, I ripped it apart when she asked how much anger I feel towards my abusers. The next visit I brought 4 pillows just in case.
 
1. Wanted to be a policeman when I was 5.... (Major anger problems hmmm...)
2. I talk to trees, because they dont answer back!
3. I can't enjoy my favorite hobby anymore, Free climbing. (Afraid my thoughts will prevail and I'll listen)
4. The most exciting moment for me was free base jump in New Zealand.
5. Afraid of hights but still will climb cliffs, and parachute. (If I have a harness on I'm superman)
 
When I think about giving away my stories for money it feels like prostitution.

Don't give them away, take 10% of the profit for expencises, the remainder can (A) Go to an education fund to your grandkids or a child you pick. (B) Give it to a non profit organization of your choice. (C) give it to a support organization such as this group, or one like it. Just a few suggestions. I self published 2 of my own writtings (Assorted poems and short stories) The profits where given to a friends wife to help pay for his medical bills after he was in a hit and run accident on a motorcycle.
 
When I was a kid, there were times I honestly thought I was invisible. I could walk in a room and nobody would notice and I would think 'wow....I really am invisible, nobody can see me at all'. So sometimes I would test it to see if it was true....I would walk in on people using the bathroom or changing clothes,etc, just to see if they reacted.

I hate that I have so many channels on my tv. It's overwhelming and confusing.....and even worse when they decide to change the channel lineup once a year....

I walk and talk in my sleep.
 
I hate that I have so many channels on my tv. It's overwhelming and confusing.....and even worse when they decide to change the channel lineup once a year.....

I agree about TV- TV can be a great way to veg out (so can computers and video games) but on the flip side there's just so much information it makes you feel unfocused and overwhelmed. For a long time I didn't have cable, then when I did it was simultaneously addictive and disconcerting. Commercials basically tell you if you don't have this or that product, something's wrong with you. I have at least a couple of trauma friends who don't own a TV at all, or only watch select movies like Disney.
 
I am not my mother, not those people (FOO), not my traumas, and not my abusers, not my rapists. And, I own not anothers history or trauma. I am not another's reflection; and others are not my understanding of God.

As for make-up I either where it very lightly and naturally, or none at all.

I know the cutest most lovable puppy, (lab/beagle mix) I ever did meet.
 
Years ago, I stabbed my husband in the arm....and I have felt awful about it since then.

I love the smell of popcorn. Sometimes I make some just for the smell and don't eat any. I also love buttered popcorn scented candles.

I always wanted a horse when I was a kid. I didn't get one, but my younger sister did.
 
I like to eat with my fingers instead of using utensils when I'm home alone.

I put my shoes on in the morning and don't take them off until I go to bed at night. They make me feel more grounded.
 
My eyes are brown but turn muddy green when I have extreme moods.

I had a '69 charger candy apple red and white rebuilt 383, fire ball cam, duel marine heads, and headers, with a toggle switch on the dash to run nitrous and used to race "black" with no headlights from the next town to our city limit when coming home from night college classes... they guy I did it with had a black camaro... most of the time I'd win, cause I knew how to speed shift (my dad used to race for pink slips in So Cal when he was in high school).

Until I was nine I was allowed to used to run wild in the desert with just shorts on and moccasins, a pouch with trail mix, and a canteen of water, so I could practice stealth and sneak up on wildlife or chase road runners... pretending to be an indian. Imagine my surprise when I found out I was part indian, Blackfoot Lakotah... one sixth. I love the desert in bloom and really miss camping.

The first person who tried to get me in a compromising position was an older boy, Phillip C. who kept calling it "wrestling"... but I knew it wasn't. I would fight him off even though he was a lot stronger. The third or forth time was his last... I caught him in his front yard, as us younger kids were coming home from school, got him on his knees in front of me and told him loudly so that everyone could hear that I was going to make him think twice about ever touching me again... (I had him by the fingers and was bending them backwards) and then I broke his fingers. My dad and his mom had absolutely no problem with this.

I am a four octave tenor and sing by ear because I can't read music.

For fun my husband and I innertube in the rain down the river in the summer and I blow soap bubbles and sing "Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head" off key and we laugh and giggle.
 
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