Terrible nightmares about men

[Healing Hugs]

I had a terrible nightmare last night about a man chasing me down with a knife. I've woken up in such a bad way that I am unable to go to work, I'm jumping out of my skin and my head feels like it's going to explode, and the buzzing!
Sometimes my two major traumas involving men (getting gang assaulted and an attempted break in) combine to create horrific nightmares, the last one being a gang of men breaking into my house, tying me to the bed and gang raping me. And I've had worse, dreams where I'm raped to death. I know this is graphic, I'm sorry, I just want to express the severity of my nightmares.

Does anyone here know of any techniques to snap back into reality, to come away from the emotional trauma of a nightmare? I just hate having to miss work because of not being able to stop this feeling, it makes me feel weak and then I spiral into hating myself and beating myself up.

 

[Virtues]

My trauma is very different, hence my nightmares are very different. I was a combat vet, and a firefighter, so I get a lot of dreams that my kids are in combat with me. Usually 1 of them gets mortally wounded (most of the time I accidentally inflict the injury) and then I have to go to work performing first responder and life saving steps to keep them alive. You can imagine I fail, and they die in my arms before I am woken to a dark unfamiliar room, unfamiliar bed, unfamiliar life, unfamiliar everything... but slowly reality comes back to me. I use to have to go running into each one of their bedrooms and look for the rise and fall of their chests to make sure they were still alive (sometimes inadvertently waking them up and scaring them half to death) but I felt I needed to make sure that it was just a dream and they were still alive. There was a long transition period between waking up and reality completely coming back to me, where facts and perception were distorted.

Now I keep a bowl of ice by my bed side (it melts through the night so keep a towel under it). When I wake to a nightmare, as soon as I remember the bowl is there, I stick my hands in the ice water and it helps to ground me a lot quicker. It brings me back to reality a lot quicker than waiting for the details to sort themselves out (if this makes sense). This is a trick another combat vet taught me, and it really works. Just let your hands soak in the ice water for a few minutes (until you can't stand it) and you will see that the details will quickly start to sort themselves out and the transition goes a lot smoother. I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me. I'm not saying you will no longer have nightmares by doing this, but hopefully that dread of (was that real?) will take a lot less time to pass, and you will actually be able to get back to sleep after having a nightmare eventually (with enough practice). Good luck to you.

 

[scout86]

I used to have an English Bulldog and she slept next to me. (I live alone,) There was something about waking up next to a snoring Bulldog that brought an almost immediate "Things must be ok" feeling that gave me a good chance to realize that whatever had been going on wasn't really going on, it was a dream. Now days, it does help to get up and walk around the house for a bit, but I like the ice idea.

 

[Healing Hugs]

Hey thanks for the replies. I'm really beating myself up over not being able to leave the house for work. I wish I'd gone in but I was jumping out of my skin. I work in a supermarket so it's a really hectic atmosphere and can be too much. Thank you both for the tips, sometimes the intense fear has been so bad upon waking that I can't get out of bed.
I'm so out of it right now, I think someone could tip a bucket of water over my head and I'm not sure I'd even react. I'm going to try and take a walk outside later if I can muster some energy.

 

[Swift]

Hey, I'm sorry you're struggling with nightmares. They sound really awful.
A few things that work for me:
- smells of safety in my bedroom. I use a lot of vanilla, some people like lavender or other things, but vanilla is mine. It clues me in to the fact I'm here, now, and safe.
- sleep hygiene. I don't actually know if this makes a difference, but I got to the point with nightmares where I tried everything.
- I'm hesitant to recommend a medication, because medication is not everyone's gig, or where people want to go with their life. For me, Prazosin, which is a blood pressure med, has really, really helped the feeling of waking up freaking out. It doesn't stop the nightmares, but it does make the after-effects considerably better. Again, that's a personal thing. But it helps.
- teddy bear. Yep, I'm a grown ass woman. It works.

Are you familiar with grounding exercises? They've helped me a fair bit with all sorts of things. Getting back into reality after a nightmare is one thing they work really well on.
I try to cue in all my senses. I found setting my bed up with cues that said "here and now" really helped the waking up freaking out thing.

 

[PiggyBack]

I've learned to wake myself "all the way" after such a nightmare. Turn on the lights, walk around, even write about something until sleep catches up to me again. If I don't and I just try to go back to sleep, then I seem to suffer from a lingering cognitive hangover that taints my reality and feeds my nightmares the next night. Propanolol and diazapam work to bring my anxiety back into a manageable realm.

There's no correct answer. You just need to work out strategies that work for you.

 

[flowerapple]

I sleep with a stuffed animal next to me. When I wake up from my nightmares it normally isn’t me screaming but me so scared that I’m frozen. I normally can feel my stuffed animal next me and when I hug it, it makes me feel safe and it reminds me that no one is here in my room and I’m not back there either. I just keep rubbing it until I feel calm enough.

Also I don’t do this one but someone told me about sleeping with the lights on or if dont want to do that you can sleep with a lamp next to your bed and when you wake, turn it on so u can see that you aren’t there and it’s not happening and that you are safe in your room.

I also heard about writing the dream out. When you wake up you quickly write the dream on paper, in a sense to get it out of your head, then tear it up and throw it away to get rid of it. I’ve never done it before but the person said it helped her feel like it was no longer in her and it was not only outside but it didn’t even exist because she destroyed it by tearing it up.

Hope you find something that helps you.

 

[Healing Hugs]

Hey thanks for the advice, sadly I had a stuffed bear that I used for comfort like that but my dad went out with a lady who got jealous of his past marriage and children and when they split up she took my bear and I don't know what happened to it. She also destroyed a load of stuff relating to me and my brother, like out baby teeth and some pictures that were on the wall. I wish I had my teddy.
I'm going to try things like comforting smells and writing stuff down upon waking. Thanks ever so much.

 

[flowerapple]

The smells one is a good one. I dont do it for sleep but I sometimes go for massages because I have really tense muscles but it is really really triggering. But I find that when I do the aromatherapy massages, if I try to focus on the scent in the room normally I choose a fruity smell, it keeps me grounded because I am reminded of where I am and that this person touching me right now isn't hurting me but is trying to help me. Every time I feel myself slipping away I just focus on the smell, it takes some work but it helps me enough for the massage.

 

[piratelady]

I usually have to try to use logic when I wake up from a nightmare, which isn't always easy and sometimes takes me a while to get to the point where I can do that. For example, I have terrible vision and so at night, without my contacts or glasses, I can't see much at all. So, if what I was seeing in my dream was crystal clear, then I try to notice how everything when I wake up is fuzzy - so I know I was dreaming. Does that make sense? Otherwise, I try to pay attention to my surroundings and pick out those things that are different than what I dreamed.

It doesn't always work and when my nightmares are really bad I can't always so that. But it's worth a try.