The Dreaded End-of-year Three Week Break

[DharmaGirl]

(((((Maddog)))))

I am also glad that others have this difficulty with therapy. I thought it was just me being a baby. I can see myself in all of you and I have compassion for you, but none for me. I think I will practice compassion for myself too.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Went to my first session after the holidays last night and felt so insignificant that I had nightmares about it one right after the other until I woke up at 3am unable and dreading going back to sleep. I'm really hurt and angry about how it went. I'm feeling like I was better off on my own and considering not going back next week. I know he says to trust him and to work past these pitfalls, but I'm sick of getting hurt and having to speak up about it. Apparently that's what normal people do? Whatever. I'm so tired of trusting someone who puts me in situations like this all of the time.

 

[Abstract]

Hashi,

boundaries and feeling safe are the key things for me, but I think without breaking off contact

I can totally understand what you are saying about keeping contact with family. I too have decided not to break it off completely. Part of managing to do that means very firm boundaries and sometimes that is hard. If my father was alive then that would make it more difficult. I think distance doesn't have to be physical.

I think it's fine that you let boundaries slip a bit. Sometimes we learn more from what doesn't work than we do from what does. It astounds me how quickly I unravel when I let boundaries slip even a bit when it comes to family. I am sure you will discover what you need to do to stay safe.

I think the break has made me feel more accepting of being dependent on my T

I also think it is wonderful that you feel more open to being dependent on your therapist (T). To me that symbolises real growth and it is also likely to help your future progress. Give yourself a big pat on the back! :)

I shall look forward to hearing Sailorgals ideas for stopping a therapist from leaving! I might need it to stop me from leaving if I ever manage to go back! :rolleyes: Handcuffs maybe?

Woohoo:tup: to all of those that managed to get back!



Pencil, hi!

Too screwed up for therapy,

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. It's been about three months I think? I don't for one minute think you are incapable or too screwed up to manage therapy.

You are an intelligent woman and are capable of self awareness. That means you can check yourself if you find yourself pushing away, projecting or whatever else. It also means you are capable of speaking it through with your therapist.

Working it out is "the work". Attachment stuff and the " complex" part of complex trauma does slow things down and throw up many obstacles but you don't have to give in to that and you can be brave and work through them. Difficult does not equal impossible. That means being open to what your therapist is saying and being open with what you are experiencing. Pep talk over!:D

MD,
I actually thought of you and others when I did my cheer leading stint. I wondered if seeing others at the end made it harder for those not yet back.

Personally I think it is more than reasonable to contact him. Especially considering your present situation. 6 weeks is a ridiculously long time!

I wonder if you can talk about a stand-in therapist for the future. A lot of people do that when they are doing trauma work in therapy or are struggling in general. I realise there might be financial implications. It won't be the same as seeing your own therapist but it is something and security blanket.

It might be worthwhile thinking of one thing (that is possible) that would help you get through the next 3 weeks so that you can speak to your T about it.

If you do end up crying and being unable to speak could you ask to send him an email or text to start? I just know for me that if I pressure myself about speaking then it backfires and that it reduces the pressure to have a backup plan. Speaking is always such a drama for me and the more I want to speak the less I do. :rolleyes:

I can see myself in all of you and I have compassion for you,

Monster,
Me too! It's a shame it doesn't translate easily to how we treat ourselves...

I'm so tired of trusting someone who puts me in situations like this all of the time.

Hi Loveneverfails!
Maybe it would help to remind yourself that learning that someone is still there for us even after they have been away is part of what we learn in therapy. That all the discomfort is part of growing and learning the balance of how to take care of ourselves and how to depend on others and trust them.

I think anger is a normal response after breaks. And I also think it often taps into other times we have felt unsupported or abandoned for a lot of us.

Hang in there. Its Ok to have a bad session.

(((Everyone)))). Hang in there all who still have a way to go.

 

[Hashi]

I'm really hurt and angry about how it went... I'm sick of getting hurt and having to speak up about it. Apparently that's what normal people do? Whatever. I'm so tired of trusting someone who puts me in situations like this all of the time.

Loveneverfails, I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt so frequently. Obviously, I don't know you or the situation you were in, but your frustration with your therapist is clear.

I think it's worth bearing in mind that this was the first session back, which can be difficult, although this does sound like more of an ongoing issue anyway.

You were doing well during the break and you seem to have reached a point of more stability, so I'm sure you'll be able to make a decision that's right for you, whatever you decide to do.

I'm just sorry that your first session back was so upsetting.

 

[Pencil]

Working it out is "the work". Attachment stuff and the " complex" part of complex trauma does slow things down and throw up many obstacles but you don't have to give in to that and you can be brave and work through them. Difficult does not equal impossible. That means being open to what your therapist is saying and being open with what you are experiencing. Pep talk over!:D

Hi Abstract!

You're right, and fortunately the shrink is always way ahead of me and my crap! She's not fazed by any of my nonsense and might just get me through it. :) Everything back on track - but only until the next time I scream that it is utterly impossible, of course :oops:. .

 

[Pencil]

Handcuffs maybe?

My favourite bit in an altogether great post ;)

 

[Abstract]

I know he says to trust him and to work past these pitfalls, but I'm sick of getting hurt and having to speak up about it. Apparently that's what normal people do? Whatever. I'm so tired of trusting someone who puts me in situations like this all of the time.

Just realised I might have misunderstood Lovenerfails. I don't know your history with your therapist. Is this therapy relationship working out better than ones in the past? if you think back to before the break then did you feel OK about it? It's very hard to have a bad first session.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I think it's worth bearing in mind that this was the first session back, which can be difficult,

Its Ok to have a bad session. Is this therapy relationship working out better than ones in the past?

Thanks to you both. I've been thinking about this all day(since 3am :unsure:) and the more I think about it the more I realize it was because he touched me. He shook my hand and I've told him again and again I don't like being touched, every time a man has touched me since I was assaulted a year ago I've been triggered into an episode like this where I feel so angry and betrayed. We had talked about it that same session and when he held out his hand I got tunnel vision which is usually a good sign for me that I'm being pushed toward my 'detachment' zone where I go through the motions just to get out of the situation alive and semi-sane.

I'm still peeved about some of the comments he made, but that was too much for me. I'll have to discuss that with him again. I feel a lot better since I realized that was the cause. Thanks again for your support. I do have an occasional bad session, but nothing makes me want to hit the pavement running more than getting touched in ANY situation. I'm glad it wasn't really him, he's the first person I've been able to trust in my life. I don't think I could handle letting go of that just yet.

 

[ms spock]

I got to see my psychriatrist. So that was good.

 

[ms spock]

I just did something I'm very ashamed of and texted him, asked him to call me. I can't decide what feels worse - the shame of having collapsed and called him when I have no right to and had promised myself I wouldn't, or the fear that he mightn't call me back, or the fear of what I'm going to say if he does, or the knowledge that even if he does, it will be a brief contact only, and there's still another 3 weeks...

I would say that this is uniquely human maddog. Particuarly after what you have been through recently.

This is harder than it has any right to be. I feel terrible.

It is very hard. You have some extenuating circumstances maddog. You have had more than a full plate. I am not surprised that you feel terrible. Your health issues alone would knock most people off their seat.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I'm much better. I did some stuff around the house, emailed my therapist, talked to a friend. Its all ok now.

 

[Abstract]

every time a man has touched me since I was assaulted a year ago I've been triggered into an episode like this where I feel so angry and betrayed.

I am very glad you figured it out and sorry that he forgot. Isn't it shocking how powerful and convincing the feelings are. The confusion between past and present.

he's the first person I've been able to trust in my life.

I think that is very valuable indeed. I am also glad that you are able to have frank conversations with him when he messes up or when a sore spot of yours is touched on. That helps recovery so much. :tup:

I'm much better.

Monster, :tup: